Post by mysteryuser on Jul 15, 2023 23:09:03 GMT
I've been thinking about the energy that my past partners/crushes have given me and the many traits I knew very well weren't reflective of someone who is reliable (emotionally, mentally, financially, etc). I dated a lot based on "potential" instead of the current reality of things and knew at some level that they weren't giving me what I needed and I was ready to take on the job to "fix" them instead and earn their love. Some were super flaky, some showed absolutely no emotion in any capacity, and my past boyfriend was very reliable in most ways but his emotions were what I would call extremely volatile (I presume FA).
There's a lot of talk about protecting your inner child from energy that does not sit well with your true authentic self by creating healthy boundaries. It really helps visualizing this inner child with my adult self as the parent. Asking myself "can I have a relationship with this person, as they are now, while respecting and protecting my inner child? Is this someone I would trust with my inner child?" makes me realize that the answer was no for all my crushes/dates, but I hesitate at saying no to this for my last partner, perhaps because I still care deeply for this person who was healing his own wounds.
That said, I want a child way in the future, and on asking the question "do I trust this person, as they are now, to be the father of my future child - to emotionally, physically, financially protect my future child?" -- the answer is a resounding no for all of my past partners. The standard for the father of my child is higher than my partner, and though parents are supposed to protect their children, I feel like this inherently comes from a place of feeling like I am somehow less worthy than another person.
I remember an instance in the last 2 weeks of my relationship where my ex was irreparably upset with me for something he had been holding in for months, and I was extremely anxious and felt like he was about to break up with me. One of the thoughts that ran through my head was "do I trust him to be the father to my child and be this volatile/lack this much communication? Will this be healthy for that child?" and my answer was a no. Despite this, I still tried to do whatever I could to continue being with him, because I don't in fact have a child, and in some ways he was allowed to treat MY inner child that way.
I'm definitely working on this, but curious to know if others have thought of it this way.
