Dismissive-avoidant vs love avoidant | Jeb Kinnison Attachment Type Forum

Jaeger
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Posts: 309

Dismissive-avoidant vs love avoidant May 10, 2016 11:14:19 GMT via mobile

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Post by Jaeger on May 10, 2016 11:14:19 GMT

Hello Jeb,

After reading quite a bit about the subject at various places online, I was wondering if you would classify the (dismissive) avoidant as per Bowlby's attachment theory as being the same as the 'love avoidant' mentioned in articles about love addiction and love avoidance. A lot of the behaviours seem to be the same, as far as I could tell. I would link a specific webpage as an example of this, but I am not sure if that is allowed on your boards.

Last Edit: May 10, 2016 11:14:51 GMT by Jaeger

Jeb Kinnison
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Posts: 62

Dismissive-avoidant vs love avoidant May 10, 2016 20:20:40 GMT

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Post by Jeb Kinnison on May 10, 2016 20:20:40 GMT

"Love avoidant" is a term with not much academic backing, which is why I rarely use it. It's basically similar to "commitment-phobic," meaning someone who resists committing to an intimate partner relationship. This is a bit more superficial than "avoidant" as used in attachment theory, more a symptom-description. Clearly many dismissive-avoidants are love-avoidant as a primary mode, but not all; and similarly many anxious-preoccupied people are "love addicts," meaning they are obsessed by / compulsively seeking to be in a love relationship that matches their fantasies. But not all.

Feel free to link the webpage, every bit of informative input is welcome here. I plugged a book from 40 years ago, "Love and Addiction," in my books as relevant reading for the anxious-preoccupied.

Jaeger
Senior Member

Posts: 309

Dismissive-avoidant vs love avoidant May 10, 2016 20:46:35 GMT via mobile

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Post by Jaeger on May 10, 2016 20:46:35 GMT

The similarities I saw in it indeed related to the 'love avoidants' (avoidants in attachment theory) and 'love addicts' (the anxious-preoccupied).

The page I mentioned can be found at:

www.loveaddictionhelp.com/signs_your_partner_is_love_avoidant

I am curious as to your thoughts about it.

Last Edit: May 10, 2016 20:52:25 GMT by Jaeger

Jeb Kinnison
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Posts: 62

Dismissive-avoidant vs love avoidant May 10, 2016 21:00:20 GMT

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Post by Jeb Kinnison on May 10, 2016 21:00:20 GMT

There are a lot of writers in self-help and co-dependency communities who appear to read the academic attachment literature then file off the serial numbers and use some of the ideas as their own, which is what's going on with that page. It's helpful but stripped of the cites and links to sources. I wouldn't turn up my nose at it -- they are trying to help people even if they're a little crass in how they go about it.