Post by emreyn on Sept 2, 2024 22:10:45 GMT
Hi all
I don’t know if you remember me but I had I reached out last summer and at the beginning of this one. I am happy to say I stuck to no contact with my ex since May. I reached my limit and I finally accepted it will never work and we both have different relationship needs.
However, if you remember I had a pretty awful time with the treatment that I received during the relationship and have been receiving counselling since we finally ended, and during the therapy I have started to see that I was pretty badly manipulated whether intentionally or not and I’ve accepted I’ll never really know. But I need some advice on a recent incident.
My ex and I owned a house together, I agreed to stay on and we will look to sell next year when our son is at school and I can work full time. My ex and I arranged for him to have the house for 48 hours over a weekend to move all of his belongings, which were mainly in the attic at this point (at his request).
I sent him what I thought was a nice email saying don’t worry if you can’t get everything out this weekend ( he was a hoarder with a lot of hobbies and collections), and that I would make time to be away so he could also come the next weekend if needed.
The only thing I did was lock my bedroom door. It’s a Victorian door and the key is this huge metal thing, and the only reason I have the lock is because it came with the house, nevertheless as i was away from the house on the weekend, i locked it and took the key with me.
My eldest son who is 18 popped by once during the weekend to collect some swimming shorts from his room, at this point my ex asked my son where my bedroom key was, my son said “mum took it with her, she didn’t know who was coming to help so wanted to ensure her privacy”.
I had some solicitors paperwork and some printed papers from child maintenance etc and I just put everything private to me in my room. He had a couple of dvds and an old PlayStation in a cupboard in my room that I totally forgot about. Plus a speaker that was mounted on the wall connected to our tv. It was a small speaker nothing over the top, but I admit I overlooked this as “his”. We were together 4 years and yes he bought it but it was for the house.
Anyway I set back off holiday, at no point has my ex emailed me, text or called me to ask if he can enter my room. The door is still locked when I get home. So I go in and instantly notice the speaker is gone off the wall. I was so upset that he’d gone into my room without letting me know first or asking if there was a reason it was locked. I was contactable and I couldn’t understand how he had relocked the door.
I emailed him and explained I was shocked and that if he had explained why he wanted to come into the room i would have asked a family member to come over or would have taken the speaker round the evening I got back off my weekend away. I explained I felt like it was a fuck you Emma I’ll do what I want.
Even though it is his house, and I can’t stop him having keys to the front and back doors. I asked him if I could have the key to my bedroom as he must have a spare that I didn’t know existed. His response was to ignore my email. So I asked in person and he bluntly said “no” it’s my house too, my keys.
Fast forward to today and I’m at work (if you remember we work together). My friend asks to speak to me, he tells me that my ex called him into his office on my day off and told him he had bought me a ring doorbell as he knew I didn’t feel safe, but didn’t want me to know he got it for me. He wanted my friend to say it was from him. Apparently because he didn’t think I’d accept it from him.
Is this totally bonkers or is it me?
Why not just email me to reassure me that he wouldn’t come into the property without telling me, or failing that why not just give me my bedroom key back? He literally didn’t acknowledge any of that in our face to face discussion and was cold with me.
It felt like (because people at work don’t seem to like him as I’m not the first girl he’s done this to at work) he was trying to look like a lovely guy. I don’t trust my judgement at all but this seems weird to me.
Thoughts???
I don’t know if you remember me but I had I reached out last summer and at the beginning of this one. I am happy to say I stuck to no contact with my ex since May. I reached my limit and I finally accepted it will never work and we both have different relationship needs.
However, if you remember I had a pretty awful time with the treatment that I received during the relationship and have been receiving counselling since we finally ended, and during the therapy I have started to see that I was pretty badly manipulated whether intentionally or not and I’ve accepted I’ll never really know. But I need some advice on a recent incident.
My ex and I owned a house together, I agreed to stay on and we will look to sell next year when our son is at school and I can work full time. My ex and I arranged for him to have the house for 48 hours over a weekend to move all of his belongings, which were mainly in the attic at this point (at his request).
I sent him what I thought was a nice email saying don’t worry if you can’t get everything out this weekend ( he was a hoarder with a lot of hobbies and collections), and that I would make time to be away so he could also come the next weekend if needed.
The only thing I did was lock my bedroom door. It’s a Victorian door and the key is this huge metal thing, and the only reason I have the lock is because it came with the house, nevertheless as i was away from the house on the weekend, i locked it and took the key with me.
My eldest son who is 18 popped by once during the weekend to collect some swimming shorts from his room, at this point my ex asked my son where my bedroom key was, my son said “mum took it with her, she didn’t know who was coming to help so wanted to ensure her privacy”.
I had some solicitors paperwork and some printed papers from child maintenance etc and I just put everything private to me in my room. He had a couple of dvds and an old PlayStation in a cupboard in my room that I totally forgot about. Plus a speaker that was mounted on the wall connected to our tv. It was a small speaker nothing over the top, but I admit I overlooked this as “his”. We were together 4 years and yes he bought it but it was for the house.
Anyway I set back off holiday, at no point has my ex emailed me, text or called me to ask if he can enter my room. The door is still locked when I get home. So I go in and instantly notice the speaker is gone off the wall. I was so upset that he’d gone into my room without letting me know first or asking if there was a reason it was locked. I was contactable and I couldn’t understand how he had relocked the door.
I emailed him and explained I was shocked and that if he had explained why he wanted to come into the room i would have asked a family member to come over or would have taken the speaker round the evening I got back off my weekend away. I explained I felt like it was a fuck you Emma I’ll do what I want.
Even though it is his house, and I can’t stop him having keys to the front and back doors. I asked him if I could have the key to my bedroom as he must have a spare that I didn’t know existed. His response was to ignore my email. So I asked in person and he bluntly said “no” it’s my house too, my keys.
Fast forward to today and I’m at work (if you remember we work together). My friend asks to speak to me, he tells me that my ex called him into his office on my day off and told him he had bought me a ring doorbell as he knew I didn’t feel safe, but didn’t want me to know he got it for me. He wanted my friend to say it was from him. Apparently because he didn’t think I’d accept it from him.
Is this totally bonkers or is it me?
Why not just email me to reassure me that he wouldn’t come into the property without telling me, or failing that why not just give me my bedroom key back? He literally didn’t acknowledge any of that in our face to face discussion and was cold with me.
It felt like (because people at work don’t seem to like him as I’m not the first girl he’s done this to at work) he was trying to look like a lovely guy. I don’t trust my judgement at all but this seems weird to me.
Thoughts???
