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Post by kristyrose on Dec 29, 2017 23:02:37 GMT
Hey everyone,
Feeling sad and frustrated, like I could just explode, so thought it would be more productive to reach out to the group.
My FA ex is back from LA this week, but he caught a very nasty cold so he's been laying low. I want to see him soon to discuss the state of things, but of course I want to make sure he feels better and is aware that I want to talk. I don't want to catch him off guard, he will feel cornered.
We have been texting a little back and forth about how he's feeling, he wanted me to send a video of my dog today but I've been busy helping a friend, but our communication has been pleasant. There really isn't anything in particular triggering me, I guess I'm just so tired today of always waiting on him. When I first asked for a talk, he refused, then when I saw him I was so grateful that I avoided a talk, so I'm just as much to blame.
I'm frustrated with him and myself! I'm feeling sad, I Miss him, haven't seen him in over a week, (long time for us to be apart) and I just want to talk to him about meeting me in the middle, and just stop all of this back and forth and push/pull and just be together. I know he loves me, I can see it and feel it when we are together. We cannot even go a week without seeing each other even after a fight, or when he claims he wants space! We keep coming back to each other and it kills me sometimes that we can't just sit down and try to see if we can work together.
I'm sorry for rambling guys, I just feel so frustrated and fed up today! I don't blame him, I don't blame me, but I am tired of this! Just want to feel happy again...
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Post by yasmin on Dec 29, 2017 23:28:24 GMT
Oh kristyrose, that's okay...it really is just so frustrating when you know it and feel it and yet the other person is making it more complicated than you feel it needs to be. It's a sad feeling because there's nothing you can do and you're missing something that you want. I can't help much, but I do know how you feel. It's really hard to love someone who's ambivalent
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Post by kristyrose on Dec 30, 2017 0:20:43 GMT
thank you Yasmin, I do appreciate the words of support.
we were just texting and he told me he is going out with friends tonight! so i guess he's not THAT sick :-(
then i asked if he wanted to maybe catch a movie tomorrow, he suggested a matinee, but I was thinking more in the evening so I can feel out a talk later, so I said that I was thinking more in the evening, and he said he has tentative plans with another friend, can he get back to me.
It hurts my heart that he wasn't even thinking of making plans with me! After our last amazing weekend together and his being gone, I thought for sure he would want to see me. I'm just sitting here crying because I see how little it actually meant to him. I'm such an idiot!
I don't even know what to say in response to him. Just want to tell him to forget it, but of course he will say something like "well we didn't have plans- which is true- and that i should not expect anything because we are not together.
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Post by yasmin on Dec 30, 2017 0:34:34 GMT
It's really tough. I don't know what to say other than that I completely understand how you're feeling and it completely sucks. What would he do if you said you didn't want to see him anymore? I am pretty close to doing this myself just because I am sick of it now!
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Post by tnr9 on Dec 30, 2017 0:45:27 GMT
thank you Yasmin, I do appreciate the words of support. we were just texting and he told me he is going out with friends tonight! so i guess he's not THAT sick :-( then i asked if he wanted to maybe catch a movie tomorrow, he suggested a matinee, but I was thinking more in the evening so I can feel out a talk later, so I said that I was thinking more in the evening, and he said he has tentative plans with another friend, can he get back to me. It hurts my heart that he wasn't even thinking of making plans with me! After our last amazing weekend together and his being gone, I thought for sure he would want to see me. I'm just sitting here crying because I see how little it actually meant to him. I'm such an idiot! I don't even know what to say in response to him. Just want to tell him to forget it, but of course he will say something like "well we didn't have plans- which is true- and that i should not expect anything because we are not together. Hey Kristyrose.....I so understand....and I am here for you. He did suggest a matinee for tomorrow..and if you meant so little...his whole weekend would have been booked. I completely get where you want to be prioritized in his schedule and you have every right to ask him why he had so many plans made with others when you see him. Do you have a friend who you can spend time with tonight? Maybe watch a movie? Something to get you out of your head? I am sending cyber hugs. |
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Post by kristyrose on Dec 30, 2017 20:14:14 GMT
Tnr9 and Yasmin,
Thank you both so much for the support. It helps so much to know that there are others out there who understand what I am going through. I cannot tell you how helpful your posts were. I read them while I was in a cab going to meet friends and all I could think of was, you're not alone.
I did get out in the evening, had dinner with friends and did Karaoke! I was able to put him out of my mind completely, but when I got home around 1am a text came in from him asking if I was home. I was just about to turn off my phone and go to sleep, so the timing was eerily impeccable.
I said I was home but going to bed, he asked if he could come over and I said yes_ of course. I felt mixed though, happy but kind of empty. We woke up and cuddled this morning and caught up on things, family, christmas day, etc. Then he suggested brunch, so, now is my chance to have a talk with him.
I don't want to give him an ultimatum, as Mary suggested wisely, that never works. At this point all I can ask is that he meet me halfway and we see how things go from here. I don't know if we will spend tonight together yet, his friend hasn't gotten back to him, but I think today/tonight is when the talk must happen.
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Post by kristyrose on Dec 31, 2017 18:47:54 GMT
Well we hung out until about 9pm- then he met up with this friends and I met up with mine. We didn't talk, we saw a movie then had dinner. The time we spent was so nice I was afraid of ruining it- as for today, I'm just laying low, not a big fan of NYE- but I asked him if we could meet up later and he kept it vague of course and said lets touch base today.
I don't know, today I woke up thinking that no matter what I say, he doesn't want to really be with me.
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