Post by kailani on Sept 24, 2022 16:51:27 GMT
I am not sure if my ex is a DA or FA to be honest. I see some DA tendencies but maybe he is a mix of the 2.
We broke up about 9 months ago, blindsided. He did well the almost 2 years together, I always felt loved and a priority.
But I think he was deactivating till one big one, when he was avoidant the breakup day (and cold). HE obv had things he didn’t communicate that he needed and he did breakup a year before that but it was not a real breakup—just telling me he has issues , guilt, not good enough, etc. For a few weeks but constant communication
Now, He reached back out around 8 months-not to get back but something else he was curious about an interaction we had once over the summer via text. He was very attentive we texting back and forth in this reach out,..And even offered to answer anything I didnt understand (he didn’t understand something so he had texted me..or was the base for him reaching out).. I had people with me and I wrote back that now is not a good time to ask but I will later…thanks. He never said ok, etc. after that text which was odd since he offered a minute before.
In my texting answers, I was platonic and give no indication to get back or anything, but friendly.
Ironically He saw me from a distance but close enough the next day and look surprised but didn’t say hello. I was upset inside but didnt show it bc I would never ignore him.
Fast forward—about 10 days later I decided to text him not about my question….but just say something like— Hey we texted and now we see each other and act like we don’t each other. Would you want to get a coffee/food or something so it is not like that anymore? I really was not planning to talk breakup, etc..I just want to reacquaint and be on good terms. He had been offline all day till that question..and answered “TBH I don’t really think I want to do that”. I didn’t reply. The next day, ironcailly again, we both auditioned and made a dance team. I was surprised to see him there, and, we HAD to partner in rotation. He was cordial like me. Asked how I was and I said fine. I was jut indifferent how I would be to anyone. But we were practicing it not like able to converse. I’ve seen him a few more times at practice since then and we interact as we need to. A friend who did not know our history was also partnered and mentioned how he seemed mad at his own mistakes…like a perfectionist..
Anyway. My question is based on your own experience/thoughts: With avoidance, could it be that he regretted that I was not more acting like I wanted to rekindle when he texted me?
He seemed very engaged in his texting and I purposefully did not want to spook him. I just thought it odd to hot say hello that next day and even more strange not to accept te coffee? I have no bad feelings for him despite how he behaved the brakup day…
Any input to that-was it big for him to reach out that I didn’t show wanting to rekindle? Do you even get yourself spooked or fearful of rejection after an interaction?
My mindset is different …so I just want to klnow what it is like form an avoidant standpoint
Thank you
****UPDATE**** So since I wrote this, I have seen my Ex in a small setting, even had to partner in our dance team. (We all switch). It was cordial enough. It is just a fact we will see each other weekly.
However, I saw him again, today, in passing where we literally would pass each other going in and out of a door. He saw me and quickly avoided me and used the other door on the other side…like I have the plague.
Im really at a loss- This person reached out to me after 8 months, to ask me trying to interpret my response from a few months ago…was every engaged, even after offered to answer any b/u questions, I declined for a later date..After I saw them in person, they avoided cordiality. After, I offered ot get coffee so there would be no future awkwardness for the random passing by with zero intent of anything deep convo or the breakup….and now we are together for dance he is ok enough.
I am not asking for mind reading but has anyone else ever done anything like this? I never gave indication I was upset with him or angry or even wanted a relationship with him again. I was just civil like I would be w anyone. I don’t know if he feels shame or guilty but could it be that strong where I need to be avoided like THAT? I really did not do anything ‘wrong’ in the relationship. I even behaved and took the high road at brakup Nlo one knows why. (Didn’t throw him under the bus for the blindside). Or did he decide to not be able to stand me.
But this guy has never taken me off his social media, map location likes my posts, and watches my stories….and even HIS MAIN profile pic under it there is a link there is a pic of us.. ..I do not understand this. Im not unhappy about taht..It is just confusing.
Can anyone make sense or experienced it or actually did something where you just hated ot see your ex even tho sometimes you were cordial? I don’t understand the running away when we pass in public yet in smaller setting he is acting ok (maybe it is just that..acting)…
Should I just ignore this or address it? It just feels so strange bc I do not feel this anxiety around him. I am ok and was the one who was dumped blindsided
. I was so close to this person I just sit here and get confused about it all.I don’t feel he hates me.maybe he does..I would not konw why any of this is happening like this
We broke up about 9 months ago, blindsided. He did well the almost 2 years together, I always felt loved and a priority.
