|
|
Post by krolle on Oct 19, 2022 10:02:51 GMT
Seems it's that time of year for me to check in again.
Hope you guys are doing well.
Nice to see some familiar avatars still providing regular input.
|
|
|
|
Post by introvert on Oct 20, 2022 0:00:10 GMT
Hi Krolle, what's shakin? Have wondered how you've been!
|
|
|
|
Post by krolle on Oct 20, 2022 1:19:49 GMT
Hi Krolle, what's shakin? Have wondered how you've been! Hi @introvert Nice to hear you're still around. I'm still me unfortunately lol. Wouldnt wish this FA crap on anyone. Still with the same guy? |
|
|
|
Post by introvert on Oct 20, 2022 1:51:08 GMT
Hi Krolle, what's shakin? Have wondered how you've been! Hi @introvert Nice to hear you're still around. I'm still me unfortunately lol. Wouldnt wish this FA crap on anyone. Still with the same guy? I am, we are doing great. Feels stable and comfortable, I'm going to move in with him in a year or so when my kids are all flown. Have you done any sailing? We couldn't make it out to the boat this year so kept it on the hard... flights were crazy expensive for a long weekend so we passed on it. HOPEFULLY next year! |
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Oct 20, 2022 2:45:09 GMT
Seems it's that time of year for me to check in again. Hope you guys are doing well. Nice to see some familiar avatars still providing regular input. Heeeeeeey…so glad to get a brief catch up from you. I am doing so much better. Still taking my medication and still meeting with my SE therapist. Got a new hobby…shark tooth hunting. 🙂🙂🙂 |
|
|
|
Post by krolle on Oct 20, 2022 10:19:44 GMT
Hi @introvert Nice to hear you're still around. I'm still me unfortunately lol. Wouldnt wish this FA crap on anyone. Still with the same guy? I am, we are doing great. Feels stable and comfortable, I'm going to move in with him in a year or so when my kids are all flown. Have you done any sailing? We couldn't make it out to the boat this year so kept it on the hard... flights were crazy expensive for a long weekend so we passed on it. HOPEFULLY next year! Stability and comfort. That sounds absolutely wonderful. I'm jealous. It's just about the most difficult thing for me to achieve. I have been journalling quiet a bit this year and found very few places I have been able to feel at peace. I think there is definately something with my neurochemistry that just wont let me relax. Most of the times I write about feeling good is in the presence of adrenaline. It's like I get fleeting moments of absolute bliss when I'm on a knife edge, flow state as they say. Sailing has definately been a godsend for that because it allows me to achieve it in a much healthier way than previously. Which would normally be fighting, drugs, sex etc. I recommend sailing to just about anyone as a form of therapy. Sorry you guys didnt manage to get out on the boat much this year. I guess I consider myself lucky that my boat is a 5 minute drive from where I live. But I am really happy to hear about the strength of your relationship. Anything new you have learned this year that you'd care to share? |
|
|
|
Post by krolle on Oct 20, 2022 13:06:40 GMT
Seems it's that time of year for me to check in again. Hope you guys are doing well. Nice to see some familiar avatars still providing regular input. Heeeeeeey…so glad to get a brief catch up from you. I am doing so much better. Still taking my medication and still meeting with my SE therapist. Got a new hobby…shark tooth hunting. 🙂🙂🙂 Shark tooth hunting? well that's the first time I have heard of it as a hobby. Hopefully you're not lookong for live specimins! I imagine Shark dentist is a job that comes with some significant risk assesment. hearing you're doing well makes me happy. Would you attribute SE as being a major contributor to that? Also remind me, what medication were you using again? if you dont mind me asking. I have been on a bit of a rollercoaster with my ADHD medication. To the point where it's effects are entirely unpredictable now. Some days I'll take it and feel wonderful, productive, alert, confident. Other days I can have panic attacks, feel very aggressive or just burst into tears of crying fits for no reason. Also sometimes crazy paranoia. One day last week I took it and went to work out and just saw threat everywhere. Everybody I caught eyes with I was convinced hated me or something. it was surreal and very uncomfortable. In terms of therapy. I have had 3 different therapists now. And they have all been pretty much a bust. I fail to form therapeutic relationships because I'm unable to trust anyone. And they all just seem to make me feel angry. The one exception to that has been that ERP for my OCD has been somewhat effective. I am in a relationship. Were maybe about 8 months in or so. So thats something for an FA I guess. But it's definately not secure lol. I flip flop like a beached salmon! I just have a little bit more awareness not to act immeditely on it I guess these days. |
|
|
|
Post by cherrycola on Oct 20, 2022 18:49:32 GMT
Have you read Pete Walker's book on PTSD he talks a bit about when you don't trust a therapist.
