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Post by neosporin on Dec 13, 2017 0:30:30 GMT
True or false? What do you think?
I tend to think this statement is true from all that I've learned about FA/DA and Covert/Overt Narcissists.
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Post by tnr9 on Dec 13, 2017 1:34:45 GMT
True.....my last boyfriend is not a Narc...I have dated 2 Narcs...but his attachment style is either DA or FA. I think it is important to remember that Narcissism is a personality disorder. I think Narcissism can stem from attachment issues but I think there is more to it then that. My last ex did not love bomb me as my ex Narcs did, he did not put me on a pedastal to later devalue me like my ex Narcs did, he did not put up a front that he was somehow superior to others/above the law like my ex Narcs did, he didn't lie to me like my ex Narcs did or cheat on me like my ex Narcs did and he never used fear tactics or breadcrumbs to get me to stay like my ex Narcs did. I truly empathize with anyone who has been in a relationship with a Narc...but I believe that there are lots of DA and FAs who are not Narcs.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2017 6:49:51 GMT
False. Not all avoidants are Narcs and and not all Narcs are avoidant. My ex Narc was anxious.
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Post by yasmin on Dec 13, 2017 17:31:07 GMT
I've also definitely met some very anxious narcissists before who could not be alone at all and immediately had to replace their next partner with someone new. They didn't distance emotionally, they just had a problem with empathy.
My brother is a really intense narc (we even joke about it because it's so pronounced) and it's so bad he actually buys his young children birthday gifts that HE wants or likes (even though they are under 10 years old) because he literally just cannot wrap his head around someone else having feelings and ideas and desires that are separate from his own. I don't think he could be avoidant if he tried, he is actually more desperate for approval and attention. He can't stand not being liked! If he has a fight with someone he has to do whatever is required to ruin their life and make everyone around think he is innocent.
It's a much more malignant problem!
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Post by neosporin on Dec 14, 2017 1:17:22 GMT
I've also definitely met some very anxious narcissists before who could not be alone at all and immediately had to replace their next partner with someone new. They didn't distance emotionally, they just had a problem with empathy. My brother is a really intense narc (we even joke about it because it's so pronounced) and it's so bad he actually buys his young children birthday gifts that HE wants or likes (even though they are under 10 years old) because he literally just cannot wrap his head around someone else having feelings and ideas and desires that are separate from his own. I don't think he could be avoidant if he tried, he is actually more desperate for approval and attention. He can't stand not being liked! If he has a fight with someone he has to do whatever is required to ruin their life and make everyone around think he is innocent. It's a much more malignant problem! I guess I feel otherwise because to me, being around someone at all times does not necessarily mean they aren't avoidant. The FA I know always has several women in the wings. He's never isolated, he just rotates through people and never goes deep with anyone. In the case of your brother, even though he likes to shower his kids with gifts, the gifts are a direct reflection of himself. Not what the kids would want or be interested in. To me, that indicates an emotional distance where he can't identify the needs of someone else. To understand what the kids would love and purchase that would mean he'd need to attach in a specific way outside of himself that an avoidant really can't. Another explanation is that people exhibit different attachments to different roles in their lives. Kids are dependent so one could easily relate to them one way, and to parents or romantics entirely differently. But it could also be that I don't understand Anxious Preoccupied type very well. I oscillate between Secure and AP so I put myself in the AP space. I may very well be off on my understanding of a more static AP type. |
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