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Post by avoiddemons on Dec 21, 2017 1:03:44 GMT
So my avoidant (probably FA) bf is suddenly behaving normally. Showing up when he said he would, allowing himself to be vulnerable and open around me, being living and affectionate, suddenly being super keen to spend the night and be emotionally as well as physically intimate.
Am I hallucinating?
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2017 4:33:52 GMT
Why do your posts about him always seem to have this underlying hostility?
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Post by Jaeger on Dec 21, 2017 10:19:11 GMT
The FA push and pull cycles seem to be the opposite of their partner's, most of the time. Have you said or done something to make him think you aren't interested or that you want to break off contact? That may very well spark a lot of 'pulling' behaviour in him.
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Post by kristyrose on Dec 21, 2017 18:35:25 GMT
Hi oshun,
My ex did the exact same thing when I told him I had considered breaking up with him. He was away visiting family and stonewalled me for almost 10 days! We had an argument before he left but had made up and I took him to the airport. When he got back, we had a talk and I told him if he did it again, it would be over for me. He changed almost overnight and did exactly what you described in terms of being attentive, loving etc. So I can say that when it comes to any kind of threat of me leaving, he pulls me back in.
Even now, we have been broken up since April of this year, but dating again, he is doing the exact same thing. Just recently he sent me a text saying we need to move on more, so I did NC for about 10 days, then he shows up at my door and is more loving than he has ever been in the almost 3 years I have known him. It's because he thought I was leaving him for good.
It's hard- if only they could be this way all the time, but it seems like it only happens under some kind of threat to them, primarily being abandoned.
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Post by stavs on Dec 21, 2017 20:43:35 GMT
Consistent behavior would certainly be an anxiety killer for sure. I hope your guy continues this patterm and you guys have a happy life together!
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Post by stavs on Dec 21, 2017 21:50:20 GMT
Consistent behavior would certainly be an anxiety killer for sure. I hope your guy continues this patterm and you guys have a happy life together! Thanks Stavs I've decided I just really don't want to break up with him. He's an AMAZING person. I hope we can work this out. Good luck! I'm somewhat in the same boat and want things to work as well  |
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