Also I feel you on the ADHD meds. Some days they made me incredibly tired, some days I felt super clear and able to focus and others they did nothing. I ended up giving up on them for now.
|
|
|
|
Post by krolle on Oct 21, 2022 0:20:35 GMT
Have you read Pete Walker's book on PTSD he talks a bit about when you don't trust a therapist. Also I feel you on the ADHD meds. Some days they made me incredibly tired, some days I felt super clear and able to focus and others they did nothing. I ended up giving up on them for now. I havent read it. But Pete walker is one of those names that has cropped up time and time again to me over the past few years. PTSD is a touchy subject for me. Especially CPTSD. I have a hard time accepting it. Despite the fact I have been told by several people far more qualified than me I would meet the criteria. With the ADHD meds I have found that if I keep the dosage low it works pretty consistantly for a while. Then when you get tolerant to it, take a break rather than up the dosage, as my prescribing doctor has had me do. My journal shows a persistant pattern of instability correlated whenever I increase dosage. particularly when it comes to affect control. But it's weird because I kind of like having feelings from that sometimes, even intense ones (I'm numb or dissociated usually). But on balance the wild instability isnt worth it. |
|
|
|
Post by introvert on Oct 22, 2022 13:58:03 GMT
I am, we are doing great. Feels stable and comfortable, I'm going to move in with him in a year or so when my kids are all flown. Have you done any sailing? We couldn't make it out to the boat this year so kept it on the hard... flights were crazy expensive for a long weekend so we passed on it. HOPEFULLY next year! Stability and comfort. That sounds absolutely wonderful. I'm jealous. It's just about the most difficult thing for me to achieve. I have been journalling quiet a bit this year and found very few places I have been able to feel at peace. I think there is definately something with my neurochemistry that just wont let me relax. Most of the times I write about feeling good is in the presence of adrenaline. It's like I get fleeting moments of absolute bliss when I'm on a knife edge, flow state as they say. Sailing has definately been a godsend for that because it allows me to achieve it in a much healthier way than previously. Which would normally be fighting, drugs, sex etc. I recommend sailing to just about anyone as a form of therapy. Sorry you guys didnt manage to get out on the boat much this year. I guess I consider myself lucky that my boat is a 5 minute drive from where I live. But I am really happy to hear about the strength of your relationship. Anything new you have learned this year that you'd care to share? You know, I think adrenaline is a factor in my boyfriend's wellbeing also, as a feature of (undiagnosed but omg textbook) adhd. Not that I'm diagnosing you, I just recognize his enjoyment of adrenaline in contrast to my own distaste for it lol. Funny how we have come together and worked so well with such differences, but I do see thst we both have expanded our tolerance and even enjoyment of the other's way of being. I take more risks along side him, and do more exploring and challenging of my comfort zone. He's taken to more relaxation, receptive to less results driven doing and more resting and just being. At the root of our happiness, I think, is the comfort of being truly appreciated and not just accepted for who we are, warts and all. It seems to have opened us both to growth because we aren't as defensive in our personalities and identifies as we once were. He lived hair on fire avoiding down time and his own anxiety about himself, I truly think. Not really able to face the discrepancy between his high functioning and low functioning aspects... an adhd conundrum maybe. Brilliant in some ways and incapacitated in others. With growing intimacy and acceptance and partnership in the relationship he's made progress he hadn't been able to make on his own, and it's awesome for both of us. It's taken a huge load off of him. I entered the relationship defended against a relationship, and the vulnerability and neediness that seemed to entail. What I've learned is I have a lot of unmet needs that I have distanced myself from and therefore become a difficult woman lol! Really a walking set of contradictions that show up in patterned reactions. Here's an example process: I've found that I really need you! You aren't available as I'd like (maybe distracted or busy) I KNEW this