Post by mrob on Jun 8, 2023 15:23:20 GMT
Evening all. My turn to be a bit vulnerable.
From January until two weeks ago, I was involved with a lady in an unusual way. The irony isn’t lost here, btw. “Get involved in an unconventional way, expect unconventional results”. It was an open type relationship. We’d talked about polyamory, which I would really struggle with, but non monogamy was fine. As most here know, I have dodgy plumbing, and woman can’t live on bread alone, so to speak.
Anyway, four weeks ago, she lied to me about not coming for our usual Friday night date, but didn’t really say she wasn’t coming. I innocently found out, I gave her the opportunity to come clean, and she lied again. If there was ever a circumstance where there was no need to lie, it was this.
We ended up speaking about what happened, she apologised, citing communication problems at her end and we agreed to move on from it. What had really happened was (sigh) I’d met some of her crazy family. We’d spoken every day since the end of January.
Escalation. It all came to a head again two weeks after the conversation, after an evening together where she thought my response to the dishonesty was out of proportion. To and fro happened where it was established that I had caught the feelings in an FWB thing and I then shared with her what I’d written that morning.
“It was lovely to see you last night. To watch a movie, eat pizza and laugh. You’re so easy to be around. I know you’re emotionally unavailable, yet something happens to me when we’re together. My heart goes soft and gooey. My problem is that I hurt when I see the reality of the unavailability. You’ve never said it was any different. My heart is my responsibility, and as such, I really need to protect it. I think we should leave it here. You’re an amazing person, and I know you’ll achieve your goals. I’ll miss your kisses, your cuddles, the way you open me up to things I’d never experience. I’ll miss you from your head to your toes, but I know now isn’t the right time for us”, to which her response was “no, I’m not, I’m sorry” Off into the sunset.
I think I’ve come a long way thanks to this forum in particular. I have now tried pretty much every unconventional solution out of the book to live with this insecure attachment in myself and others. There’s nothing left but variations of the same. This time I presented anxious, other times, avoidant. Even when I kept my expectations in proportion, I was disappointed. This time I thought I was something I wasn’t. I thought I was a priority when I wasn’t. I’d taken it upon myself to act that way.
I’m finding myself in a hard place again, empty and without a focus (who knew).
From January until two weeks ago, I was involved with a lady in an unusual way. The irony isn’t lost here, btw. “Get involved in an unconventional way, expect unconventional results”. It was an open type relationship. We’d talked about polyamory, which I would really struggle with, but non monogamy was fine. As most here know, I have dodgy plumbing, and woman can’t live on bread alone, so to speak.
Anyway, four weeks ago, she lied to me about not coming for our usual Friday night date, but didn’t really say she wasn’t coming. I innocently found out, I gave her the opportunity to come clean, and she lied again. If there was ever a circumstance where there was no need to lie, it was this.
We ended up speaking about what happened, she apologised, citing communication problems at her end and we agreed to move on from it. What had really happened was (sigh) I’d met some of her crazy family. We’d spoken every day since the end of January.
Escalation. It all came to a head again two weeks after the conversation, after an evening together where she thought my response to the dishonesty was out of proportion. To and fro happened where it was established that I had caught the feelings in an FWB thing and I then shared with her what I’d written that morning.
“It was lovely to see you last night. To watch a movie, eat pizza and laugh. You’re so easy to be around. I know you’re emotionally unavailable, yet something happens to me when we’re together. My heart goes soft and gooey. My problem is that I hurt when I see the reality of the unavailability. You’ve never said it was any different. My heart is my responsibility, and as such, I really need to protect it. I think we should leave it here. You’re an amazing person, and I know you’ll achieve your goals. I’ll miss your kisses, your cuddles, the way you open me up to things I’d never experience. I’ll miss you from your head to your toes, but I know now isn’t the right time for us”, to which her response was “no, I’m not, I’m sorry” Off into the sunset.
I think I’ve come a long way thanks to this forum in particular. I have now tried pretty much every unconventional solution out of the book to live with this insecure attachment in myself and others. There’s nothing left but variations of the same. This time I presented anxious, other times, avoidant. Even when I kept my expectations in proportion, I was disappointed. This time I thought I was something I wasn’t. I thought I was a priority when I wasn’t. I’d taken it upon myself to act that way.
I’m finding myself in a hard place again, empty and without a focus (who knew).
