|
|
Post by seeking on Mar 28, 2024 12:47:01 GMT
Perhaps instead of approaching it as love….maybe list the aspects or traits you associate with love and see if there are people who meet 1 or more of those traits. Love can mean so many different things and I would not to presume to know what it is to you. I don't know if I would have been able to put it into words but the other night I was watching a show. And the two main characters are getting married, and their friends just got married. And all four of them were together, and two friends just threw their arms around each other and one said "I love you." I think that's all. People who have your back, are in your life, can show up, say "I love you," throw their arms around you - whomever that may be - a friend, a parent, a sibling, spouse, etc. |
|
|
|
Post by seeking on Mar 28, 2024 12:56:41 GMT
Are you asking for love? I know your friends are going through a lot but that need not squeeze you out, even in hard times most of us have love to give those we are closest to. I see a strong martyr theme in your posts and if its accurate it will dampen your ability to ask and receive. We have to reach out to find belonging and that sense of love and connection that humans inherently need. It's not just something that flows necessarily we need to engage it with our vulnerability. If you are surrounded by relationships that can't reciprocate then reach out to strangers like calling a faith based prayer line or something would be my suggestion, if you are open to suggestions. Humans are capable of sharing this human compassion without a personal relationship and it can still be very healing. In times of isolation I have gained a real sense of safety and belonging in the human race with Swedish Massage (with a skillful and in tune provider). But I have found, coming out of isolation meant reaching out and daring to be seen. Nobody came to see me as much as I put myself in front of them to be seen. It was a life changing process to learn to reach out like that. To just put myself in a position to receive. Not venting, complaining, telling a story ... just a simple "I need comfort and to feel loved and less alone" in so many words, whatever words get straight to the heart of the matter without a narrative around it. Simple honesty stripped of everything else. Here I am, love me please, thank you. Someone will be able to meet you there, at least I found that humans around me were able to call upon their own compassion to help me. That's the thing about these human needs... (compassionate) humans also need to pull those who suffer into safety. This week, my therapist said I was too bogged down to do the modality that we do. He tried to give me practical help. He understands my situation with my daughter. He asked what I wanted. I tripped a bit because I'm not used to saying it. So I don't know if it's "Martyr" or really not being in the mindset of me getting what I need because I'm giving and it's habitual and reflexive. Labels can be oddly shaming and then just leave me feeling stuck. So he finally worked at getting me to spell it out and when I did I got stuck again -- a weekend to myself (as in a Saturday and a Sunday) and some help during the week. But how? He said, "Don't worry about the how." So just knowing that put me in a better position. I reached out to some people. I can't afford childcare. But I'm still going through the motions. So far no responses and it did take some effort, so I'm hesitant to put effort into something with no return. I did think to ask my sister to take my daughter 1 weekend a month for 1 overnight. I think she'll say no at first, and then yes, and then do it once, and then not be able to (for whatever reason) do it again. There's really no one else I can ask. I think at the heart of it there's a part of me that finds it "easier" to just keep plowing through b/c it's almost like it "knows" there's not really other options and so why bother opening up to that possibility when it's only going to exhaust me further- just keep going. And yet I do see some value in it. It helps to have an idea and a framework so if there is an opportunity it's more at the forefront. Also, can you give an example of this? "I put myself in front of them to be seen. It was a life changing process to learn to reach out like that. To just put myself in a position to receive."
This is lovely: Not venting, complaining, telling a story ... just a simple "I need comfort and to feel loved and less alone" in so many words, whatever words get straight to the heart of the matter without a narrative around it. Simple honesty stripped of everything else. Here I am, love me please, thank you. Someone will be able to meet you there, at least I found that humans around me were able to call upon their own compassion to help me. That's the thing about these human needs... (compassionate) humans also need to pull those who suffer into safety.I will try it. I did reach out to someone I know last week and while she did some not great things in the past, she's been okay lately. (I don't 100% trust her) but she met me - at least verbally and said I'm on her radar -- she'll be kind of "looking after me" from afar. And since then I have made some more in-person connections and feel things are going in a slightly better direction. |
|
|
|
Post by seeking on Mar 28, 2024 12:58:48 GMT
An example of give and take even in difficult times... this is real: My young adult son is single parenting his toddler due to the instability/absence of the mother. He is often overwhelmed, he is grieving the breakdown of the family he thought he could have. His best friend who also has a young child is going through a divorce, and they call each other daily to support and tell each other they love each other, and encourage each other. Yesterday my son's father commited suicide, tragic end to addiction. And he was on the phone giving and receiving love with his friend, both are now in such unimaginable pain. The level of pain in each life is not a determining factor when it comes to a balance of giving and receiving. It has been this way always. It is like this in my family as well, with my young adult kids. When one suffers we all close in for them, but if another of us then suffers more we shift and close in around the one who has need. It is a dynamic flowing of compassion not a one way street, ever. No one becomes ineligible because their pain is less. I'm sorry about his dad. Is that your ex? I read your last paragraph over and over. It's the thing I long for. I don't have that with my family or many around me. It's incredible. And I'll admit I'm envious. Not in a "martyr" sense. Just like wow. Profound.
