Post by Jaeger on May 18, 2016 23:27:52 GMT
Hi,
After having next to no contact with my dismissive-avoidant ex for the past few weeks, basically letting her know I didn't want contact with her, I recently let her know I was contacted by potential buyers for our house.
She emailed me back, thanking me and asking if I needed help preparing the house for their visit. This threw me for a loop, making me doubt her avoidant nature, thinking I overreacted and it wasn't that bad, thinking it might be good to get back together since she might not be avoidant after all, etc etc. Ofcourse, after I regained some control over my emotions (and my rationale), I realized this didn't change much, but it still left me wondering about possible explanations.
Now I have some ideas, ranging from cynical to improbable, though I would like to get your opinions on how to view this behaviour. My own ideas were :
- She wants to control the preparation of the house as a way to satisfy her controlling urges and her doubts of my capacities to handle this in a manner that she considers adequate.
- She now wants contact because I am actively avoiding it and her ego doesn't allow that.
- She is able to offer this now because of the distance there is between us now, which causes the avoidant tendencies to scale back.
- She genuinely wants to help.
I'm very curious about your input and hope Jeb might be able to chime in here as well. Thanks in advance!
After having next to no contact with my dismissive-avoidant ex for the past few weeks, basically letting her know I didn't want contact with her, I recently let her know I was contacted by potential buyers for our house.
She emailed me back, thanking me and asking if I needed help preparing the house for their visit. This threw me for a loop, making me doubt her avoidant nature, thinking I overreacted and it wasn't that bad, thinking it might be good to get back together since she might not be avoidant after all, etc etc. Ofcourse, after I regained some control over my emotions (and my rationale), I realized this didn't change much, but it still left me wondering about possible explanations.
Now I have some ideas, ranging from cynical to improbable, though I would like to get your opinions on how to view this behaviour. My own ideas were :
- She wants to control the preparation of the house as a way to satisfy her controlling urges and her doubts of my capacities to handle this in a manner that she considers adequate.
- She now wants contact because I am actively avoiding it and her ego doesn't allow that.
- She is able to offer this now because of the distance there is between us now, which causes the avoidant tendencies to scale back.
- She genuinely wants to help.
I'm very curious about your input and hope Jeb might be able to chime in here as well. Thanks in advance!
