relationship with a fearful avoidant

Are you in any kind of therapy yourself?  If not, now would be a great time to work on your own insecure attachment.  Take her at her word…she wants to work on herself (which is a good thing) but that requires for her to focus on herself.  It likely feels like she is distant because her energy is going back towards herself and that can feel very scary for someone with anxious attachment.  The good news is that there are many people here who have worked on their attachment insecurities and are doing much better because of that self work.  Good luck.

I am on a waiting list so it's in the works. I just hate feeling thus way, I do some major catastrophising in my head, like she's dating her friend who she spent new years eve with and we make plans to meet but she never does (although we did go for lunch for her birthday)

I just don't know how to cope with it, I want her back but I also don't want to push her further away.

It's tearing me apart lisa

I guess my questions are:

Is this relationship a lost cause?

There's so many signs that she wants a relationship and when we met for her birthday she told me she has trouble maintaining relationships because growing up she moved around a lot and everyone left her life eventually, she got cheated on by her ex husband, her dad died of a terminal disease so I totally get why she doesn't want to be in a relationship.

If it's not what should I do? I really don't know how to approach the situation

Did you actually break up? Or she wants more space but you didn't break up? Because my advice was if she said she wanted space but you're still together.

If she broke up with you, then you should not be talking every day. I have an FA ex who did this and tried to insta-friend me immediately even though I didn't want that. It is very, very common for FA to deactivate and withdraw from the romantic commitment but still stay intimate -- either emotionally OR physically, but you're downgraded and not official. That dynamic with an FA has been written about over and over again by so many people here. Effectively, they can't handle and don't want a full romantic relationship because it's too overwhelming, so they downgrade you to what they're comfortable with and doesn't trigger them. They're trying to find a way to meet their own needs, which are don't be too close and want full commitment because I need to believe I have one foot free out the door away all time BUT don't go to far either! And the approach really dismisses the needs of the partner, because they don't want to cause more pain but it's all they can handle so they hope it's enough for you, too. So talking every day is a bad idea for YOU, which is what's important right now.

Once the relationship gets to that point, it is a lost cause for the time being. Because you don't want the same thing and your needs together are completely different and incompatible, and that is okay! Your needs are very important, but AP dismisses their own needs to prioritize the other person, which is a codependency problem and recipe for failure. Her issues started long before she met you. You did not cause them and you can't fix them for her. Which means, this recipe for failure is due to incompatibility of needs unless she decides she wants to get some serious help to address her trauma and changes. That is not something you can expect, not a decision you can make for her, it's something that may or may not happen and it's something that even if it does happen it can take a couple years to process for her. And, the biggest kicker, if she really does change because she heals her trauma, you two may still not be a good fit together or attracted to each other anymore (a lot of insecure dynamics depend on trauma and trauma bonding to stay attached and attracted).

So the answer then is, prioritize yourself because the only one you can control is you. Take the space to work on your own attachment issues for your own sake, nothing to do with her. It may also take you a couple years of dedicated work to become more secure, because this stuff formed over years and can't be processed overnight. However, it may sounds daunting when I put it in those terms I know, but confronting your own issues, while painful, is COMPLETELY worth it. Situations like this are less devastating, less confusing, and actually become less frequent. Connections get less co-dependent and healthier, boundaries strengthen, communication improves, foundations of trust improve, and you don't lose yourself whenever an interpersonal connection goes wrong. It's a different mindset for sure, but it is how you heal and get off the merry go round of chaotic relationships that never seem to last.

Johnny probably has an anxious attachment, btw, and other mental issues, too. He should have just kicked Lisa out if he was emotionally healthy lol.

No, not necessarily. Direct communication is not the strong suit of the FA. They can believe they told you you're broken up without ever actually saying it but that you have still understood, since they want to avoid the confrontation. You should clarify what space means, even though you may not like the answer. But if it truly isn't a breakup, at least you'll be clearer on her expectations and can go from there. Space generally does not mean continuing to talk every day. You also don't want to enter situationship territory, that's extra hard on AP but tends to happen when both sides have bad boundaries or are too scared of the other person to clarify feelings.