I don't know anymore. He came back, got close, then ran.

I'm sorry you've been going through this. Have you tried to speak with a professional about your feelings around the pregnancy termination? That can be very traumatic, and a lot of what you're saying sounds like it actually may be more deeply connected to that and floundering around to feel better after a difficult time but lacking the support network. You tried turning to him when he popped back up, but he's got really deep issues and a history of treating you terribly, and he's not emotionally safe for you because he's not going to change. So in that sense, he's doing you a favor by blocking you and not adding more fodder for you to feel terrible about yourself about. Take the space he's granting you and use it to focus on what's really important here: yourself. He can't make this better for you, and you know that since you've said you know it's pointless to go through all that pain again for the same outcome. It's difficult, but try something different. You've been in part coping by distracting yourself with the fantasy of loving him. That comes with its own pain, but that pain probably feels more tolerable than the real pain underneath that needs to be dealt with for true healing: the pregnancy termination, earlier life traumas and difficult familial relationships and the resulting lack of self esteem, etc. Focus on yourself, find a therapist to talk to if you haven't already about navigating the choices you had to make and the impact they've had on you. And be kind to yourself about it, you've been through a lot.