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Post by fixingmylife on Jan 12, 2018 14:33:42 GMT
I've been with my wife for 7 years, married for a year and a half. I just found out she is a DA after we went to one marriage counseling session. I did some research and WOW. It feels so fucking great to understand now WHY she has done what she has for so many years. She always said she wanted to go to therapy, and always said she knew she had issues from her past, so I can't wait to see where this goes.
Are there any tips you can give me as her husband to help? I realize now that maybe I can be too pushy to help her. I'm excited that I discovered this, but obviously she doesn't want to hear about it from me because she is triggered and so far pushed away right now.
I'm hopeful for us, but also just want her to come to terms. She had ALOT of struggle and turmoil in her past, and she is aware if it.
Anyway, from other DAs, what makes you feel better from a significant other? What can I do?
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Post by tnr9 on Jan 12, 2018 15:01:47 GMT
Hi and welcome to the forums. . Might I suggest you actually pose those questions to your wife? The reason is that there is a whole lot more to a person then just his or her attachment style. There are certainly general things you can learn on these boards..however..it is good to learn specifically from her if you can. For instance, finding out her love language if you don't know that yet is very helpful. If she ihas an acts of service love language, then she will appreciate when you do things for her. . Good luck.
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Post by fixingmylife on Jan 12, 2018 15:10:53 GMT
That's a good idea. Right now she doesn't want to talk about our issues anymore, and just wants to see the counselor. She is putting all her faith/a last ditch effort into the counselor. She meets with him tomorrow morning so I will feel out the situation tomorrow after her meeting and ask if there is anything else I can do to help!
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Post by tnr9 on Jan 12, 2018 15:51:57 GMT
That's a good idea. Right now she doesn't want to talk about our issues anymore, and just wants to see the counselor. She is putting all her faith/a last ditch effort into the counselor. She meets with him tomorrow morning so I will feel out the situation tomorrow after her meeting and ask if there is anything else I can do to help! I would phrase it in a way that is supportive and not tie it to your counseling session....as what you are trying to convey is that you love her and want to partner/support her. I would even consider sending it to her in an email and letting her ponder it for a while, then coming back to it after a few days. If you haven't taken the love language quiz..you can find it online and send the link to her. Hey (name of endearment you use with her) I just came across this quiz that allows you to let me know how to best show love to you. There is no pressure, you can take it any time...but when you get the results...I would love to review those results with you and find out if there is anything specific I can do to show my support and love for you. Again...no pressure....just let me know when you are ready. . As a disclaimer...I am not a DA but my mom is....so I thought about her as I wrote the above.
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Post by fixingmylife on Jan 12, 2018 18:56:44 GMT
I'll try that. I'm having a pretty difficult time with it though. It feels great knowing why she's doing what she's doing, but it's hard since she just goes out constantly without me now.
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