Currently I am not dating anyone but I thought putting some things down might help others.
Recently my therapist and I have been exploring “choice”…and the lack of “choice” growing up. This most predominantly comes out while driving as I feel inconvenienced by other drivers who drive in a manner that engages a rather judgmental side of me. We have found that everything is ok UNTIL I am confronted by another driver…at which point I go into an escape/get away/paranoid mode which means driving faster with a goal of having other cars between me and that driver. It means a more reckless driving style and a lack of “adulting”.
Before my current therapist and being on medication for anxiety, all of this happened unconsciously and I would end up feeling shame/guilt/embarrassment/sadness/anger without a good tool to address having my nervous system overwhelmed. And that is when I would crave someone else as a safe person to help me regulate. For years post breakup…this was when I would crave B because I did not trust myself to be a safe person and I felt I needed someone else. Once my therapist helped me to see this link of craving a safe person in times of overwhelming feelings….we were able to bring much more self compassion into that space and I no longer crave B.