neediness business was a bad proposition! I need you so much that the best course of action is to withdraw and reduce my need. Maybe slam the door(figuratively or literally so you get a hint.) Uh-Oh, withdrawing feels like Old Bad News! SHIT! Alright, dammit. I WILL ADMIT I AM SAD and I NEED YOU. We finally discuss my needs and how he can help me feel connected and belonging. Progress made, but it's a process of recognizing my own need for safe human connection, deconstructing my internal conditioned beliefs about that, encountering some pain from that need being unmet so long, and allowing a new reality to be true. Then facing the vulnerability around that. Sometimes the cure hurts a little, I guess? Its terribly complicated at some points, and at others mind-bogglingly simple: Just be here, now. |
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Oct 23, 2022 3:04:41 GMT
Heeeeeeey…so glad to get a brief catch up from you. I am doing so much better. Still taking my medication and still meeting with my SE therapist. Got a new hobby…shark tooth hunting. 🙂🙂🙂 Shark tooth hunting? well that's the first time I have heard of it as a hobby. Hopefully you're not lookong for live specimins! I imagine Shark dentist is a job that comes with some significant risk assesment. hearing you're doing well makes me happy. Would you attribute SE as being a major contributor to that? Also remind me, what medication were you using again? if you dont mind me asking. I have been on a bit of a rollercoaster with my ADHD medication. To the point where it's effects are entirely unpredictable now. Some days I'll take it and feel wonderful, productive, alert, confident. Other days I can have panic attacks, feel very aggressive or just burst into tears of crying fits for no reason. Also sometimes crazy paranoia. One day last week I took it and went to work out and just saw threat everywhere. Everybody I caught eyes with I was convinced hated me or something. it was surreal and very uncomfortable. In terms of therapy. I have had 3 different therapists now. And they have all been pretty much a bust. I fail to form therapeutic relationships because I'm unable to trust anyone. And they all just seem to make me feel angry. The one exception to that has been that ERP for my OCD has been somewhat effective. I am in a relationship. Were maybe about 8 months in or so. So thats something for an FA I guess. But it's definately not secure lol. I flip flop like a beached salmon! I just have a little bit more awareness not to act immeditely on it I guess these days. I am on lexipro….and between that and the SE, I feel I am doing a ton better. 🙂🙂 |
|
|
|
Post by krolle on Oct 24, 2022 15:06:17 GMT
Have you read Pete Walker's book on PTSD he talks a bit about when you don't trust a therapist. Also I feel you on the ADHD meds. Some days they made me incredibly tired, some days I felt super clear and able to focus and others they did nothing. I ended up giving up on them for now. Have you read this book? |
|
|
|
Post by krolle on Oct 24, 2022 15:29:03 GMT
Stability and comfort. That sounds absolutely wonderful. I'm jealous. It's just about the most difficult thing for me to achieve. I have been journalling quiet a bit this year and found very few places I have been able to feel at peace. I think there is definately something with my neurochemistry that just wont let me relax. Most of the times I write about feeling good is in the presence of adrenaline. It's like I get fleeting moments of absolute bliss when I'm on a knife edge, flow state as they say. Sailing has definately been a godsend for that because it allows me to achieve it in a much healthier way than previously. Which would normally be fighting, drugs, sex etc. I recommend sailing to just about anyone as a form of therapy. Sorry you guys didnt manage to get out on the boat much this year. I guess I consider myself lucky that my boat is a 5 minute drive from where I live. But I am really happy to hear about the strength of your relationship. Anything new you have learned this year that you'd care to share? You know, I think adrenaline is a factor in my boyfriend's wellbeing also, as a feature of (undiagnosed but omg textbook) adhd. Not that I'm diagnosing you, I just recognize his enjoyment of adrenaline in contrast to my own distaste for it lol. Funny how we have come together and worked so well with such differences, but I do see thst we both have expanded our tolerance and even enjoyment of the other's way of being. I take more risks along side him, and do more exploring and challenging