Post by kailani on Dec 8, 2022 4:00:06 GMT
Im back. I needed to ask something. I’ve posted about my ex /breakup and you could check the history. Well within the last month had some things happen.
After continuing to act like I don’t exist, my ex came to my friend and I table unannounced and uninvited and sat with us (he knows her- acquaintance). He didn’t really speak or look at me directly but my friend felt like he was talking to me through her —so I know things. One week later he saw me alone eating and I was sick, stressed, etc. He asked to sit and Ithought he was just also eating. And I said yes. I have wanted to rebuild our friendship at the right time.
This is another story..but I always felt as if a good part or at least fhe first blindside was due to his intrusive thoughts. A problem unrelated to attachment. After the discussion, I am 100% sure he was /is having and has been having Intrusive thoughts and needed reassurance. It was really bad and must have been hellland perhaps this is why he also could not look at me. He has never asked for reassurance before but he did about 6 times (like a false memory but not a nice one). I am surprised he asked me what he did but he must have been desperate to get rid of it.
Spoke a little about the breakup he is not healed I don’t think based on his comments. (That I hav a hard time communicating..lol…then said we both did.) I didn’t say a lot, —but I really had a lot going on it was not a good time. I just didnt say what I need to bc it wasn’t the time and I had limited time.
We spoke a little about him ignoring me and he said He was uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say and I said it made me uncomfortable, etc. Said he still can’t be in a relationship, not seeing anyone, etc. After that, he didn’t acknowledge me out again when saw me…(more like avoid not cordial when it’s weird NOT to be).
A few days ago he came again, and sat with us. This time he asked. I honestly don’t know what happened to me but our convo from last week was extremely stressful for me with regards to me knowing he is not ok and just some of the things his thougths have convinced him what happened with us.
I had been planning to write him a note by the end of the year..but I have had too much on my plate so I guess it was pent up in me plus the convo and what he told me about his thoughts…And some of other breakup stuff..just stressed me.
Im also Worried about him. I don’t know why or how but I said, “No you’re not welcome here.” And he thought I was teasing and I said no I am not. About 3 times. And I told him he his not welcome to sit since he avoids and ignores me every other time he sees me
I have never made anyone in my life feel bad like that let in front of someone else like that. It was just matter of fact and not planned. As I did it after, I just felt how that must have destroyed him, but I really didn’t mean to do that. For the first time I may have felt what it is like for an avoidant/anxious to really push someone away without control. I felt horrible. He left in shock. It was totally something I should have said in private and not like that. My friend didnt care bc she thinks its rude of him but she doesn;t know the details.
Maybe he was trying to talk to me again, I don’t know. I am saddened about his other issue too and may bring tha up in the letter…
but if this was said to anyone, if a person is avoidant, is it recoverable? What I mean by that is- I read about the wounds and the last thing I want to do is give someone more, even if they hurt me already. But also maybe he never realized how it made me feel. I never ever reacted like that to anyone inc him. Total shock
Any suggestions to proceed? Do I even mention it? Attempt to fix it?
It’s definitely complicated w the other thing.. Perhaps we both showed each other what this all feels like, but I don’t feel good leaving it like that. It just came out.
After continuing to act like I don’t exist, my ex came to my friend and I table unannounced and uninvited and sat with us (he knows her- acquaintance). He didn’t really speak or look at me directly but my friend felt like he was talking to me through her —so I know things. One week later he saw me alone eating and I was sick, stressed, etc. He asked to sit and Ithought he was just also eating. And I said yes. I have wanted to rebuild our friendship at the right time.
This is another story..but I always felt as if a good part or at least fhe first blindside was due to his intrusive thoughts. A problem unrelated to attachment. After the discussion, I am 100% sure he was /is having and has been having Intrusive thoughts and needed reassurance. It was really bad and must have been hellland perhaps this is why he also could not look at me. He has never asked for reassurance before but he did about 6 times (like a false memory but not a nice one). I am surprised he asked me what he did but he must have been desperate to get rid of it.
Spoke a little about the breakup he is not healed I don’t think based on his comments. (That I hav a hard time communicating..lol…then said we both did.) I didn’t say a lot, —but I really had a lot going on it was not a good time. I just didnt say what I need to bc it wasn’t the time and I had limited time.
We spoke a little about him ignoring me and he said He was uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say and I said it made me uncomfortable, etc. Said he still can’t be in a relationship, not seeing anyone, etc. After that, he didn’t acknowledge me out again when saw me…(more like avoid not cordial when it’s weird NOT to be).
A few days ago he came again, and sat with us. This time he asked. I honestly don’t know what happened to me but our convo from last week was extremely stressful for me with regards to me knowing he is not ok and just some of the things his thougths have convinced him what happened with us.
I had been planning to write him a note by the end of the year..but I have had too much on my plate so I guess it was pent up in me plus the convo and what he told me about his thoughts…And some of other breakup stuff..just stressed me.
Im also Worried about him. I don’t know why or how but I said, “No you’re not welcome here.” And he thought I was teasing and I said no I am not. About 3 times. And I told him he his not welcome to sit since he avoids and ignores me every other time he sees me
I have never made anyone in my life feel bad like that let in front of someone else like that. It was just matter of fact and not planned. As I did it after, I just felt how that must have destroyed him, but I really didn’t mean to do that. For the first time I may have felt what it is like for an avoidant/anxious to really push someone away without control. I felt horrible. He left in shock. It was totally something I should have said in private and not like that. My friend didnt care bc she thinks its rude of him but she doesn;t know the details.
Maybe he was trying to talk to me again, I don’t know. I am saddened about his other issue too and may bring tha up in the letter…
but if this was said to anyone, if a person is avoidant, is it recoverable? What I mean by that is- I read about the wounds and the last thing I want to do is give someone more, even if they hurt me already. But also maybe he never realized how it made me feel. I never ever reacted like that to anyone inc him. Total shock
Any suggestions to proceed? Do I even mention it? Attempt to fix it?
It’s definitely complicated w the other thing.. Perhaps we both showed each other what this all feels like, but I don’t feel good leaving it like that. It just came out.
