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Post by trippintre on Apr 3, 2023 5:09:48 GMT
In some ways I’m happy to know so it can kinda be like a nail in the coffin of the entire relationship even though I didn’t think we’d reconcile it feels like confirmation of his pattern and just like the final moment of closure in the relationship. I’ve toyed with the idea of blocking/unfollowing him and am still considering it although I never felt really compelled to and still don’t feel strongly about it either way. I agree at a certain point it’s an unnecessary trigger but again I do feel like it was helpful for me to confront that reality. I can see that, makes sense. Just be sure to take good care of you, be kind to yourself. His issues aren't about you, and even if you two were simply incompatible, it wouldn't be just about you... relationships are complicated and if he's got unresolved stuff, they always will be according to pattern, no matter who he chooses. Try to be aware of an inner critic blaming you for all this. That's a narrative that you can transform with awareness and conscious effort. It's an insecure inner drama that keeps you emotionally unavailable... to yourself! I can't imagine anyone being so cruel and insensitive to tell you that it's your fault it didn't work out... but it's amazing how cruel we as insecures can be to ourselves. Be kind to yourself, and keep questioning the inner critic that keeps nagging you. I've posted a thread somewhere here about working with the inner critic... maybe search it out and see if anything resonates. Thank you, I’m really trying to make an effort to be kind to myself and try not to indulge that voice that tells me I’m not good enough. I knew this would happen and I also honestly suspect there was some overlap in our relationship and theirs. Not straight up cheating but I have suspicions they met while we were still together. I blocked him tonight - I do think it’s the best choice for me in the long run. I’m gaining nothing by seeing his life now and really want to leave this painful experience behind me as best as I can. I’m left with such an icky feeling that’s resurfaced again of like…did I even know this person? What was real and what wasn’t? I just hate that part of it. I know it ultimately doesn’t matter - what I felt was real and my experience and it’s not my fault he can’t be authentic. But it’s just…bleh. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2023 14:26:48 GMT
I can see that, makes sense. Just be sure to take good care of you, be kind to yourself. His issues aren't about you, and even if you two were simply incompatible, it wouldn't be just about you... relationships are complicated and if he's got unresolved stuff, they always will be according to pattern, no matter who he chooses. Try to be aware of an inner critic blaming you for all this. That's a narrative that you can transform with awareness and conscious effort. It's an insecure inner drama that keeps you emotionally unavailable... to yourself! I can't imagine anyone being so cruel and insensitive to tell you that it's your fault it didn't work out... but it's amazing how cruel we as insecures can be to ourselves. Be kind to yourself, and keep questioning the inner critic that keeps nagging you. I've posted a thread somewhere here about working with the inner critic... maybe search it out and see if anything resonates. Thank you, I’m really trying to make an effort to be kind to myself and try not to indulge that voice that tells me I’m not good enough. I knew this would happen and I also honestly suspect there was some overlap in our relationship and theirs. Not straight up cheating but I have suspicions they met while we were still together. I blocked him tonight - I do think it’s the best choice for me in the long run. I’m gaining nothing by seeing his life now and really want to leave this painful experience behind me as best as I can. I’m left with such an icky feeling that’s resurfaced again of like…did I even know this person? What was real and what wasn’t? I just hate that part of it. I know it ultimately doesn’t matter - what I felt was real and my experience and it’s not my fault he can’t be authentic. But it’s just…bleh. It all does suck, for sure. But you're on your way to getting past it, and if you keep taking good care of yourself and supporting the things inside you that present obstacles to the relationship you want, you will get there! It's been a long process for lots of us. |
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Post by tnr9 on Apr 3, 2023 14:29:33 GMT
I can see that, makes sense. Just be sure to take good care of you, be kind to yourself. His issues aren't about you, and even if you two were simply incompatible, it wouldn't be just about you... relationships are complicated and if he's got unresolved stuff, they always will be according to pattern, no matter who he chooses. Try to be aware of an inner critic blaming you for all this. That's a narrative that you can transform with awareness and conscious effort. It's an insecure inner drama that keeps you emotionally unavailable... to yourself! I can't imagine anyone being so cruel and insensitive to tell you that it's your fault it didn't work out... but it's amazing how cruel we as insecures can be to ourselves. Be kind to yourself, and keep questioning the inner critic that keeps nagging you. I've posted a thread somewhere here about working with the inner critic... maybe search it out and see if anything resonates. Thank you, I’m really trying to make an effort to be kind to myself and try not to indulge that voice that tells me I’m not good enough. I knew this would happen and I also honestly suspect there was some overlap in our relationship and theirs. Not straight up cheating but I have suspicions they met while we were still together. I blocked him tonight - I do think it’s the best choice for me in the long run. I’m gaining nothing by seeing his life now and really want to leave this painful experience behind me as best as I can. I’m left with such an icky feeling that’s resurfaced again of like…did I even know this person? What was real and what wasn’t? I just hate that part of it. I know it ultimately doesn’t matter - what I felt was real and my experience and it’s not my fault he can’t be authentic. But it’s just…bleh. You are not alone…I had to revisit my relationship with B because he moved so fast with the next girlfriend. But I simply came to the conclusion that while he was with me…I was all in, irrespective of how he felt, said, acted. It is very important to simply own who you were/are and leave the questioning about him aside. If it makes you feel any better…I doubt he was “using” you….these patterns of falling quickly and then breaking up when the relationship becomes “real” are very common amongst insecurely attached individuals. Now you have a chance to find someone who is more secure. 🙂 |
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Post by lovebunny on Apr 3, 2023 18:18:51 GMT
Maybe 5 years ago, I had an 8 month r'ship with an FA who dumped me twice then immediately got with another woman (there was clearly some overlap.) We'd been about to go on vacation together, had the resort booked, etc., guess what? they took the new girlfriend instead. Unlike with me, they declared their love for this woman on social media, clearly all in. I questioned my own self-worth and my interpretation of our relationship quite a bit.
I recently became platonic friends with this ex, and I learned that the reason they were able to go all in with the other woman? She was an emotionally unavailable alcoholic and was NEVER going to be all in. It felt "safe" for them to declare their love because they'd never have to back it up with long term togetherness. Of course, it didn't last past the 2 year mark, it was not true love forever, and ended badly.
In other words, try not to make yourself crazy over it. It's really not about you.
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Post by trippintre on Apr 3, 2023 20:59:43 GMT
Maybe 5 years ago, I had an 8 month r'ship with an FA who dumped me twice then immediately got with another woman (there was clearly some overlap.) We'd been about to go on vacation together, had the resort booked, etc., guess what? they took the new girlfriend instead. Unlike with me, they declared their love for this woman on social media, clearly all in. I questioned my own self-worth and my interpretation of our relationship quite a bit. I recently became platonic friends with this ex, and I learned that the reason they were able to go all in with the other woman? She was an emotionally unavailable alcoholic and was NEVER going to be all in. It felt "safe" for them to declare their love because they'd never have to back it up with long term togetherness. Of course, it didn't last past the 2 year mark, it was not true love forever, and ended badly. In other words, try not to make yourself crazy over it. It's really not about you. Thank you. Trying not to make myself crazy over it - doing my absolute best to depersonalize and remind myself about what I already know to be true. Obviously if my ex has had 4 back to back 8 month relationships, he does very well at the beginning/honeymoon and things always go awry as the relationship settles into something permanent, no matter who it’s with. If I’m correct about my suspicions about this new relationship he’s in, it is long distance. Which explains a lot as well. I digress - he is now blocked and I will no longer trigger myself with all this new info. Gonna continue healing and living my life (which is great and happy and full of love  ) |
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