naki
New Member
Posts: 4 
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Post by naki on Jan 1, 2018 18:49:51 GMT
What are some strategies I can use to communicate to my DA to make a "safe" place for him to talk and to set new boundaries for the both of us? Rather than him shutting down if he could communicate "Im feeling suffocated and need space" then I can respect this boundary.
He said he wants to talk but doesnt know how, or where to begin. He has pushed me away and is currently considering ending 6 years because I kept hounding him to break through his wall, without realizing the damage it was causing. I want to establish lines of communication so he can feel safe again, trusted, respected.
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Post by tnr9 on Jan 1, 2018 21:59:31 GMT
Hey Naki.....there are a few individuals who identify with a DA attachment style...hopefully one of them will provide some suggestions.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Jan 1, 2018 22:40:13 GMT
Hi Naki, i read your original post describing what led you to this point.
I can’t advise how to proceed, because i had to draw a deep breath reading that he has been pressured by not only you, but his family, and your family. That’s a lot.
I wonder if he has communicated to you before but you have chosen to ignore what he has communicated, because it wasn’t what you wanted to hear?
Are you able to accept what he has to communicate to you, regardless of what that is? And then make your own decisions about what is good for you?
The only way for him to feel safe would be to be accepted as he is, where he is. Perhaps a counselor with experience in attachment issues would be helpful.
A year and a half of very toxic communication takes time to resolve, if it can be resolved at all. Has he said why he feels abused? That might be a good place to start , hearing him out on that.
And the other members of the family should stay out of it, in my opinion. If i had to answer to an entire family for my intimate relationship I would be ending it too, to be completely honest.
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