Post by permanentdamage99 on Jun 4, 2024 13:13:26 GMT
I am a 25F - FA, and he (32M) is also one (he is more dismissive, and a big avoidant of conflicts), I know he was very avoidant in all of his past relationships (he mentioned in his most recent relationship he used to see the girlfriend only once a month and wasn't really in love with her, big red flag), on our first date he said how he was hurt in the past, about 7,8 years ago and how he promised himself to never give his heart like that ever again. With me he was very consistent and affectionate, would text everyday and make plans every few days, we were head over heels about each other, he expressed how he never felt that way about anyone and that even his own family is surprised about how he makes time for me because he wasn’t like that with his exes, he was the first one to say "I love you", the first months were definitely magical. But after a few conflicts and me threatening to break up, he changed a lot and pulled away (he started to flake on our plans, taking longer to text back, arranging any planes, being in his on world due to his work), I felt very neglected and lonely, I would break up and then go back saying it was a mistake, I just wanted a reaction out of him but he seemed completely numb, I would get anxious and lash out at him (I never called him names or similiar!). I decided it was better to end it and focus on myself.
After the final break up he would reach out for holidays and even wished me happy birthday at midnight, just like nothing ever happaned, which was so strange to me, eventually he reached out and we saw each other, a few days go by and it was like we were back, but I was feeling so anxious one day and he wasn't validating me so I just decided to cut him off and remove him from social media, at this point I was exhausted and afraid we were getting back in the situation we were in before breaking up, I was fed up so that's why I just removed him. Until days later his best friend calls me with an excuse and tell me to reach out to my ex when I get an information (it was clearly an excuse for me to reach out to my ex), the best friend even joked saying that my ex will propose to me and similiar, but I did not contact him. After that I took two weeks thinking about the past and decided to reconcile in March because I really missed him (two weeks later after his best friend called me), so I reach out to him - he was responsive and affectionate but since he wouldn’t initate contact first I just stopped reaching out - at this point I thought something was bothering him but he never clearly expressed if he was concerned, annoyed at something, he just avoids conflicts at all costs so I will never know. I thought we were done, maybe he didn't want it anymore and that’s it. 10 days later he started breadcrumbing (liking my stories, watching them immediately after seconds - I think he has notification on to see when I post), then he started with posting sad songs (he is not even the type to do that) but I never reacted, then he added me on his close friend list until he reached out drunk one night, at 3 am, and when I asnwered the next morning he just said he was really drunk and he is sorry I was asleep, so I ignored that but a few days later I gave in and reached out, and he said to me that I’ve completely forgot him (make it makes sense, since I was the one reaching out SEVERAL times in March but he was not initiating) and how it’s impossible for him to forget me, was very very affectionate so I reached out again days later and he was still affectionate, I mentioned we should reconcile (in a light playful way, to not overwhelm him), and he said yes, he was positive about it, just to then stop responding, I mean my text was the last and that’s it, I didn’t reach out anymore. And now what? I am not reaching out again, that’s for sure, but what is going on here? Is he just afraid to let me in? Or he just doesn't love me? Why didn’t he just let me go? Last time we spoke was 7 days ago, after that I added sad song about how I was hurt (I never gave him that validation of him hurting me or posting sad songs), the next morning he added a close friend story (that's when you pick which person can see your story, so it was clearly for me) - just a random picture, and after that, I posted a picture of me from a wedding I attended that day and he liked it. It seems like everytime he gets that fear of losing me he pulls me back in, but once we get closer he freaks out?
We got into this toxic push/pull dynamic and we are currently in a limbo. I don’t want to stay in this limbo, you’re either in or out.
I would like to hear your opinion and if anyone have gone through this I would appreciate to hear your story, at this point even a simple word of encouragement would make me feel better, thank you.
After the final break up he would reach out for holidays and even wished me happy birthday at midnight, just like nothing ever happaned, which was so strange to me, eventually he reached out and we saw each other, a few days go by and it was like we were back, but I was feeling so anxious one day and he wasn't validating me so I just decided to cut him off and remove him from social media, at this point I was exhausted and afraid we were getting back in the situation we were in before breaking up, I was fed up so that's why I just removed him. Until days later his best friend calls me with an excuse and tell me to reach out to my ex when I get an information (it was clearly an excuse for me to reach out to my ex), the best friend even joked saying that my ex will propose to me and similiar, but I did not contact him. After that I took two weeks thinking about the past and decided to reconcile in March because I really missed him (two weeks later after his best friend called me), so I reach out to him - he was responsive and affectionate but since he wouldn’t initate contact first I just stopped reaching out - at this point I thought something was bothering him but he never clearly expressed if he was concerned, annoyed at something, he just avoids conflicts at all costs so I will never know. I thought we were done, maybe he didn't want it anymore and that’s it. 10 days later he started breadcrumbing (liking my stories, watching them immediately after seconds - I think he has notification on to see when I post), then he started with posting sad songs (he is not even the type to do that) but I never reacted, then he added me on his close friend list until he reached out drunk one night, at 3 am, and when I asnwered the next morning he just said he was really drunk and he is sorry I was asleep, so I ignored that but a few days later I gave in and reached out, and he said to me that I’ve completely forgot him (make it makes sense, since I was the one reaching out SEVERAL times in March but he was not initiating) and how it’s impossible for him to forget me, was very very affectionate so I reached out again days later and he was still affectionate, I mentioned we should reconcile (in a light playful way, to not overwhelm him), and he said yes, he was positive about it, just to then stop responding, I mean my text was the last and that’s it, I didn’t reach out anymore. And now what? I am not reaching out again, that’s for sure, but what is going on here? Is he just afraid to let me in? Or he just doesn't love me? Why didn’t he just let me go? Last time we spoke was 7 days ago, after that I added sad song about how I was hurt (I never gave him that validation of him hurting me or posting sad songs), the next morning he added a close friend story (that's when you pick which person can see your story, so it was clearly for me) - just a random picture, and after that, I posted a picture of me from a wedding I attended that day and he liked it. It seems like everytime he gets that fear of losing me he pulls me back in, but once we get closer he freaks out?
We got into this toxic push/pull dynamic and we are currently in a limbo. I don’t want to stay in this limbo, you’re either in or out.
I would like to hear your opinion and if anyone have gone through this I would appreciate to hear your story, at this point even a simple word of encouragement would make me feel better, thank you.
