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Post by cherrycola on May 11, 2023 6:21:16 GMT
My company is on a bit of a mindfulness kick lately. I'm not unfamiliar with it, as I have a personal mindfulness practice in and out of therapy, but never been a fan of the corporate prescribed stuff.
Anyways, my boss sprung on us we were starting a weekly 5 minute mindfulness at the start of our team meetings, and I instantly felt so angry and triggered. Part of this was I felt violated and trapped. It was so bad I wanted to leave the room but everyone all went along with it. We aren't allowed to bring our laptops into meetings so I sat there and stared at the wall for 5 minutes until they finished, just trying to not cry. A coworker after told me I looked pissed, and I'm sure my boss noticed. I made a joke about how I put all my feelings away at work and I don't need to be dragging them out in front of coworkers. But I really can't explain my entire reaction. I am not even sure if what my boss did was inappropriate or something I should bring up somehow. I don't want to be seen as being "difficult". Everyone else seemed fine with it.
I also have a difficult relationship with my boss. He is prone to playing the victim and guilt tripping people, including in front of others, if you make any comment or feedback he doesn't like. I seem to be his favorite person to do it with. I try really hard to not be dragged in, but I will admit it has turned into a large amount of avoidance on my part because having every comment turned into poor me becomes exhausting. For example, his dog died during a routine vet procedure and he then proceeded to bring it up in meetings how he "killed his dog" and this continued for weeks and even came up again when someone was sharing about a new kitten. I once took him aside after a meeting and said a comment he made wasn't very respectful and he now makes offhanded comments about how the PC police are going to come after him and he doesn't understand how to be PC. etc etc.
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Post by alexandra on May 11, 2023 8:12:49 GMT
I don't think you're being triggered by mindfulness. From what you describe, I think you're being triggered by a very uncomfortable office environment and boss that's probably toxic...
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Post by cherrycola on May 11, 2023 15:28:41 GMT
I don't think you're being triggered by mindfulness. From what you describe, I think you're being triggered by a very uncomfortable office environment and boss that's probably toxic... Hmmm, maybe you are right but why did that specific topic set me off the edge? It felt like I was being forced to do something super vulnerable in front of everyone. But that seems silly to me? It's just sitting there. I guess I'm worried that maybe I was just being resistant because of my relationship to my boss and not because of a real objection. I sometimes find myself digging in and refusing in a way that feels like a child/parent and not an employee/boss. It's unfortunate because at one point my boss was a friend and mentor and then a re-org resulted in taking over my team, it was hard to navigate the change in relationship. I'm not sure if I never noticed the victim stuff, it's got worse or our dynamic has deteriorated to the point that maybe I'm triggering him worse then others. |
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Post by mrob on May 11, 2023 15:34:06 GMT
I’d think it is the hypocrisy. Mindfulness and meditation are intimately personal things to do, and you’re being asked to do something intimately personal in front of your workmates and your duplicitous boss. I think your internal response is reasonable. PC police? Join the union. Then he’ll know what police in the workplace really looks like, lol.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2023 15:37:04 GMT
I don't think you're being triggered by mindfulness. From what you describe, I think you're being triggered by a very uncomfortable office environment and boss that's probably toxic... Hmmm, maybe you are right but why did that specific topic set me off the edge? It felt like I was being forced to do something super vulnerable in front of everyone. But that seems silly to me? It's just sitting there. I equate something like this with a personal spiritual and wellness practice, and I am very private when it comes to stuff like this. I had religious practices shoved down my throat in my life and I find it sickening when anyone tries to do that to me now. Even though I practice mindfulness, I do it at a time of my choosing and not as a result of someone's expectations or rules. There ahould have been an invitation, with those who decline being free to leave the room. I DONT DO GROUP STUFF like this, idk if it's avoidance or personality or both. But I feel a big NO come up for me too. IdK if you relate at all, just throwing it out there. Maybe it violated a boundary. Or created a group-vibe that you want to be separate from especially because the group contains at least one goober. |
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2023 18:04:35 GMT
Yeah, it truly passes me off. Like, you can invite me but don't tell me what to do with my mind , and when. Especially coming from a stupid boss. It feels very invasive to me. THIS IS WORK, and I will be mindful privately and over there, thanks.
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Post by cherrycola on May 11, 2023 18:52:19 GMT
I’d think it is the hypocrisy. Mindfulness and meditation are intimately personal things to do, and you’re being asked to do something intimately personal in front of your workmates and your duplicitous boss. I think your internal response is reasonable. PC police? Join the union. Then he’ll know what police in the workplace really looks like, lol. Ironically I am in the union and I once made reference to consulting them about something which got a very defensive and mad response from said boss about how they were hurt and view themself as reasonable so the union didn't need to be involved. I am actively looking for a different role inside the company. |
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Post by cherrycola on May 11, 2023 18:55:29 GMT
Thank you all for the responses and support. I find myself trying to formulate the best way to approach him to say not for me thanks without causing an issue. And then I'm like is that the insecure way to deal with this? Trying to figure out the "perfect" way to communicate.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2023 20:09:56 GMT
Thank you all for the responses and support. I find myself trying to formulate the best way to approach him to say not for me thanks without causing an issue. And then I'm like is that the insecure way to deal with this? Trying to figure out the "perfect" way to communicate. Just tell him you don't know how to be PC so someone is gonna gave to call the PC police 😆 |
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2023 20:15:40 GMT
Honestly I myself would sit and be mindful of my anger because then I win by taking care of myself in spite of it all. You make yourself free by welcoming all of your experiences. So just because it's triggering doesn't mean it can't be a very useful tool for growth.
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Post by cherrycola on May 16, 2023 18:10:29 GMT
It of course came up again during this weeks meeting and another coworker very passively expressed some dislike, and then I gently said I don't like doing mindfulness in public, but I appreciated what he was trying to do, so I could step out and everyone was very quick to agree to scrap it. My boss seemed to understand and take it surprisingly well.
My heart was just pounding and I wish I could be more playful and light to deal with such things but I'm glad it was swift and I felt like my coworkers had my back.
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