Post by introvert on Mar 9, 2023 15:36:49 GMT
.... you are seeing that you are stuck in dysfunction yourself, long term, with the relationships you have been struggling with? As you've just described?
I have seen in my own life when I'm really perturbed by someone who is doing something I struggle with in my own shadow. Seeing this has been painful and humbling to me but also VERY liberating. I come to see that what I am suffering from is actually not outside of my control (their frustrating ways) but is within my control (my choices, once I have self awareness).
I see this as a natural part of growth, this awakening to what's going on in ourselves that creates our experience.
Sometimes we cast our issues onto other people, it's part of the human experience. Not that they don't have issues, but some of the most frustrating conundrums have much less to do with others than they have to do with our own narrative and way of manifesting it in our lives.
Well, what I mean here is more simple, and may or may not relate to "Shadow" in the sense of doing shadow work. I'm not thinking it out beyond what I'll try to describe here.
You describe being frustrated with people who stay stuck and don't seem to be able to move forward in ways that seem to you to be obvious. They seem confused, and it's because they are not confronting the root problem. (I might be mis-stating this, it's what I have derived to the best of my understanding).
In fact, it's dawned on you in your post this morning that you are perhaps recreating dysfunctional family dynamics, surrounding yourself with people like this. So, you're the one who you're frustrated with, you're the one who is having difficulty confronting the root problem (your relationship pattern with your friends who have big issues). You're the one stuck in a pattern that might seem obvious to other people.
Maybe you're struggling with the fact that in spite of all the hard work you really have done, you're still in this predicament with toxic friendships. And you feel triggered by them because they are toxic, but also triggered by the fact that you're recreating unhealthy, familiar dynamics with them.
So you can try to parse out all the different issues with each person, or take a look at the big picture which is you forming or maintaining friendships that require a lot of accommodating draining and confusing dynamics.
I personally see nothing wrong with moving away from toxic dynamics rather than salvaging relationships that suck the life out of me. I have outgrown many relationships and replaced then with connections that meet me on a healthier level, as I have become healthier. I've gone through stretches of time when my connections were very few as I worked it out, and it's lonely. I've slipped into isolation and found comfort there as a dismissive, as well... it's all a big process.
But in short what I'm suggesting is, maybe there's nothing to figure out here other than that you've outgrown connections that don't serve your highest good. That can be a painful realization, and one that seems to mean more isolation (abandonment). But we have to take off the old shoe that doesn't fit to put on the one that does in order to continue the journey, so to speak. That requires some trust in the ourselves and the universe or what have you. The letting go.
I can't say if this is really true for you, I am only trying to give perspective that you can throw at the wall and see if it sticks if you know what I mean.