GS FOR YOU TO THINK ABOUT What you hate in others is usually what you hate most in yourself. The people who drive you crazy do so because they reflect back at you the worst aspects of yourself that you have either tried to deny or overcome.
We judge others by the same standards which we judge ourselves. If we judge ourselves by how much money we make, we will judge others by how much money they make. The values we’ve adopted for ourselves are the same values we project onto others.
Reflect: Then consider sharing this thought with others. THREE THINGS FOR YOU TO ASK YOURSELF What metrics have you adopted to measure your own self-worth? How have those metrics affected your relationships with others? Have they affected them in a positive way? A negative way? Both?
Recommended: Use these as journaling prompts for the week. ONE THING FOR YOU TO TRY THIS WEEK Try forgiving someone for not living up to the metric you’ve established for yourself. Just because you believe you need to do something to deserve love, doesn’t mean everyone else does too. The world requires all different types. Ask yourself, “What value can they provide that I cannot?”
Can I add a qualifier to this? I agree with what he's saying here about one type of mindset: that if you're insecure and disconnected from yourself and specifically can't quite explain what about the other person's behavior bothers you so much and why, then it's probably a reflection issue. But I'm going to add the qualifier that if you can fully verbalize the underlying issue and understand when it's a value misalignment, and there's no mystery "but why does this actually bother me so much, I don't know??" component to it, then I don't think this same framework always applies.
I agree…also…although I agree with the idea that what bothers you about someone else also bothers you within yourself….I would caveat that abuse that causes trauma does not mean that the abuse caused by someone else indicates that you too have an abusive side. So there are definitely limitations to this line of self questioning.
Say you are the target of someone else's abuse and neglect (as an adult). (External factor)
Likely you are also abusing and neglecting yourself and this is where the dynamic originated... your own negative self talk, negative beliefs about yourself, neglect of your own needs... all due to a lack of awareness and healing).
So it isn't "He abuses me, so I must be an abuser of others."
But it well may be, "He abuses me, and I allow it because I abuse myself."