She will come back?

Hi and welcome….unfortunately there is no way to determine whether she will come back.  Right now, you need to trust what she said and give her space.  I know that is not what you want to hear, but from what I am reading she has been honest with you about her trust issues.  It does sound like this has really thrown you for a loop and if you are not currently speaking to someone professional about your own anxiety, now would be a good time to find a therapist.  

I know

I know and I go to a therapist what I also told her to fight with my own fears
what made her scared that it was because of her and the truth is that it was the fault of the people I surrounded myself with and who made me see myself in a worse light, which made me afraid that I was not enough for her

It sounds like you are dealing with your own insecurities and it might be good to focus on healing right now and not focus on dating.  Based on your initial post…she is also dealing with her own issues….so it might not be the right time for either of you.

It is not fair to you to be in a relationship with someone who cannot bond with their partners when you want to be in a real relationship. This will be unending torture, since you will only ever long for a connection you cannot fully have. However, she is not lying about lacking the ability. Her lack has nothing to do with you. But you can't do anything to change it for her.

It sounds like she is avoidant and you are anxious, which means you have different needs. She needs so much space in order to avoid a connection. Space makes her feel safe, and a connection makes her uncomfortable. You need connection instead of space to feel safe and satisfied, and space makes you uncomfortable. Neither of you is in the wrong, but even if you love each other, someone will always be chasing what they need to feel safe that the other person cannot give.

It is difficult when you have an anxious insecure attachment style, because your heart will play a mean trick on you. You will only feel in love with people who are unavailable in some way and want distance. Someone who wants a relationship with good connection will feel boring. This is because of how you received love as a child. It was likely inconsistent or unpredictable, and you tried to convince adults to love you and meet your needs. Without healing, usually through therapy, this repeats in adult romantic relationships. But with healing the past, it can change.

This is why you're getting advice to stick with therapy and try not to focus on your ex right now. The difficult and hurt feelings you feel over your ex are not really about your ex. They are about this difficult pattern that anxious people experience in their lives, where they feel overwhelming feelings for those who need space. Those feelings feel like love... but are longing, fear, and anxiety. Hurt leftover from the past. Therapy takes some time to work, but stick with it because eventually it will help you feel better. It is okay to be sad about your ex until then, and part of healing is letting yourself feel hurt about break ups. But every time you see and speak to her, you will feel the bad feelings strongly again and again. So instead, try giving yourself space to focus on therapy while she takes whatever space she wants. This does mean not speaking with her for some time, but it will actually help you feel better. Don't forget that you deserve to feel better and to date someone who you do not need to chase for love. Do not abandon yourself and your own needs in an attempt to chase someone else. There's no reason to be mean to yourself in that way. You can love her from a distance, and love yourself enough to want to feel better through trying something different other than chasing and longing for her.

The thing is….there isn’t someone “better” than you….”different” yes…..but not better.  I recognize the low self image and looking to someone else to make you feel worthy.  But as Alexandra said….your driving need is to be close…her driving need is to be distant.  If you give her space but do not honor your need to be close…then your mind will start to worry that she will leave you and when she returns, you will come across as more “needy” and she will likely then require more “space”.  It is a never ending push/pull cycle that leaves neither person getting what they need.  In therapy, I would suggest focusing on your low self esteem.  Why do you believe there are people who are better than you?  Why do you believe that someone you love could abandon you so easily for someone else?  These are tough questions but will help you to better grasp why you feel the way you do.

Instead of speaking to her….do you have a therapist you can speak to?  If not, I highly recommend speaking to one.  The reason you want to speak to her is because you feel anxious and want her to tell you everything is ok….but she cannot provide that to you, whereas a therapist can help guide you through your anxiety and teach you ways to reduce it all on your own.  Also, be careful with how you phrase your relationship…you did not “lose” her because she was never really “yours”.  A relationship works best with 2 autonomous individuals who choose to be with each other. 

And know i feel like crazy one

I was giving her space a lot od space but after time i starter to worried about her i want to give her a lot of space and myself too at the begining
because i dont like to be with someone 24H a day.i wanted to have my own life and for her the same thing.
but after first break up i was davasted and i dont want to lose her. and i started to analyzing everythign like i sad.