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Post by beckyaa12345 on Jun 12, 2024 18:38:47 GMT
Hi,
living with my ex boyfriend who is a fearful avoidant he deactivated last Monday and stayed at his moms house. and said even though he loves me and is in love with me and wants to be with me he cant see a future and wants to work on himself and is now asking me and my kid to move out in the near future. which we can't due to income reasons. The economy is nuts. even though i make good money. I am heartbroken i am so in love with him. I have never been heartbroken before. all of my relationships took their course and this one was like a rug ripped out from underneath me
we took the weekend for space. and he's supposed to come home tonight or tomorrow. He found out I am just going to move on and start dating. I have been keeping myself busy with social outings and hanging with friends. they are my support right now.
After a week away from each other - we spoke Tuesday. it was a great conversation. it was light but heart felt. checked on each other and he said he misses me and this is hurting him but he's been thinking about everything and really processing what's wrong with him. He asked if my schedule is open for a dinner Thursday and i told him i would check. I eventually got back to him to say yes. and i asked what his intentions of this not a date was and he said "well talking earlier today i thought it would just be a good conversations because us talking in the house when i come home and we can catch up some where's else."
im so confused, heartbroken, lost, scared and mentally ... i am just ugh...
Edit: he was picking out engagement rings with my sister in Nov.
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Post by emreyn on Jun 12, 2024 18:46:48 GMT
I don’t have much advice but I’m in the same situation, but I’ve been in the situation for a few years. He was very much all in and then all out frequently, it was always pretty abrupt and caught me off guard no matter how often it happened and that was because it often happened when nothing was going wrong.
I got all the reasons of “I love you but…”
Fast forward to break up 15 or so and now it’s “i dont love you and I’ve realised every aspect of my life will be better without you”
If I were you, I’d take time to really think about the affect this may have on your mental health and that of your child if this continues to become a pattern…
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Post by beckyaa12345 on Jun 12, 2024 18:58:59 GMT
WOW thank you. Your guy sounds like my ex husband he also had NPD. The current boyfriend is actually amazing until recently. we never argue, it was a good healthy love. than he deactivated after we moved in which i see is a trigger for some FA's. He has never once screamed, yelled, rasied his voice and still through this process hasnt and he has never called me outside of my name. none of this makes sense. I am destroyed.
I hate you have to hear that from your partner who loves you. You should not tolerate that. I am so sorry they speak to you that way
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Post by tnr9 on Jun 13, 2024 1:37:09 GMT
Hi, living with my ex boyfriend who is a fearful avoidant he deactivated last Monday and stayed at his moms house. and said even though he loves me and is in love with me and wants to be with me he cant see a future and wants to work on himself and is now asking me and my kid to move out in the near future. which we can't due to income reasons. The economy is nuts. even though i make good money. I am heartbroken i am so in love with him. I have never been heartbroken before. all of my relationships took their course and this one was like a rug ripped out from underneath me we took the weekend for space. and he's supposed to come home tonight or tomorrow. He found out I am just going to move on and start dating. I have been keeping myself busy with social outings and hanging with friends. they are my support right now. After a week away from each other - we spoke Tuesday. it was a great conversation. it was light but heart felt. checked on each other and he said he misses me and this is hurting him but he's been thinking about everything and really processing what's wrong with him. He asked if my schedule is open for a dinner Thursday and i told him i would check. I eventually got back to him to say yes. and i asked what his intentions of this not a date was and he said "well talking earlier today i thought it would just be a good conversations because us talking in the house when i come home and we can catch up some where's else." im so confused, heartbroken, lost, scared and mentally ... i am just ugh... Edit: he was picking out engagement rings with my sister in Nov. Well…at least he has been honest about the fact that he has doubts…..better to find out now versus getting married and having those doubts continue into a marriage. Also, if he truly does have attachment wounding….he will need to heal from that with individual therapy. |
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Post by beckyaa12345 on Jun 13, 2024 12:42:11 GMT
He said he has doubts because of himself. he has never been in a relationship this long. only 7 months tops. we are almost at year two and now all of his attachment disorders are showing up. He is luckily starting therapy after seeing how much he hurt me he said he HAS to work on himself so he doesn't do this again to anybody else. I just dont know if i should go to dinner with him or not tonight.
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Post by lovebunny on Jun 13, 2024 13:23:37 GMT
What do you feel in your body when you think about going to dinner with him tonight?
How do you think it will play out? Is he going to announce that his vague "doubts" are cleared up & he's ready to proceed? Or will there more confusion & him trying to get you to solve his problem or make the decision for him?
Might feel powerful to say "You asked me to take my kid and leave. Therefor, I'm no longer available to you unless you decide you're going to the work to get me back."
Or do you feel like you need "closure?" Do you want to hear what he has to say any further?
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Post by beckyaa12345 on Jun 13, 2024 17:22:53 GMT
What do you feel in your body when you think about going to dinner with him tonight? How do you think it will play out? Is he going to announce that his vague "doubts" are cleared up & he's ready to proceed? Or will there more confusion & him trying to get you to solve his problem or make the decision for him? Might feel powerful to say "You asked me to take my kid and leave. Therefor, I'm no longer available to you unless you decide you're going to the work to get me back." Or do you feel like you need "closure?" Do you want to hear what he has to say any further? WOW!! great questions. I didn't think of that. I will def ask him these questions when it comes up. I am not sure what else there is to say as he already said everything. I know he misses me he told me and he loves me. I firmly understand attachment styles that is why i am allowing all this to happen. But it sucks its at the cost of my sanity a little. as for healing from childhood trauma.. i understand how up and down it can be but if he cant communicate it wont work. |
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Post by lovebunny on Jun 13, 2024 22:35:28 GMT
They're meant to be questions for YOU, not things you ask him.
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