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Post by Deleted on Dec 27, 2017 18:36:17 GMT
I am curious how personality types and attachment styles relate. I am an INFJ with a SECURE attachment (but prone to Anxious-Avoidant if triggered) If you want, please participate in the poll and identify your Attachment Style and Personality type in your comment.If you have ever done the Meyer Briggs type personality test, what personality type are you? Please feel free to participate in this poll. If you aren't sure there are lots of free tests online here is one: www.personalityperfect.com/test/free-personality-test/ |
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Post by tnr9 on Dec 28, 2017 13:05:20 GMT
I have tested ENFJ for many years...but recently tested ENFP.
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Post by Jaeger on Dec 29, 2017 1:02:51 GMT
ENTP, though I toe the line between E/I
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2017 16:49:48 GMT
Jaeger, Awesome! Thanks for taking my poll Do you mind sharing your attachment style? I am Secure with a tendency toward Anxious when triggered.
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Post by Jaeger on Dec 29, 2017 17:18:27 GMT
I am securely attached
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2017 23:59:48 GMT
ENTP and I am DA
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2017 23:33:03 GMT
Thank you Mary. Also since I have been on the board your insights have been very helpful. Thank you for putting yourself out there like that. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 1, 2018 22:27:17 GMT
I'm INTP, and I'm a Secure, I believe, except when I am with an Avoidant partner which makes me anxious. I have no idea why I attract a lot of Avoidant partners...  I did have a horrible childhood with a terrible NPD stepmother. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 1, 2018 22:35:03 GMT
INFJ - and avoidant relationship attachment. Altruistic but calm and detached would be how I see myself - tend to do well in a crisis, worked for a charity for a while dealing with people in emotional despair - I think the avoidant part of me helped to maintain emotional distance.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 2, 2018 17:01:28 GMT
INFJ - and avoidant relationship attachment. Altruistic but calm and detached would be how I see myself - tend to do well in a crisis, worked for a charity for a while dealing with people in emotional despair - I think the avoidant part of me helped to maintain emotional distance. I too am INFJ but feel securly attached. If I find myself in a relationship with an anxious person I can deal with the situation and the person emphatically but I will put some distance between us emotionally but I don't feel the need to abandon them. If I am in a relationship with an avoidant person I tend to vacillate between fearful and anvoidant, perhaps trying to find my secure balance. I feel empathy for all attachment styles. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 2, 2018 17:04:00 GMT
I'm INTP, and I'm a Secure, I believe, except when I am with an Avoidant partner which makes me anxious. I have no idea why I attract a lot of Avoidant partners... I did have a horrible childhood with a terrible NPD stepmother. I experienced life with an NPD parent. QUITE amazing to come out of that with a secure attachment style. Was your father securely attached? Mine is and I know that had a big influence on my own attachment style. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 2, 2018 23:59:45 GMT
I experienced life with an NPD parent. QUITE amazing to come out of that with a secure attachment style. Was your father securely attached? Mine is and I know that had a big influence on my own attachment style. No, not at all. My father used to be a really kind-hearted Secure but he became a shell of a man with my NPD stepmother. We all walked on eggshells around her. I wanted to "rescue" my father but he couldn't leave her or my stepbrother. I could see how that set me up for marriage to my exNPD who had suffered himself from a dysfunctional, NPD mother. I tried to make a happy ending for both of us, naively. I didn't develop NPD myself as I guess I was already a small developed person when my stepmother entered my life and I didn't inherit her genes. My brother has problems too, stayed unmarried, and very introverted. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2018 0:12:14 GMT
I experienced life with an NPD parent. QUITE amazing to come out of that with a secure attachment style. Was your father securely attached? Mine is and I know that had a big influence on my own attachment style. No, not at all. My father used to be a really kind-hearted Secure but he became a shell of a man with my NPD stepmother. We all walked on eggshells around her. I wanted to "rescue" my father but he couldn't leave her or my stepbrother. I could see how that set me up for marriage to my exNPD who had suffered himself from a dysfunctional, NPD mother. I tried to make a happy ending for both of us, naively. I didn't develop NPD myself as I guess I was already a small developed person when my stepmother entered my life and I didn't inherit her genes. My brother has problems too, stayed unmarried, and very introverted. I felt the same way. I remember once telling my dad to go and we'd be alright. He laughed at me and told me real men don't abandon their families. He learned to pick his battles and there were MANY to be had with my mom. But for us kids he was FULLY himself. He worked hard but always had time for us. My mom couldn't understand why we were so close. I told her once, "Dad is fun!" She disagreed, " No he isn't." and I said, ( I was a smart pants) "Well, no, not when you're around. You hate when dad is having fun." I have sibling to that have a lot of troubles. Maybe I am more secure because I had more secure people as role models. Also, until I was 4 my older sister took care of me, so I never really emotionally attached to my mom, and I realized early on there was nothing I was going to do that was good enough. I appreciate the secure people in my life. I look for them in my world. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2018 1:00:59 GMT
I felt the same way. I remember once telling my dad to go and we'd be alright. He laughed at me and told me real men don't abandon their families. He learned to pick his battles and there were MANY to be had with my mom. But for us kids he was FULLY himself. He worked hard but always had time for us. My mom couldn't understand why we were so close. I told her once, "Dad is fun!" She disagreed, " No he isn't." and I said, ( I was a smart pants) "Well, no, not when you're around. You hate when dad is having fun." I have sibling to that have a lot of troubles. Maybe I am more secure because I had more secure people as role models. Also, until I was 4 my older sister took care of me, so I never really emotionally attached to my mom, and I realized early on there was nothing I was going to do that was good enough. I appreciate the secure people in my life. I look for them in my world. Oh you did great! You found your moorings despite living with an NPD mom, that's ideal. You get to understand what makes them tick and you learn how to avoid their mistakes. So I'm curious, how did you end up AP? |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2018 5:38:03 GMT
So I'm curious, how did you end up AP? I became more anxious during this last relationship. I've never experienced anything quite like it. Same story as everyone else, Things were going great, the the distancing began but there was never an answer as to why. He said I was perfect and until the bitter end said he wasn't angry with me and I didn't do anything wrong and he hoped I wouldn't take it personal. I felt the snap between secure and insecure after he told me he loved me. I wanted him to say it first. I think I was keeping my feelings in check until I heard him say he loved me. Once he did, I felt like I was safe to finally feel love for him, I loved him deeply. It is when he really stared to push me away less than two weeks after declaring his love for me that my secure boat was rocked. We were planning a life together, plus he has a disability that was going to play a major part in our relationship. My mind had begun to rewire to adjust to this new life. It was a lot for me to process, then all of the sudden he does a 180 and tells me it "just didn't work out" but can't tell me why. I didn't understand and I felt angry with myself for a long time that I didn't see it coming and I didn't do a better job or protecting my heart. I know about avoidants, but didn't know what avoidant attachment really was until recently. Knowing what his issues most likely are helps me not to be angry with myself. Him finally telling me that he cares for me and I matter to him but he's not in love with me has helped me to start putting things back together. I was insecure because I was being lied to. (there is more about the lies but I don't want to re-hash that) I was being lied to and I knew something felt off but I didn't know what and he couldn't tell me. For me I want to know the truth, no matter what that truth is good or bad. Then I can move forward. The wires in my head have started to re-connect in a secure and positive way. I feel more myself now. But I know that if something like this were to happen again in the future, I wouldn't allow myself to react to any anxious thought, I would choose to walk away and wish that individual the best. |
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