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Post by kismett on Dec 21, 2017 0:45:55 GMT
To be perfectly honest I would prefer if people on the board would refrain from deciphering the psychology to my attachment. I know why and I’m sorting it through with professionals and people who know my life and history and my friendship with him. To comment on it on a message board without a full scope of it is not fair to me and is honestly not helping.
I’m looking for answers to the question of whether the switch that happens with avoidants in viewing the person who triggered them as a permanent view. I listed his qualities to point out that although I have determined he’s an avoidant that he has demonstrated compassion and possible awareness of how he behaves.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2017 4:27:06 GMT
I and others on here are only trying to help. I spoke to the nature of the relationship because it related to my answer. I am avoidant and the nature of the relationship does effect how I will view a trigger. No one can answer your question, they can only tell you their view. Avoidants are individuals. You can try to control people's posts on here, but it's a public forum.
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Post by kismett on Dec 21, 2017 5:22:28 GMT
I’m not trying to control anyone’s behaviour on this forum. I’m asking people to not assume they understand the scope of my history and attachment type based on a small glimpse. There is a lot about my life and how and why I attach to people that one cannot know based on a message board. It’s hurtful even though people are trying to help. Jumping to conclusions - labeling me as an FA, saying this is merely a case of unrequited love. Its jumping to conclusions and assuming very personal things about me that aren’t true. I know avoidants are individuals. I clearly care deeply for one and am sad I didn’t know sooner what triggered him to be of support. And this question is wondering if something that has been stated on this forum that blankets avoidant behaviour is true of all individuals. I’m actually saying I hope these blanket statements aren’t true.
I just want to delete this thread at this point as I am feeling attacked at this point. Don’t know how to go about that.
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Post by tnr9 on Dec 21, 2017 13:09:27 GMT
I’m not trying to control anyone’s behaviour on this forum. I’m asking people to not assume they understand the scope of my history and attachment type based on a small glimpse. There is a lot about my life and how and why I attach to people that one cannot know based on a message board. It’s hurtful even though people are trying to help. Jumping to conclusions - labeling me as an FA, saying this is merely a case of unrequited love. Its jumping to conclusions and assuming very personal things about me that aren’t true. I know avoidants are individuals. I clearly care deeply for one and am sad I didn’t know sooner what triggered him to be of support. And this question is wondering if something that has been stated on this forum that blankets avoidant behaviour is true of all individuals. I’m actually saying I hope these blanket statements aren’t true. I just want to delete this thread at this point as I am feeling attacked at this point. Don’t know how to go about that. Hey Kismett....I did not read people assuming things but we're trying to get a better sense with limited information. You are correct..no one knows the scope of your life...but they also don't know the depth of this relationship. I think it truly brave of you to search for answers...it is obvious that you cared deeply about this man and your attachment system found something very special in your friendship. Unfortunately, he was not able to meet you where you are...and that is his loss. That is not what you are looking for but that is all I can provide to you given what you have shared. There is a blessing in the ripples that are left once someone special cuts off from us and that is that we get to see just how wide and deep our ability to care runs. You haven't given up on him and that is a credit to your kindness. Hang in there. |
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