When one suffers we all close in for them, but if another of us then suffers more we shift and close in around the one who has need. It is a dynamic flowing of compassion not a one way street, ever. No one becomes ineligible because their pain is less. |
|
|
|
Post by seeking on Mar 28, 2024 13:07:49 GMT
lovebunny - that is funny about cats! I'm going to start going to massage and another body modality. I'm going to do an in-person group about emotions that is fun and with someone I like. I'm going to a meeting for creating a local economy and where people are willing to trade and volunteer. I did go back to an online dating site this week -- coping strategy for all this and not sure this is what I need to be doing. Someone reached out to me. A potentially good match and I'm all already "I don't know. He looks a little short. Ew he's sweaty in that pic. I don't think I'm attracted to him. No on the purple tie." Lots going on there and it's disappointing that that "part" of me is still doing her thing. I am planning to ask my sister for help (likely won't happen). I am actively looking for situations that help support my daughter more (without it being all me). I am changing my work life to make more money and see less 1 on 1 clients - that level of "giving" and helping in my work life is burning me out unless I have more support for myself. I am scheduling online zoom chats with colleagues I enjoy and who feel supportive. I am paying more attention to the things I enjoy. I am hugging my nutty dog more.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2024 13:26:49 GMT
An example of give and take even in difficult times... this is real: My young adult son is single parenting his toddler due to the instability/absence of the mother. He is often overwhelmed, he is grieving the breakdown of the family he thought he could have. His best friend who also has a young child is going through a divorce, and they call each other daily to support and tell each other they love each other, and encourage each other. Yesterday my son's father commited suicide, tragic end to addiction. And he was on the phone giving and receiving love with his friend, both are now in such unimaginable pain. The level of pain in each life is not a determining factor when it comes to a balance of giving and receiving. It has been this way always. It is like this in my family as well, with my young adult kids. When one suffers we all close in for them, but if another of us then suffers more we shift and close in around the one who has need. It is a dynamic flowing of compassion not a one way street, ever. No one becomes ineligible because their pain is less. I'm sorry about his dad. Is that your ex? I read your last paragraph over and over. It's the thing I long for. I don't have that with my family or many around me. It's incredible. And I'll admit I'm envious. Not in a "martyr" sense. Just like wow. Profound.
When one suffers we all close in for them, but if another of us then suffers more we shift and close in around the one who has need. It is a dynamic flowing of compassion not a one way street, ever. No one becomes ineligible because their pain is less.Yes, it is my ex of 23 years. He relapsed into a drug addiction that pre-dated our relationship (which was a typical unaware insecure entanglement) when the kids were very young. He delivered pain to our doorstep on a regular basis for 23 years, and tragically, this was the last delivery. Very heavy stuff but I've been preparing to support the kids through this for quite some time. It's sad. And the availability of love and empathy and support was something I never had in my life for a very long time as well. Absolutely unimaginable. It is something developed over time, over a long time, this ability to be vulnerable and available too. It started as empathy for the self, I think. A long journey into recognizing my own emotional and physical needs made me more empathetic to the needs of others and the courage to step outside my own patterns to be present without carrying my own agenda to the space. The kids and I have massive amounts of trauma we have worked through mostly on our own, because they don't trust therapists after horrible court-ordered interventions to "help" us. Disaster ensued from that, whole other story. So it's basically been me, leading the way with 1)recognizing and admitting how I've blocked a healthy dynamic unknowingly, by being in a survival energy 2) finding sense of safety and trust first with relative strangers who were available in various capacities(in order to break free from swirling around in familiar toxic patterns with those in close proximity, family and friends who were operating without awareness) 3) practicing honesty and vulnerability. What I mean... instead of just blathering on about the things wrong, and narrating the hardships without emotionally connecting, I learned to just identify and name an emotion and let someone respond to THAT. Distilling down to the nitty gritty pain. Instead of telling someone the details of the circumstance so that they can figure our or guess what I feel or need, doing that work myself. "I feel so so sad." "I feel I don't belong, and I feel lonely" "I feel embarrassed and ashamed of something in me" etc etc. Those things don't always need to be parsed out and rationalized. They don't always need to be figured out and changed. Sometimes you just need a freaking hug to start the healing and fixing. Sometimes you just need someone to care even if they don't have the right words. Sometimes just a reassurance and empathy. Simple presence. When you learn how beautiful that is to receive, you become more skilled at offering it, and it grows from there. Some things that have got in the way of this simple love and presence have been: FEAR. When my kids have experienced deep hardships or problems, I was on high alert for that one thing that would wipe us out. So I had to get in there and lead, take control, fix it. I didn't trust that we could be ok, because we had been through so much and my leadership was needed to just get us through. I couldn't trust life, I couldn't trust healing, I couldn't trust inaction and sitting with emotions. IGNORANCE. I just didn't know what I didn't know. I hadn't experienced simple presence in my life. I hadn't had it modeled for me. My family of origin was dismissive, unempathetic, controlling. This was all out of survival energy and was a family habit. And other things... that's what stands out to me at the moment. In a nutshell, safety developed over time by letting go of habits and stopping to just feel big stuff without having answers to it. I ramble. I hope something here is helpful though. