Post by lamaison on Jun 24, 2024 15:27:31 GMT
I was seeing this girl for 2 months now, and while that wasn’t long, it was intense and serious. Going out at least 3 times a week, met each other’s friends, a lot of phone calls and vulnerable conversations. She recently decided that she’s going to her hometown for the summer, which prompted a very long and messy breakup.
We both agreed that we can’t handle 2-3 months long-distance. She first suggested being friends because we have a special connection that we shouldn’t let go of. I personally see how I can think of her platonically so I suggested casually dating, but she found it offensive. A day later I text her saying that we can stay in contact, but it’ll remain unlabeled in my head rather than platonic. She said that it’d be great to still have me in her life, but that she feels like I only want her in my life conditionally. Later on, she agreed to ‘take things as we go along’.
We met up a few days ago, and she was being very affectionate and wanted to discuss what we’re gonna do while she’s away (Seeing other people, how often we communicate, etc). Then, suddenly, an hour later, said that she felt like we were going back and forth in circles. She said that she doesn’t feel like she has the commitment for this and that there’s already distance and passive aggressiveness while she’s here so she feels like it’ll be worse when she’s away. When I tried talking it out, she hit me with the ‘I lost romantic attraction, it’s like an on-and-off switch’
I got triggered and stonewalled a bit and she said that I’m being very apathetic and that she doesn’t believe that I care about her and like her if I only want her in my life based on romantic feelings. I ended up leaving, but texted her yesterday to suggest meeting up. She was a bit cold, saying that I made my stance very clear last time and that she thought she’s never going to hear from me again. I sent her a song to try and lighten things up, she ignored it but agreed to meeting up.
A few reasons why I think she might be deactivating:
- She was affectionate and considering staying together right before she broke up with me.
- Said that she missed me for the past few days, but that her feelings kept turning on and off.
- Said that she’s been a slow replier to me because it helps her cope with the breakup.
- Insecurity around the fact that I don’t want to be friends with her, she took it to mean that I only like her romantically rather than as a person (whatever that means)
- Mentioned multiple times how she goes through an idealization/devaluation cycle, and how she’s all-or-nothing
Does this sound like FA deactivation or a true loss of feelings? If she truly deactivated, is there a way I can have ndle this when we meet next time?
We both agreed that we can’t handle 2-3 months long-distance. She first suggested being friends because we have a special connection that we shouldn’t let go of. I personally see how I can think of her platonically so I suggested casually dating, but she found it offensive. A day later I text her saying that we can stay in contact, but it’ll remain unlabeled in my head rather than platonic. She said that it’d be great to still have me in her life, but that she feels like I only want her in my life conditionally. Later on, she agreed to ‘take things as we go along’.
We met up a few days ago, and she was being very affectionate and wanted to discuss what we’re gonna do while she’s away (Seeing other people, how often we communicate, etc). Then, suddenly, an hour later, said that she felt like we were going back and forth in circles. She said that she doesn’t feel like she has the commitment for this and that there’s already distance and passive aggressiveness while she’s here so she feels like it’ll be worse when she’s away. When I tried talking it out, she hit me with the ‘I lost romantic attraction, it’s like an on-and-off switch’
I got triggered and stonewalled a bit and she said that I’m being very apathetic and that she doesn’t believe that I care about her and like her if I only want her in my life based on romantic feelings. I ended up leaving, but texted her yesterday to suggest meeting up. She was a bit cold, saying that I made my stance very clear last time and that she thought she’s never going to hear from me again. I sent her a song to try and lighten things up, she ignored it but agreed to meeting up.
A few reasons why I think she might be deactivating:
- She was affectionate and considering staying together right before she broke up with me.
- Said that she missed me for the past few days, but that her feelings kept turning on and off.
- Said that she’s been a slow replier to me because it helps her cope with the breakup.
- Insecurity around the fact that I don’t want to be friends with her, she took it to mean that I only like her romantically rather than as a person (whatever that means)
- Mentioned multiple times how she goes through an idealization/devaluation cycle, and how she’s all-or-nothing
Does this sound like FA deactivation or a true loss of feelings? If she truly deactivated, is there a way I can have ndle this when we meet next time?
