Post by justconfused on May 23, 2023 5:51:35 GMT
Hi everyone,
I'm new to this forum and to fearful-avoidants (but have had an experience of dating a DA in the past), so excuse me if this has been discussed in some way already.
I am dating someone who I suspect to have some degree of fearful avoidance. She is interested in a relationship and does show decent amount of intimacy when in-person (both physical, and in terms of showing proactiveness in setting dates, wanting to meet up), but appears to be triggered every time we are away from each other (for instance, when I go on longer business trips, or when she goes away on vacation with her friends).
Every time this happens, we repeat a cycle where she just completely retreats for days and goes silent, does not respond to my messages, doesn't pick up the phone, while still stalking my social media stories etc.
Interestingly enough, she also shows a greater amount of attention before these trips, for instance wanting to see each other every day before either one of us leaves (she initiates and suggests), much more than our usual 'schedule'. I'm securely attached and am able to tolerate the behavior without flipping out/chasing etc., though not responding for many days does make me feel hurt and question the relationship (when usually we at least text every day and typically see each other 1-2x/week)
I find the hot and cold really confusing, and it really seems to be centered around trips - as if she is imagining scenarios that are completely unreal that are going to happen while I am gone.
Any idea from the FAs here of what this could be and how to break through it?
Thanks
JustConfused
I'm new to this forum and to fearful-avoidants (but have had an experience of dating a DA in the past), so excuse me if this has been discussed in some way already.
I am dating someone who I suspect to have some degree of fearful avoidance. She is interested in a relationship and does show decent amount of intimacy when in-person (both physical, and in terms of showing proactiveness in setting dates, wanting to meet up), but appears to be triggered every time we are away from each other (for instance, when I go on longer business trips, or when she goes away on vacation with her friends).
Every time this happens, we repeat a cycle where she just completely retreats for days and goes silent, does not respond to my messages, doesn't pick up the phone, while still stalking my social media stories etc.
Interestingly enough, she also shows a greater amount of attention before these trips, for instance wanting to see each other every day before either one of us leaves (she initiates and suggests), much more than our usual 'schedule'. I'm securely attached and am able to tolerate the behavior without flipping out/chasing etc., though not responding for many days does make me feel hurt and question the relationship (when usually we at least text every day and typically see each other 1-2x/week)
I find the hot and cold really confusing, and it really seems to be centered around trips - as if she is imagining scenarios that are completely unreal that are going to happen while I am gone.
Any idea from the FAs here of what this could be and how to break through it?
Thanks
JustConfused