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2024 13:37:37 GMT
As far as the "putting myself in front of someone to receive " piece. I think I described that in my last statements.
It amounts to bare bones emotional vulnerability. Keeping it simple. It requires labeling your emotions and then just stating them and what you need in the moment. Not what you need in the big picture that would get you out of the place you're in, this is just the emotional piece. Not the practical piece.
My own pattern was to intellectualize everything and make sense of it. So if a friend dies I would be philosophical, work on letting go, do all the practical things, minimize the pain by reading about other peoples loss, blah blah blah.
I had a breakthrough when I realized I could just get turned inside out and ripped apart by grief in the presence of another person and just let them say things to the effect of: "I am so sorry, I know you loved her so much. Your love is beautiful. This is so painful for you."
Simple empathy. Simple compassion. No roles. No habits. Just simple feeling.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2024 13:47:49 GMT
The best love (in the form of empathy and compassion) I had came from relative strangers with no agenda, and that helped me eventually find safer, emotionally available people for my life. I had to stop going to an empty well when it came to sharing myself with people in close proximity... I had a bunch of emotionally unavailable people around me and had to find essentially a whole new emotional environment.
|
|
|
|
Post by seeking on Mar 28, 2024 14:53:28 GMT
I would say self love is not enough, nor is it supposed to be. But you do not need romantic love to feel loved. I feel more love pouring from my friends then I ever felt from a man. I'm not saying this is easy, you have to do the work and show up yourself. You need to be vulnerable and show them the cracks in your armor and sometimes it means doing the painful work of letting go of friendships that don't serve you. It has also meant a lot of putting myself out there and showing up enthusiastically to new connections, even though some of them fizzled out. I think that is the scariest part for me, is going out on a limb saying I like you, want to .. hang out? then carrying through and texting, making plans, just generally putting myself out there for rejection. If you consistently show people you want to be their friend the right people will gravitate towards that. This is great advice! |
|
|
|
Post by seeking on Mar 28, 2024 15:22:36 GMT
Thanks, Alexandra. That makes sense. Also wondering for the average middle-aged person where they are getting a feeling of being loved from? Is it normal to want to feel loved as an adult? This is confusing to me because of so much of the messaging around recovery/codependency etc. Almost to the point where it comes across as if we're supposed to be fine as our own island. Which I know isn't true ... but like people here have said- if you are recovering from alcoholism, you can go without alcohol, but I don't think people are meant to go without love. And I'm not using that as a justification for love addiction. I'm just wondering what a healthy way of feeling loved is when all the old strategies are gone (thankfully). I wonder if there is a difference between "love" and "connection." We can generate self-love but we can't really find connection without others to connect with. I think as humans we all need connection and maybe that is what you're saying you are lacking? I personally feel like connection can come in lots of different forms, even just in small daily interactions with strangers. But it's different for everyone. I am okay without a big friend group as long as I have one or two friends that I'm close to and can connect with (even if they live far away) - some people need more than this. I do think that without having some form of connection with other humans, most people would struggle. Being at peace with being alone or single to me does NOT mean being okay with being totally isolated or without connection. I don't think that would be healthy. This is a great point. I'm not even really able to connect with myself right now. I'm just go-go-go. I have people who have wanted to "connect" with me. Even if just over zoom or phone, but I have been too busy to? So that's part of the irony. So things seem to be in this order now Find help and support and time away from my kid First connect with myself. Do some things I like Then connect with others (otherwise, connecting with others feels like more overwhelm) I also have an extremely skittish side that I am working on -- it worries me. But in the past couple days - I was dropping my daughter off at the library, and coming up steps and at the top of the steps was a good looking guy who was looking straight at me. I immediately like darted away? That was nuts. Thinking back I was like, maybe he was just too young. It's hard to know because I skittered away so quickly. And