Still reeling but my Secure attachment is holding the fort?

Hi there, Would love some sage advice..
This Brit applauds and thanks you for this forum. I’m in early fifties as is my partner who is FA. I’m hard won secure after leaving a coercive violent marriage twenty years ago, built a good career, have adult son and have been lucky to have been offered and engaged in therapy with clinical psychologists for years. I’ve explored childhood trauma which led me to the early coercive marriage and enjoyed long term relationship with another secure for 8 years. We parted lovingly because I did not feel I could give him a child.My masters is in Psychology so I did study Bowlby back in the day( facepalm!) have always worked in person centred occupations. Have supportive friends and family members.
Yet I was blindsided two weeks ago, after a year? Stonewalled after a sortable argument..reached out then was ignored.
I felt humiliated, wrong footed, in shock for first few days,used, compassionate towards him, helpless, still engaged in the relationship, angry, sad.. some flashbacks.. immobile.
Today, I might be turning a corner. Just need to disentangle my thoughts, check in with my body’s responses and begin the decision process about the relationship .. for me?
Background, I’ll summarise.. met online, I wasn’t enjoying online dating but he appeared and we connected. Fairly instantly, it felt secure, adult and non threatening. Strong physical attraction but we didn’t jump in, I’d been celibate for years? He seemed to need more contact than me, he works away at times and would text ten/twenty times a day, long phonecalls for hours, when he was back we saw each other 3/4 times a week.. we made plans and I was never bored in his company. We shared how natural it was, how easy.. my feelings grew and we told each other we loved one another. I shared I was a survivor of marital abuse, he shared he’d had a loveless, non sexual marriage which ended when she put him out pre pandemic, then quick divorce? They stayed for kids.. Looking back now, we didn’t share enough.. no deep dives on why his marriage failed. He didn’t go there, was future focused with me..ahem?
Last month or so of relationship, I felt a ‘superficiality’, our convos weren’t deep, he was using sex to bond, lovely but what were the relationship goals. Did we share how we saw the future. I made an attempt( careful choice of words).. to engage with him, I hadn’t met his family( brief intro to oldest son).. he’d respond by showing me he had made plans for next week, we booked holiday together.. yet I was asking myself.. ‘am I an adjunct’. There were two shutdowns, one where I felt a bit undervalued/ that he wasn’t being honest with me.. he triggered to the point of pushing me away.. wouldn’t discuss. I persevered, spoke gently to him, backed off. He apologised in email, gave me flowers. Then three days later, after making love, telling me he loved me and a lovely morning in a city garden.. we had words in a cafe( initially a tiff) he deactivated severely, began berating my son and his achievements, very jealous, began relating a list of my faults( clearly he’d kept a score), he got angry, gaslit and when finally I triggered to quiet anger and responding -he walked away. He left me, without a phone charge in a town 25 miles from where I live. Flee response… yep.
No real resolve afterwards. He texted me’You are a lovely and beautiful person, I can’t do this. When I asked , let’s have space then talk he said ‘No.. I can’t be in a relationship I just hurt people’ etc. He said I thought of him as a ‘terrible person’( projection?) Then he stonewalled.
I reached out day 5, acknowledging we processed anger differently, told him I loved him and reiterated his great qualities which I valued. I clarified my feelings. No response.
So two weeks in, after initial having to stay in bed for two days.. I’m thinking is it worth it? During these types of shutdowns with a FA, everyone, unless they’re a psychopath gets a bit AP, I trusted the work I’ve done on myself though and my re- balancing is happening. He showed unconditional love to me.. in the moment. It’s not his fault he was seduced by Limerence and oxytocin.
He would absolutely respond to doing work on himself though.. that’s the rub? Is it worth a try…Mother who had four boys, a bit neglectful, unfaithful dad,his emotional needs suppressed, wife who put her kids first, two boys again.. then me, idealised but with a son I adore and am proud of.. incidentally my son has just last month beaten cancer after a years treatment?
I think when my partner gets close, he wrongly feels someone else is a priority. He feels core abandonment wound.
Yet, as a secure.. who wobbled…Can I pursue this further or let it die on what seemed a very healthy vine. I’m in a quandary today.. any advice would be greatly appreciated?