I need to get to the bottom of this. When I’m not with my wife, I get really pissed off and irritated. When she’s with her friends on a social night, or hosting an event herself with her business, I get really jealous of those she’s with. This manifests into negative thought patterns towards her, and a feeling of wanting to get one over on her, make her jealous, flirt with other women.
I feel like I need to get used to not having her attention all of the time. I get so mad when she’s got a date in her diary coming up and get really passive/aggressive towards her. She goes out on a Friday night and tends to be hungover the next day so I treat it as being away from her even longer, as she’s not present when she’s recovering from alcohol that next day.
This has been present our whole 8 year relationship, but seems to have come to a head with us having a 3 year old. I just feel like we get no time together, even though I know we do, and I resent not being able to spend every waking moment with her, I know this is unhealthy but it’s now bordering on making me depressed, as I think what’s the point as I will always feel like this, nothing to look forward to, etc.
I get even worse about this during summer holidays - I’m a teacher and six weeks holidays gives me a lot of time to think, but also I have to find stuff for us to do during the day as she’s always at work.
It may be anxious attachment, but it's definitely co-dependency on your side. I'd start with looking up more about that. It doesn't mean all the issues are entirely one-sided, she may be contributing to a difficult dynamic in some ways in addition to you having soft boundaries and unreasonable expectations (as you're right, you can't spend all your time together, and it sounds like anything less is not enough). But there's lots you can do on your side to begin improving this if you do have co-dependent tendencies. Starting with looking up co-dependency resources or looking into therapy options.
Yes. I'm anxiously attached and have a very hard time pulling my head out of my partner's rectum (when I have a partner.) I'm sure there's SOME times you don't want to be with your wife, just not nearly as often as she seems to want to be with others...and you get envious, jealous, yep yep.
Is your wife using prime weekend time to always be with friends and nurse hangovers, or do you get some quality weekend time with the wife just as often?