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Post by bumblev92 on Sept 12, 2024 20:26:38 GMT
I (F31) started dating this guy (M35) from Tinder less than a month ago. The first week we matched we were talking and FaceTiming almost every day because he was away on business in another state. We met the first night he got back and we spent the next day together and it was lovely. We had lunch, cuddled all day and spent nice quality time together. That same day he asked me if I was seeing anyone else, I said no but he confirmed he was and with the caveat he said he wanted to break things off with her. We've been on a few stay at home dates which as a home body was perfect for me. Togetherness is a theme that we agreed is important to us. The next week I met up with him during his lunch break. I was anxious about if he was stilling seeing her and was going to ask him but he beat me to it and he confirmed he stopped seeing the other woman, just for context he said they were seeing each other for about 3 months. I'm gushing over him prioritizing me. We meet up again a few days later, another stay at home date, spent 2 days together. He said over these 2 days "you make me so happy" and that was going to miss me while away something I was getting up the courage to say the entire day but he beat me to the punch AGAIN. He was gone for a week and while he was away he called me a lot. He told his mom about me which was very sweet. He says stuff like "please don't turn out to be a closeted nut job because I'm smitten with you". We went 2 weeks without seeing each other between his trip and us being busy with working I was so anxious to see him for some reason. But we went out to see some live music and all my worries were but to rest. We tell each other we missed each other a lot and he said "I'm so happy I found you" AFTER we were intimate, lots of kisses and cuddles etc etc etc. He also brought up the "if we move in with each other" convo. I want to see him more frequently but don't know how to tell him.
Now I'm totally smitten.... the idea of this going south already brings me to tears. I'm the anxious attachment type and it's like I can't accept that this is actually going well. I'm starting to develop some really strong feelings for him. I want to have the "conversation" that I've never had with a man before. The "are we boyfriend/girlfriend" convo. I want to say my feelings but the last time I did that with a man I was rejected big time.
WHY I'M SO ANXIOUS: He told me early on that his last relationship ended because she cheated. He was in the process of making her engagement ring when he found this out. He brings her up at least 3 times since we started dating. He also admitted he's a relationship person through and through and has always been with someone. I'm scared I'm not special and he just wants to be with someone... I think I'm just really into him and self sabotaging... am I being love bombed?
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Post by tnr9 on Sept 12, 2024 22:45:47 GMT
I (F31) started dating this guy (M35) from Tinder less than a month ago. The first week we matched we were talking and FaceTiming almost every day because he was away on business in another state. We met the first night he got back and we spent the next day together and it was lovely. We had lunch, cuddled all day and spent nice quality time together. That same day he asked me if I was seeing anyone else, I said no but he confirmed he was and with the caveat he said he wanted to break things off with her. We've been on a few stay at home dates which as a home body was perfect for me. Togetherness is a theme that we agreed is important to us. The next week I met up with him during his lunch break. I was anxious about if he was stilling seeing her and was going to ask him but he beat me to it and he confirmed he stopped seeing the other woman, just for context he said they were seeing each other for about 3 months. I'm gushing over him prioritizing me. We meet up again a few days later, another stay at home date, spent 2 days together. He said over these 2 days "you make me so happy" and that was going to miss me while away something I was getting up the courage to say the entire day but he beat me to the punch AGAIN. He was gone for a week and while he was away he called me a lot. He told his mom about me which was very sweet. He says stuff like "please don't turn out to be a closeted nut job because I'm smitten with you". We went 2 weeks without seeing each other between his trip and us being busy with working I was so anxious to see him for some reason. But we went out to see some live music and all my worries were but to rest. We tell each other we missed each other a lot and he said "I'm so happy I found you" AFTER we were intimate, lots of kisses and cuddles etc etc etc. He also brought up the "if we move in with each other" convo. I want to see him more frequently but don't know how to tell him. Now I'm totally smitten.... the idea of this going south already brings me to tears. I'm the anxious attachment type and it's like I can't accept that this is actually going well. I'm starting to develop some really strong feelings for him. I want to have the "conversation" that I've never had with a man before. The "are we boyfriend/girlfriend" convo. I want to say my feelings but the last time I did that with a man I was rejected big time. WHY I'M SO ANXIOUS: He told me early on that his last relationship ended because she cheated. He was in the process of making her engagement ring when he found this out. He brings her up at least 3 times since we started dating. He also admitted he's a relationship person through and through and has always been with someone. I'm scared I'm not special and he just wants to be with someone... I think I'm just really into him and self sabotaging... am I being love bombed? I would not say that you are being love bombed…but…..I would recommend taking things slowly and checking in with yourself often. The first 3-6 months of any relationship is the time when you are just getting to know each other….and if he is away for a week or 2 and then you get together….that extends the getting to know each other period further. Some potential red flags to be mindful of…1. He is future planning in words only, this can point to someone who gets caught up in the potential of a relationship (the earliest phase) 2. He has always been in a relationship…but he is not married. It may be that he is a serial dater and is wrapped up in the excitement of dating. 3. He broke up with someone when he met you…..has he done that before with any of his other girlfriends? |
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Post by kirrok on Sept 12, 2024 23:34:13 GMT
As tnr9 replied, what you've described doesn't sound like manipulative love bombing, but the pace at which things are moving – and the proclamations this person is making – for someone you've known less than a month is something to be cautious about. You know next to nothing about each other, and there's actually no way to learn what you'd ideally learn about each other within that timeframe. The "future tripping" / "what if"-ing this person is doing would give me pause because I would wonder if they are really seeing me for me. How do you address conflict and repair together? How does this person manage difficult feelings and challenging situations with you? What do they do when they disagree with you, or when your needs conflict with each other? Do you both set and maintain healthy boundaries with each other despite how much you enjoy spending time together? What is this person's history with dating and relationships? All of these things take time to experience and learn… so, take the time. That doesn't mean you can't be excited about him – and he about you – but there's value in actually taking the time to observe yourself and the other person with a bit more deliberate attention – and precisely because of the intoxicating feelings you both feel. |
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Post by alexandra on Sept 12, 2024 23:47:47 GMT
I'm not sure if he's love bombing you, but he's sure not emotionally stable. No one moves this fast if they are. I also am wary of how he speaks to you. Don't end up being a nutjob? This is just such a fearful and loaded statement. A man who says that to you when they barely know you is most likely trying to minimize you by planting the idea that if you start having wants or needs, then you're nagging and emotional and another one of those nutjob women. Which will make you scared to express yourself later. It's kind of like how "no drama good vibes only" is a red flag. You can say I'm making assumptions and reaching, but any guy I've dated who is trying to fast forward the relationship to the extent he is (why is he talking about moving in together already???) and said things like that, they were kind of telling on themselves right away. They also didn't respect women very much in general.
Did the other woman know he wasn't exclusive with her? I don't care if he was thinking of breaking up with her, if they didn't have an open relationship then he wasn't prioritizing you. He was being a cheating coward and will do it to others if he's already done it once, because he's not dealing with his issues. He's just running head first into new women and leaving collateral damage.
I think I'm just really into him and self sabotaging... am I being love bombed? Not to be a total debbie downer, but in this case, I am getting the sense that both may be true at the same time 😔 I also think you know in your gut that something may truly not be right with him or you wouldn't be asking the question. |
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