I hate myself for my relationship

I'm going to make an attempt to support you, but I have some questions for you in order to establish a sense of what you are looking for, what your background is in terms of psychological support and self awareness, and the kind of interactions we might be able to have here that could prove helpful to you, if you are interested in personal growth and healing.

First though, I would like to say that if you are only able at this time to express self hatred and regret, I am unable to offer you support. I am interested in participating in discussions that lead to enhanced coping skills, self awareness, and personal growth. If you aren't ready for that, I do sympathize but again point you toward professional, in person support.

So my question to begin is, are you willing to answer some questions and develop a working rapport in order to address your suffering with the aim of learning from it, and making progress toward healthier and gentler perspectives toward yourself? I will not respond to further expressions of self hatred and self abuse (referring to yourself as garbage, etc.). There is nothing constructive to be found in that conversation, and while I feel sympathy for your emotional state it is not appropriate for me to engage with you until you are able to approach this in another way.

Wishing you the best whatever you decide!