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Post by dlans1 on Feb 1, 2023 7:46:05 GMT
I wonder if voice messages in communication with FA are sometimes better than text messages. The advantage is that you can hear the voice and tone, instead of just reading text and imagining the sender's emotions.
Of course you can’t use them all the time, but when it comes to discussing something serious, you just hit record, keep a friendly voice tone and leave it there for FA to listen
Any opinions about this ?
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Post by lovebunny on Feb 1, 2023 13:22:21 GMT
My most recent FA ex and I often resorted to text for ongoing deep talk (and we had a LOT of these,) as long as he was not expected to answer right away, because he could think out his responses after he'd calmed any emotions that came up, and I could do the same.
For me, who is usually AA but sometimes swing FA, if I'm not that into someone I find voicemail (and excessive texting) an invasion and annoyance.
Unfortunately, ultimately, I don't think it matters much, text or call. An FA is gonna FA, it's nearly impossible to communicate your way out of the AP/FA dance. I can't tell you how often I imagined if I could just make the FA understand how I felt, find the right combination of words to win them over....Truth was, everything I did to try to draw them closer just make them see me as more of a trap.
You want an FA's attention? Absence and silence may bring them around. Unless they're truly done with you, in which case at least you'll know.
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Post by introvert on Feb 1, 2023 14:52:13 GMT
Depends, if you're an AP chasing an FA neither approach. And if you have to ask this question you are in an unavailable, insecure relationship where mode of "communication" isn't the real issue.
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Post by tnr9 on Feb 1, 2023 18:23:00 GMT
I wonder if voice messages in communication with FA are sometimes better than text messages. The advantage is that you can hear the voice and tone, instead of just reading text and imagining the sender's emotions. Of course you can’t use them all the time, but when it comes to discussing something serious, you just hit record, keep a friendly voice tone and leave it there for FA to listen Any opinions about this ? Honestly….it did not make a difference in the relationship I had…and he preferred text over voice calls. |
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Post by alexandra on Feb 1, 2023 20:25:32 GMT
If an FA was avoiding communication, text was more likely to eventually be responded to. I doubt if I left a voice message instead that any deactivated now ex would have even listened to it. They'd have put it off and "forgotten" without clicking through to listen. Voice having nuance would probably make the message seem more real and urgent, so perceived as more confrontational and scary. (The forgetting was real, though, and a type of disassociation in order to avoid.)
But relying on text and email instead of in person communication or phone is a huge problem in a lot of insecure attachment relationships when it comes to conflict resolution. It's not just FA, though I can think of an FA female friend of mine who tried to handle all the grievances leading up to her divorce via email and text, and it helped her get her thoughts in order but also reflected the overall giant communication breakdown that she and her avoidant ex-husband lived together but couldn't directly just talk about stuff in person. He was an equal contributor to the dynamic.
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Post by cherrycola on Feb 2, 2023 3:01:47 GMT
FA here. Text. Please. Never voice. Sometimes even a text can be hard to open if I know it's going to be emotionally loaded but I will eventually get around to it. Calls I'll look at that "new voicemail" symbol daily until it disappears. I was dating an FA who although he preferred the phone when calm the second he got upset he would reject calls. If we were together and got in a fight he would text while beside me, it was literally the only way he felt safe enough to get things out.
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