But I think he was deactivating till one big one, when he was avoidant the breakup day (and cold). HE obv had things he didn’t communicate that he needed and he did breakup a year before that but it was not a real breakup—just telling me he has issues , guilt, not good enough, etc. For a few weeks but constant communication
Now, He reached back out around 8 months-not to get back but something else he was curious about an interaction we had once over the summer via text. He was very attentive we texting back and forth in this reach out,..And even offered to answer anything I didnt understand (he didn’t understand something so he had texted me..or was the base for him reaching out).. I had people with me and I wrote back that now is not a good time to ask but I will later…thanks. He never said ok, etc. after that text which was odd since he offered a minute before.
In my texting answers, I was platonic and give no indication to get back or anything, but friendly.
Ironically He saw me from a distance but close enough the next day and look surprised but didn’t say hello. I was upset inside but didnt show it bc I would never ignore him.
Fast forward—about 10 days later I decided to text him not about my question….but just say something like— Hey we texted and now we see each other and act like we don’t each other. Would you want to get a coffee/food or something so it is not like that anymore? I really was not planning to talk breakup, etc..I just want to reacquaint and be on good terms. He had been offline all day till that question..and answered “TBH I don’t really think I want to do that”. I didn’t reply. The next day, ironcailly again, we both auditioned and made a dance team. I was surprised to see him there, and, we HAD to partner in rotation. He was cordial like me. Asked how I was and I said fine. I was jut indifferent how I would be to anyone. But we were practicing it not like able to converse. I’ve seen him a few more times at practice since then and we interact as we need to. A friend who did not know our history was also partnered and mentioned how he seemed mad at his own mistakes…like a perfectionist..
Anyway. My question is based on your own experience/thoughts: With avoidance, could it be that he regretted that I was not more acting like I wanted to rekindle when he texted me?
He seemed very engaged in his texting and I purposefully did not want to spook him. I just thought it odd to hot say hello that next day and even more strange not to accept te coffee? I have no bad feelings for him despite how he behaved the brakup day…
Any input to that-was it big for him to reach out that I didn’t show wanting to rekindle? Do you even get yourself spooked or fearful of rejection after an interaction?
My mindset is different …so I just want to klnow what it is like form an avoidant standpoint
Thank you
****UPDATE**** So since I wrote this, I have seen my Ex in a small setting, even had to partner in our dance team. (We all switch). It was cordial enough. It is just a fact we will see each other weekly.
However, I saw him again, today, in passing where we literally would pass each other going in and out of a door. He saw me and quickly avoided me and used the other door on the other side…like I have the plague.
Im really at a loss- This person reached out to me after 8 months, to ask me trying to interpret my response from a few months ago…was every engaged, even after offered to answer any b/u questions, I declined for a later date..After I saw them in person, they avoided cordiality. After, I offered ot get coffee so there would be no future awkwardness for the random passing by with zero intent of anything deep convo or the breakup….and now we are together for dance he is ok enough.
I am not asking for mind reading but has anyone else ever done anything like this? I never gave indication I was upset with him or angry or even wanted a relationship with him again. I was just civil like I would be w anyone. I don’t know if he feels shame or guilty but could it be that strong where I need to be avoided like THAT? I really did not do anything ‘wrong’ in the relationship. I even behaved and took the high road at brakup Nlo one knows why. (Didn’t throw him under the bus for the blindside). Or did he decide to not be able to stand me.
But this guy has never taken me off his social media, map location likes my posts, and watches my stories….and even HIS MAIN profile pic under it there is a link there is a pic of us.. ..I do not understand this. Im not unhappy about taht..It is just confusing.
Can anyone make sense or experienced it or actually did something where you just hated ot see your ex even tho sometimes you were cordial? I don’t understand the running away when we pass in public yet in smaller setting he is acting ok (maybe it is just that..acting)…
Should I just ignore this or address it? It just feels so strange bc I do not feel this anxiety around him. I am ok and was the one who was dumped blindsided
. I was so close to this person I just sit here and get confused about it all.I don’t feel he hates me.maybe he does..I would not konw why any of this is happening like this
