damascena
New Member
pregnant, alone and deceived.
Posts: 40
|
Post by damascena on Jan 15, 2018 19:48:17 GMT
I think what you did was very brave and it was completely the right thing for you. I don't think this is just a label issue Yasmin. If it were, I think you could have worked around that... but there are control and boundary issues as well and those to me are the things you are struggling with. It is as if he doesn't want to have to compromise his needs at all...and that seems really childish....no matter if later he says "I couldn't resist you". It is as if he doesn't have to take any personal responsibility at all because he can just pin the lack of personal control on the fact that he just can't resist you. I think you have been very understanding of him and I see him responding to that in a positive way...but it is as if he lacks the ability within himself to meet you halfway and meeting halfway is important in relationships. I know others will post...good luck. You are a very strong person and you deserve someone who can mirror that strength so that you are not the one that is carrying the relationship. Completely agree. His behaviour is thoroughly childish and controlling. My DA is very similar in some ways and repeatedly blames me when we have sex and says it's my fault because of the way I look at him and that I'm tempting him somehow. He, too, is on this "we're just friends" nonsense. |
|
|
|
Post by Jaeger on Jan 15, 2018 21:37:12 GMT
Admitting your own role in something might lead to critical examination of self, which most avoidants will try to prevent since that, in turn, makes it hard to keep up the self-sufficient, highly self confident persona. Blaming external factors prevents having to do this. If it's your fault, there's no need to look further than that and nothing has to change on his side.
|
|