of my comfort zone. He's taken to more relaxation, receptive to less results driven doing and more resting and just being. At the root of our happiness, I think, is the comfort of being truly appreciated and not just accepted for who we are, warts and all. It seems to have opened us both to growth because we aren't as defensive in our personalities and identifies as we once were. He lived hair on fire avoiding down time and his own anxiety about himself, I truly think. Not really able to face the discrepancy between his high functioning and low functioning aspects... an adhd conundrum maybe. Brilliant in some ways and incapacitated in others. With growing intimacy and acceptance and partnership in the relationship he's made progress he hadn't been able to make on his own, and it's awesome for both of us. It's taken a huge load off of him. I entered the relationship defended against a relationship, and the vulnerability and neediness that seemed to entail. What I've learned is I have a lot of unmet needs that I have distanced myself from and therefore become a difficult woman lol! Really a walking set of contradictions that show up in patterned reactions. Here's an example process: I've found that I really need you! You aren't available as I'd like (maybe distracted or busy) I KNEW this neediness business was a bad proposition! I need you so much that the best course of action is to withdraw and reduce my need. Maybe slam the door(figuratively or literally so you get a hint.) Uh-Oh, withdrawing feels like Old Bad News! SHIT! Alright, dammit. I WILL ADMIT I AM SAD and I NEED YOU. We finally discuss my needs and how he can help me feel connected and belonging. Progress made, but it's a process of recognizing my own need for safe human connection, deconstructing my internal conditioned beliefs about that, encountering some pain from that need being unmet so long, and allowing a new reality to be true. Then facing the vulnerability around that. Sometimes the cure hurts a little, I guess? Its terribly complicated at some points, and at others mind-bogglingly simple: Just be here, now. It's nice that you have found a balance between the way your two nervous systems function. With adrenaline I think its sort of a medication for a lot of people because it forces you to be present. Much like your partner I have a lot difficulty resting. And tend to burn out. One of the maon reasons is that I find down time emotional ly exhausting. Its paradoxical. A walking contradiction to steal your phrase. If I'm tired and get a day of "rest" forced on me, I pace frantically. If I lay down I restlessly toss and turn. Mind running a thousand miles a minute. Mediation and deep breathing make me angry because they actually increase my minds resistance to relaxing. Usually I end up so agitated I have some liquor to take the edge off and that helps. But of course is not sustainable. Whereas when something is so demanding and the adrenaline is high, it focuses the mind. Everything becomes quiet and serene. Everything is directed toward the fight, or the race, or rollercoaster etc. An analogy I have used before is like if you have ever seen iron filings and magnets used in a high school level experiment. Without that magnet providing the force to align things the iron filings are just chaos. Pointing all over the place in a mess. With the precence of the magnet they all line up. I liked the dialog you presented about your needs. The problem I have usually had in the past is that it has been often very bad to state my needs in an honest way. For example this part: "I WILL ADMIT I AM SAD and I NEED YOU. We finally discuss my needs and how he can help me feel connected and belonging. My experience of that is: Me: "I WILL ADMIT I AM SAD and I NEED YOU. Them: "listens to me in a sort of faux empathetic way to avoid the conflict in the moment (people please) but I can really tell they're uncomfortable, then over the next few days/weeks withdraws from the relationship as they "lost attraction for me". Me: See them at the bar 3 weeks later with some neanderthal who can't string 3 words together lol. |
|
|
|
Post by introvert on Oct 25, 2022 3:55:43 GMT
Oh I feel you krolle . I kissed a lot of frogs, had a lot of bad experiences. This relationship has been the first where it's all come together, the years of two steps forward and one step back, two steps back and one step forward. So thats why it's comfortable and stable... its not that there is no discomfort ever it's that I can share my discomfort and find comfort in doing so. |
|
