Can someone give a bit of advice?

I had a relationship with someone I now see fit the fearful avoidant tags almost perfectly. We had the inevitable "surprise" breakup in February. Less than a week earlier she had told me I was one of her favorite people in the world. Less than a month earlier she asked me if we could be exclusive. Then she started engaging in distancing behaviors (which are crystal clear in hindsight, but confusing as hell when they're happening). During this time, I was diagnosed with a life threatening illness (I didn't tell her specifically, but did say I was having a rough week and would appreciate being around someone who cared about me). She responded by flirting with other guys the entire weekend and just being a real asshole. I didn't get angry or emotional that weekend, but did tell her off in a text on Monday. That night she wanted to talk. We had a brief discussion in which I was pretty angry, and out of nowhere she decided we didn't need to see each other. I asked for reasons, got some bs (I'm pretty sure she wasn't expecting to break up when she called) that was typical avoidant excuses (I brought drama, when all I actually did was defend boundaries she had breached, she didn't have enough time when I never asked for her time, ever, and let her initiate things). We stayed in touch afterward for a few weeks. She was in school and I would even buy her food on occasion or what have you. We were friendly but there was a definite attempt to create artificial distance on her part. Around her finals week, she was being harassed by someone online, which had been happening for awhile, and the last I heard from her was around then. She ghosted in May and hasn't responded to me since.

It is really baffling to me because it was a few months after the breakup. We were on decent terms. Not texting everyday but at least in contact. I tried to keep things light and avoid heavy emotional stuff, although once after a surgery under the influence of painkillers i told her I missed her everyday. I later explained it, but who knows what effect that had if any. She seemed really grateful that I was helping her when I did. But even then, mostly I would send her funny things I saw on reddit or the occasional joke, so the timing was really odd.

I have sent her a couple messages since. One was when her hometown was hit with a disaster, and I sent her a message that I hoped her family was well and offered help if she needed anything. The other was just before Christmas. I wished her happy holidays and acknowledged the ghosting but made a joke of it. Neither got a response. Even a "thank you" would have been nice. It would also have been nice if she had asked about my health, which is shockingly good, actually.

I don't have the feeling that she is gone forever and won't speak to me again. It's just never felt like that to me. I don't want that either. I realized, after being angry for a long time, that I actually care about her deeply and if I can have her in my life again I would like that. The thing is I feel that telling her that would only cause more triggering. I could probably get her to respond by forcing her into something, but again, I don't think that would be something that would get positive results from her. What I've done is try and give her space... six months of it with two responses is plenty, I would think... And what I did say hasn't been angry or even unpleasant but light and fun. The idea has been, like coaxing a scared animal, let them know I am not a threat and they are welcome to come back when they feel comfortable. I try to take some comfort in the fact that if there weren't some feelings there for me, she wouldn't be ghosting. She would have no trouble telling someone to get lost if she wanted. 

I guess the question is can I do anything else? I got the sense that her distancing efforts were to paint me as a specific type... needy guys who want more from the relationship than she did. She told me that was usually what happened, and I got the feeling that my reactions to her techniques of pushing me away, which were really pretty healthy defenses of my boundaries and not really even angry, were misconstrued as "jealousy" or "possessiveness". As mentioned above, she said a couple times that she didn't have time, and implied that I wanted more of her time than she was willing to give, when in reality I was perfectly happy with things the way they were. Nothing changed on my part, and certainly I wasn't demanding or possessive. I've been tempted several times to try and lay all this out for her in an effort to combat that impression, but I haven't because I didn't think it would do any good and would probably just be used to justify her incorrect impression.

There is one thing that creates a bit of a sense of urgency. because of the timing, emotionally this breakup is tied to the diagnosis, and it is virtually impossible to separate the two in my head. I have done extremely well physically, but the few setbacks I have had were because I got into some severe anxiety due to this open wound. My state of mind is of extreme importance in my continued recovery, and while I have let go of a lot of the anger, the idea of not speaking to her again hurts and could set me back. Even the thought of it taking years to get some kind of reconciliation depresses me.

I was her first serious relationship, and on more than one occasion she got emotional telling me how I treated her better than anyone ever had, and how much she appreciated me. This is why the disappearing act hurt so much... It was completely out of the blue, and I thought I meant more to her than that. The idea that she cared so much but could, in a matter of days, be perfectly willing to cut me out of her life forever and not care is devastating. I realize that this isn't what her actions mean, but it still hurt and that pain is there.

With a reasonable person, I could write and tell her this and we would talk. But a reasonable person doesn't ignore well wishes for her family or the holidays. 

I do feel, because we did have a strong connection and didn't really have any huge, emotional fights or arguments, and were on good terms when she ghosted, that it would be inevitable and pretty easy for her to start to regret what happened and come back. I do realize that I don't know what she is thinking, but I can only speak for what I did and for objective fact. Still, I don't believe she is a bad person, and her behavior has been the behavior of a bad person for most of this year. I have to believe she will see this at some point.

So the question, again... Is there anything to be done? I have given her plenty of space, at my own peril. I feel like getting her back is worth it. But if there is a way that will help grease the wheels a little, I would like as much of a chance that she isn't going to run away and hide for the rest of her life. If that is the case, then I'd just as soon reclaim my anger and write it all down, then send it to her and let her have it. I think that's the thing that makes me angriest about this whole disorder... They are so weak that they run and hide at the first sign of danger, and leave the rest of us to deal with the aftermath. While I have dealt with a lot of those negative feelings, much has been with the hope that she would prove to be a good person one day. That kind of means dealing with the mess she created out of whole cloth. I believe that I am showing a great deal of grace by allowing it to happen on her terms. If that doesn't occur, then I should be allowed to deal with it on mine, which would be the unloading letter. Even thinking about it does get my blood up a bit, as is probably obvious. But I do feel a lot better without those feelings so deep, and I would love to be able to do something that could help things smooth over. Is that possible? Has anyone had success with anything?

Thanks ahead of time for your help! These boards have been a huge help to me in the most difficult times.