Post by summer on Jan 11, 2018 22:54:57 GMT
My issues with my DA all seem to revolve around communication. I'm realizing as the months tick by, that the kind of relationship he wants is quite different from what I want.
I think if he had his way, we would see each other a couple times a week, and the other days have minimal to no contact. I'm sure there are women out there who would be okay with this kind of arrangement (probably other avoidants), but to me it's just not enough. We are supposed to be in a serious relationship, not just dating. I end up feeling very lonely and disconnected in the relationship if I try and go along with his way.
We've talked this out a few times, with me asking for more regular communication - I've specifically asked if we can chat by phone on the days we don't see each other, even just a few min is fine. This is, I think, the bare minimum I can tolerate. He will agree to this, but make me be the one to do all the calling. Or he will act cold and disinterested while we're talking, which I HATE. If we communicate via text, he will send one-word replies, or he will begin dropping off the radar in the middle of the text convo - he will just simply stop responding, and I won't hear from again for the rest of that day. This I also hate.
I've had to realize that, if I get him to compromise and agree to communicate with me between dates, he can sometimes make our interactions so unpleasant for me with his cold off-putting behavior, that it's just not worth it. We always inevitably end up sliding towards his comfort zone, not mine.
Problem is, I love him a lot, and feel a certain passionate chemistry with him that I know from experience is very hard to find. It's made me put up with a lot of inconsiderate behavior that I otherwise wouldn't. It's so painful to watch someone slowly sabotage their relationship with you, and they have no idea they're doing it. He isn't self-aware, and doesn't appear to understand that he can't just treat his girlfriend like a distant acquaintance on the days he isn't with her.
I started this thread, though, to find out:
1) If you are a DA, how do you feel about communicating regularly with your significant others? Do you resent it if they want to keep in touch between dates?
2) If you are dating or have dated a DA, do they prefer to ignore you on the days you're not with them? Have you had a struggle getting them to communicate regularly with you?
I think if he had his way, we would see each other a couple times a week, and the other days have minimal to no contact. I'm sure there are women out there who would be okay with this kind of arrangement (probably other avoidants), but to me it's just not enough. We are supposed to be in a serious relationship, not just dating. I end up feeling very lonely and disconnected in the relationship if I try and go along with his way.
We've talked this out a few times, with me asking for more regular communication - I've specifically asked if we can chat by phone on the days we don't see each other, even just a few min is fine. This is, I think, the bare minimum I can tolerate. He will agree to this, but make me be the one to do all the calling. Or he will act cold and disinterested while we're talking, which I HATE. If we communicate via text, he will send one-word replies, or he will begin dropping off the radar in the middle of the text convo - he will just simply stop responding, and I won't hear from again for the rest of that day. This I also hate.
I've had to realize that, if I get him to compromise and agree to communicate with me between dates, he can sometimes make our interactions so unpleasant for me with his cold off-putting behavior, that it's just not worth it. We always inevitably end up sliding towards his comfort zone, not mine.
Problem is, I love him a lot, and feel a certain passionate chemistry with him that I know from experience is very hard to find. It's made me put up with a lot of inconsiderate behavior that I otherwise wouldn't. It's so painful to watch someone slowly sabotage their relationship with you, and they have no idea they're doing it. He isn't self-aware, and doesn't appear to understand that he can't just treat his girlfriend like a distant acquaintance on the days he isn't with her.
I started this thread, though, to find out:
1) If you are a DA, how do you feel about communicating regularly with your significant others? Do you resent it if they want to keep in touch between dates?
2) If you are dating or have dated a DA, do they prefer to ignore you on the days you're not with them? Have you had a struggle getting them to communicate regularly with you?