then last night in the grocery store, I turned around and was face to face with a guy I met who I run into all the time. He's soooo good looking and was making so much eye contact, I was immediately flustered and wondering if I had seaweed snacks in my teeth and just saying nutty things. I'm also not sure if he's a good fit for me because he's not super masculine and has pretty soft, chill energy that makes me feel wonky but still. Just watching myself like dart away. And then, of course, because I stupidly put a profile up on a dating site in the midst of all this (an old "coping strategy"), someone matched with me and wrote me this morning. And I had all these judgey thoughts about his appearance, and then thought, "Well, at least he'll accept me" (And I'm talking appearance wise. I guess as I'm writing this out I have SUCH rejection sensitivity. I'm still losing weight. Definitely aged, and I feel SUPER self-conscious (clearly) right now but I think it's really just major fear of rejection. So just noticing that too. |
|
|
|
Post by alexandra on Mar 28, 2024 18:28:07 GMT
Are there any support groups around you for single parents of special needs teens? Maybe if that group exists and you establish good relationships with a couple people you can take turns giving each other some hours off here and there?
|
|
|
|
Post by seeking on Apr 3, 2024 16:35:51 GMT
Yes, it is my ex of 23 years. He relapsed into a drug addiction that pre-dated our relationship (which was a typical unaware insecure entanglement) when the kids were very young. He delivered pain to our doorstep on a regular basis for 23 years, and tragically, this was the last delivery. Very heavy stuff but I've been preparing to support the kids through this for quite some time. It's sad. And the availability of love and empathy and support was something I never had in my life for a very long time as well. Absolutely unimaginable. It is something developed over time, over a long time, this ability to be vulnerable and available too. It started as empathy for the self, I think. A long journey into recognizing my own emotional and physical needs made me more empathetic to the needs of others and the courage to step outside my own patterns to be present without carrying my own agenda to the space. The kids and I have massive amounts of trauma we have worked through mostly on our own, because they don't trust therapists after horrible court-ordered interventions to "help" us. Disaster ensued from that, whole other story. So it's basically been me, leading the way with Sorry to hear about the loss of your kids' dad. Second paragraph I could have written. I get that my family is super dysregulated. My mom, my dad, my sister. My sister has a regulating force in her life (my brother in law) who runs the whole show, so he feels it less. She does not have financial pressure or needs to lift a finger. She does not want to give that up. If something is going on in the family, she worries it will change her current status of being in control of everything and staying checked out. She can't handle the slightest topple. She has no skills in this regard and doesn't actually care about obtaining them. I think unless she is forced to -- but even then people around her enable her helplessness. And that's always been the case. This is the first time (in the past weeks/month) that I am actually admitting to myself I can't do this alone any longer. I need help. I'm heading to a bad place if something happens because I just don't have the support around me save 2x a month therapist (and he's overseas) and a couple friends who, as I mentioned, are both going through very challenging things of their own right now. So through parts work, I have much, much more self-compassion than ever. That alone is helping me heal. But I still need the practical aspects of support/help/love in the external world. I've been able to do this with others, but not receive it so much myself. So gonna start a new post here about that, but . . . I was able to stand in my kitchen with the person who cleans my house 3x a year (I clean it in between don't worry lol) and cry with her about her mom. I was able to hold space and just listen and be quiet while a friend departed to another state to be with her mom. I was able to just show up for someone and listen or hug them. Or just validate what they are going through is a lot. And to let me know if there's anything that I can do. Or to remind them to take good care. in the past week, I found a very part-time sitter. She's not ideal (she can't do pick ups or isn't available on days I'd really need her) but I have two things at night next week - a church thing and a group thing in person that I'd truly like to go to and I asked her. It's a big step, energy I don't have to put out talking to her, meeting her, checking references, having her get to know us, etc. But I'm doing it. Just as I'm going to this thing at church. And a group meeting. I've reached out to a couple people in town to ask for things - one was just input on a decision (but a huge decision) and that's been a big help. I started developing a part of my business that can help me free up my schedule (at least theoretically) a little more. I got more sessions with my health coach. I reached out to three colleagues for information sessions to help me with business development. I've researched PDA and found what I call "assists" for my daughter. I've reached out to a couple friends to chat. Not that this is great, but I didn't reply to a bunch of emails b/c I had no space. I asked for an extra session with my therapist (though he can't give it right now). I scheduled a talk (personal) with a colleague or two. I stopped "pretending" -- and this is the subject of the next post! |
|
|
|
Post by seeking on Apr 3, 2024 16:57:28 GMT
So as far as the stopping pretending...
