Post by kaleidorain on Jun 27, 2024 14:28:30 GMT
Ok, I don't know how to explain it but:
A friend of mine from my country (where I do not live) suddenly called me to tell me she left her 10-years boyfriend, with whom she has lived for the last 8 years, as she got in love a few months ago with another person, and she is already with the new one and they are going on a super trip to another continent together in a few weeks.
So...this is not something shocking for the majority of people, this happens all the time, right? But this is not that kind of friend who does it all the time and from whom you would expect it (and I am super happy for her and that she felt free in her decision). They were a good couple (not just apparently, I knew them very well) , she is a SUPER secure person with no traumas and a super unite family and in-love parents and one of the most stable person I know all over the world.
It is just that something happened inside me. As you know i struggle with a FA/DA person I am in a situationship with since two years and I was like: he is right. Love is super risky and painful (and I know for being with him btw), and something like this could happen even if you are in the most stable and loving and secure relationship. And I justified his fears, his attitude, his limits with me, to the point that I felt I also was feeling those too, and not as a way to "pretend being avoidant"...I am REALLY feeling, at least in these hours, the avoidant part of me and the preference of being alone to avoid such things happen to me.
Be aware: I am a trauma survivor of the tragic, violent and unresolved death of my 10-years partner and best friend which I loved to the core, and who confessed cheating on me for the last 4 years of our relationship two days before dying while telling me he loved me tremendously and wanted a child with me. So I could be the most fearful person in this world, I could fear each of my partner will cheat and .... die young anytime soon. But I almost never felt this. And now, with such a stupid and common story, I really feel semi-avoidant.
Life is crazy.
A friend of mine from my country (where I do not live) suddenly called me to tell me she left her 10-years boyfriend, with whom she has lived for the last 8 years, as she got in love a few months ago with another person, and she is already with the new one and they are going on a super trip to another continent together in a few weeks.
So...this is not something shocking for the majority of people, this happens all the time, right? But this is not that kind of friend who does it all the time and from whom you would expect it (and I am super happy for her and that she felt free in her decision). They were a good couple (not just apparently, I knew them very well) , she is a SUPER secure person with no traumas and a super unite family and in-love parents and one of the most stable person I know all over the world.
It is just that something happened inside me. As you know i struggle with a FA/DA person I am in a situationship with since two years and I was like: he is right. Love is super risky and painful (and I know for being with him btw), and something like this could happen even if you are in the most stable and loving and secure relationship. And I justified his fears, his attitude, his limits with me, to the point that I felt I also was feeling those too, and not as a way to "pretend being avoidant"...I am REALLY feeling, at least in these hours, the avoidant part of me and the preference of being alone to avoid such things happen to me.
Be aware: I am a trauma survivor of the tragic, violent and unresolved death of my 10-years partner and best friend which I loved to the core, and who confessed cheating on me for the last 4 years of our relationship two days before dying while telling me he loved me tremendously and wanted a child with me. So I could be the most fearful person in this world, I could fear each of my partner will cheat and .... die young anytime soon. But I almost never felt this. And now, with such a stupid and common story, I really feel semi-avoidant.
Life is crazy.
