Post by summer on Jan 2, 2018 15:35:44 GMT
In your relationship with a DA (past or present), I'm wondering what's the longest they were able to maintain good behavior and tolerate closeness? A week? A month? A year?
I've been in a "good period" with my DA boyfriend for about five weeks, and while he is still definitely showing his avoidant nature, it's at a very tolerable level. No deal breakers. I've been loving this, of course, because I love him, but I am waiting with this sinking feeling to get pushed away again.
He did this before back in October (pushed me away). This was triggered by me asking for more intimacy and commitment from him (I didn't realize at that time that he is a DA). For the next six weeks, I was treated to an onslaught of DA behaviors that were meant to emotionally distance from me. The worst of these was the way he would show up for our dates in "power save" mode - it's like he was there physically, but there was no one home. He was a polite, smiling, hollow shell of the man I fell in love with.
During this period, he started taking a long time to respond to texts, and when he did respond, his replies would be often cold and cryptic. He would show up late and cut our dates short, acting very aloof and uninterested in sharing his thoughts and feelings, or in hearing my thoughts and feelings. He almost never spent the night at my house. He would talk about future plans in the singular. He kept our communication between dates to the bare minimum, seeming content to go days without speaking. If we ever did talk on the phone, it was short and businesslike, and he would use a cold tone that infuriated me (meanwhile I would hear him on the phone with friends and family having lively, warm conversations).
Finally I couldn't take anymore, and I broke up with him. He was extremely surprised, which surprised me. I'd mistakenly concluded he was pulling a slow fade breakup on me. It was around this time that I had the lightbulb moment that he is DA. He asked me for another chance, and had his own explanation for why he'd been so cold and distant.
So I ended up giving him another chance. Now it's over a month later, and he's been much better. We've been in a good period, where his DA behaviors are still present, but are much more tolerable. He seems able to handle more closeness, and in general his demeanor when we are together is more open and warm and friendly. He jokes around with me a lot (during that awful 6 week distancing period, he would rarely laugh at my jokes, or goof off with me).
I'm wondering, what is the longest you've experienced a "good period" with your DA? Did they inevitably push you away again, and if so, was there a particular trigger for it? What did the "cold" period look like?
Many thanks.
I've been in a "good period" with my DA boyfriend for about five weeks, and while he is still definitely showing his avoidant nature, it's at a very tolerable level. No deal breakers. I've been loving this, of course, because I love him, but I am waiting with this sinking feeling to get pushed away again.
He did this before back in October (pushed me away). This was triggered by me asking for more intimacy and commitment from him (I didn't realize at that time that he is a DA). For the next six weeks, I was treated to an onslaught of DA behaviors that were meant to emotionally distance from me. The worst of these was the way he would show up for our dates in "power save" mode - it's like he was there physically, but there was no one home. He was a polite, smiling, hollow shell of the man I fell in love with.
During this period, he started taking a long time to respond to texts, and when he did respond, his replies would be often cold and cryptic. He would show up late and cut our dates short, acting very aloof and uninterested in sharing his thoughts and feelings, or in hearing my thoughts and feelings. He almost never spent the night at my house. He would talk about future plans in the singular. He kept our communication between dates to the bare minimum, seeming content to go days without speaking. If we ever did talk on the phone, it was short and businesslike, and he would use a cold tone that infuriated me (meanwhile I would hear him on the phone with friends and family having lively, warm conversations).
Finally I couldn't take anymore, and I broke up with him. He was extremely surprised, which surprised me. I'd mistakenly concluded he was pulling a slow fade breakup on me. It was around this time that I had the lightbulb moment that he is DA. He asked me for another chance, and had his own explanation for why he'd been so cold and distant.
So I ended up giving him another chance. Now it's over a month later, and he's been much better. We've been in a good period, where his DA behaviors are still present, but are much more tolerable. He seems able to handle more closeness, and in general his demeanor when we are together is more open and warm and friendly. He jokes around with me a lot (during that awful 6 week distancing period, he would rarely laugh at my jokes, or goof off with me).
I'm wondering, what is the longest you've experienced a "good period" with your DA? Did they inevitably push you away again, and if so, was there a particular trigger for it? What did the "cold" period look like?
Many thanks.