My sister had made a big deal over easter. How she didn't want to have it, wanted to go out. Didn't have the money. Was tired. Etc.
I offered to pay the money. She kept complaining to me. I told her it's not about me. It's for my parents (who live for having the whole family together) and the kids. She was like, "Yeah."
But something in me couldn't go. I don't like going to someone's house who doesn't want me there. I'm not interested and have zero energy in "pretending" to be okay. Or "masking," as it were.
So I seemed to manifest some sort of horrible stomach pain in the middle of the night Saturday night that was awful. I got like 5 hours of broken sleep and on Easter morning, I got up with my kid, but I knew I couldn't drive or pull off the day. So I told everyone I wasn't going. It made everyone sad but oh well.
Normally I would have bypassed that and felt too guilty.
I talked to a friend on the phone for FOUR hours. I napped, I got up and just read some things. It was the first time in a very long time I just honored myself, and honored my own capacity. It was wild. Like a first.
But my sister....
So she texted me and was like 'What happened, did you just need a break."
I tried to explain that I'm feeling really challenged and need help. Fell on deaf ears.
So then she comes back with that I'm worrying mom.
This is a trigger for my sister. She gets upset if mom is "getting worse" (in early dementia) and that stress dysregulates mom.
Um. Okay? So I said, "Well, yeah, it's gonna worry mom. I can't help that. I really can't pretend anymore that things are just okay."
So she says nothing.
Later she says, "Well on a positive note" {I guess because it's all about being positive?} "daughter is having a good time."
I said, "Yes, daughter loves being with her cousins."
Later she sent me a funny, inappropriate political instagram post to "cheer me up."
I didn't respond.
Yesterday she sent a photo to me and my daughter via text of her daughter and her dinner. I didn't respond.
I have nothing to say. I'm not going to pretend so that people don't "worry" about me. I can't control if they worry.
So then I get a text, "When mom was at your house last Friday did you do xyz healing work with her?"
I have no idea how to answer this. What is she asking me? And how can she ignore that I've CLEARLY (At least I think I have) shared with her that I'm going through stuff. Why does she just ignore that?
Maybe this is just me being an empath, but I don't get it. If roles were reversed, my next text to my sister would be "Hey, how are you feeling today?"
I know her text about my mom is to do with the fact that my mom is prob stressed right now (who knows about what, since I'm sure my mom already forgot about my stuff!) but what does it mean that she's asking me if I DID HEALING WORK WITH MY MOM? I do it when I can.
So I haven't responded. I'm ready to shut down. But I know that's not the way. The one thing I'm hoping for is that my sister would be willing to take my daughter 1 weekend a month - either for the day or an overnight. This is minimum I need to stay sane, and I can't ask my parents (my daughter is reactive in their house which is moldy) and she no longer goes to her dad's.
It feels REALLY hard to ask my sister for this. I don't even know honestly how to think of my sister. Is she clueless? Lacks compassion? Doesn't care about me? I'm trying not to make any assumptions. But I can use some help/support around this.
I think this is the start of a big change in my family system that I'm just not available as the cornerstone or the rock to fix everyone's dilemmas. That I'm actually the one of all of us needing the most support. That's a sea change. I feel that I will be resented, but not sure....
|
|
|
|
Post by alexandra on Apr 3, 2024 21:34:05 GMT
Your sister has always sounded from all your posts that she lacks the ability to have empathy for anyone else. It's not directed at you, but you interact with her frequently enough for it to be impactful and wearing.
It's true that when a person's boundaries start shifting, like let's say you want out of the drama triangle, the people around them need to figure out how to respond. Usually they don't want the dynamic to change. I'd caution you to prepare yourself that if you are no longer going to let everyone dump their dilemmas on you to solve because now you're the one who needs support, that they won't be capable of giving it to you or changing their side of the dynamic. If you don't trust they'll be able to provide proper support (which you don't, or you wouldn't be so concerned about whether or not your sister can babysit one night a month), listen to your gut and trust your intuition.
Keep looking into meeting other single trustworthy parents who are interested in switching off some times that one person can host and the other gets a break. If you can find this, it will be so much easier for you than trying to go to your sister for support when you already know she's going to be totally unreliable about it. I have some unreliable family members too, and I wish it could be different, but I've had to accept it isn't going to be and decide what I'm most comfortable with in working around it.
|
|
|
|
Post by seeking on Apr 4, 2024 0:12:44 GMT
Your sister has always sounded from all your posts that she lacks the ability to have empathy for anyone else. It's not directed at you, but you interact with her frequently enough for it to be impactful and wearing. It's true that when a person's boundaries start shifting, like let's say you want out of the drama triangle, the people around them need to figure out how to respond. Usually they don't want the dynamic to change. I'd caution you to prepare yourself that if you are no longer going to let everyone dump their dilemmas on you to solve because now you're the one who needs support, that they won't be capable of giving it to you or changing their side of the dynamic. If you don't trust they'll be able to provide proper support (which you don't, or you wouldn't be so concerned about whether or not your sister can babysit one night a month), listen to your gut and trust your intuition. Keep looking into meeting other single trustworthy parents who are interested in switching off some times that one person can host and the other gets a break. If you can find this, it will be so much easier for you than trying to go to your sister for support when you already know she's going to be totally unreliable about it. I have some unreliable family members too, and I wish it could be different, but I've had to accept it isn't going to be and decide what I'm most comfortable with in working around it. My sister doesn't have relationships. She recently told me that "90% of women are annoying" (Maybe it was a higher percentage). She kept the one (very codependent) friend she had because it served her in some way even though she drives her crazy. I feel like people like my sister stay how they are because of enablers... my BIL is a big one. And the same goes for my ex and his wife/GF -- if it weren't for my BIL or my ex's wife/GF, these people would fall apart. In a big way. That's what I don't get, I struggle to find scraps of support and my BIL does EVERYTHING for my sister. Same with my ex's GF (they are kinda married). I think your cautioning is wise. It's why I haven't responded to her text yet. I tried to schedule an extra session with my therapist, but he couldn't and he's out for two weeks. I know something big is coming because I'm not willing anymore to play the game. It feels earth-shattering/life-changing and yet I have nothing in me that can do it anymore. But, I think one of the purposes of my ask (to my sister) --- and I realize this may sound manipulative --- is to have a "record" -- like I asked her to do this and she's unable to and it's one of the things I need in order to function. So then don't bother asking me to function (over-function) and help mom, do this, help you, respond about that. We'll see what she does with it. But it's definitely brought up a lot of panic/anxiety, emotional pain. Because as I'm sure you've known from my posts for a while, Alexandra, I've never really had this. And I guess I'm finally facing it. I think it's also upsetting because one of my dearest friends faced this in his family. He always told the bitter truth about it (I guess hoping I would do the same), and I think he's sadly gone now. He was always suicidal. So I'm kind of scrambling to really get some support in place because this is really just hard -- losing the illusion. I do believe my sister has the illusion that she somehow is a sister who would do this. As far as other single parents, sadly, I just know Sooo many people who are going through a lot. Many people have come to me asking for help with their kids (I don't work with friends or friends' kids now). Because they are in horrible crises. I'm picky about who I let my daughter around. But since you brought it up, I might have one or two I can ask. But more of a "here and there" thing -- as they are married (with more stable kids) so not something ongoing I can rely on. And my kid and her social issues is another thing. But that's improving. |
|
