|
|
Post by Jaeger on Jan 16, 2018 12:51:29 GMT
Sam...I am truly sorry....it took well over a year for me to process and comes to terms with my ex Narc. If you are broken up...just be prepared for him to try to get back in your good graces. My ex Narc tried to contact me via FB (we were not friends on FB the entire time we were dating...his insistence that we maintain separate lives/friends etc) and it was incredibly hard but I just had to ignore his messages of "don't you want to see me again" and "why won't you talk to me". This after he broke up with me via a text message while I was out of the country. I used to say that I was an old T shirt that my ex Narc wanted to take out from time to time because he had "good memories" of it....but then, once he took it out (started dating me again) he noticed that it wasn't new, it did not fit the way he wanted and it was no longer to his liking. I did not want to be that t shirt anymore. Yes we are definitely broken up, 19 months ago! How funny, when I first met my ex he deactivated his Facebook account, or blocked me I don’t know! (We were never friends on Facebook) But just a few months ago I saw that he was back on there, we have a mutual friend, his aunt. My ex will definitely not try and contact me and I dont want him to. He has a new girlfriend, I did the post about the new girlfriend profile photo, never had one of me. I just sometimes really doubt myself and wonder if it was my fault that he was so nasty and i made him that way. As he moved on really quickly and like I said kept me really separate but is happy for people to know he’s with someone else. 😐 To me, that is one of the saddest things that tends to happen in these types of relationships; causing people a huge amount of self-doubt, usually compounded by the actions and/or words of an avoidant employing distancing strategies. That's not to say that they are out to hurt people or are 'evil' ; the way they protect themselves from anxiety inducing emotional closeness just ends up hurting the people they care about a lot of the time. Though it's normal to look for what you did wrong to feel some measure of control when faced with a broken relationship, please don't lose sight of the fact that relationships are an interaction; every result is influenced by both parties, meaning that a partner is always responsible for part of the outcome. Getting a clear view of how large these parts were is a part of moving on to better relationships. Please show yourself at least the same compassion and understanding that you do your ex until you get there. |
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Jan 16, 2018 12:55:43 GMT
Sam...I am truly sorry....it took well over a year for me to process and comes to terms with my ex Narc. If you are broken up...just be prepared for him to try to get back in your good graces. My ex Narc tried to contact me via FB (we were not friends on FB the entire time we were dating...his insistence that we maintain separate lives/friends etc) and it was incredibly hard but I just had to ignore his messages of "don't you want to see me again" and "why won't you talk to me". This after he broke up with me via a text message while I was out of the country. I used to say that I was an old T shirt that my ex Narc wanted to take out from time to time because he had "good memories" of it....but then, once he took it out (started dating me again) he noticed that it wasn't new, it did not fit the way he wanted and it was no longer to his liking. I did not want to be that t shirt anymore. Yes we are definitely broken up, 19 months ago! How funny, when I first met my ex he deactivated his Facebook account, or blocked me I don’t know! (We were never friends on Facebook) But just a few months ago I saw that he was back on there, we have a mutual friend, his aunt. My ex will definitely not try and contact me and I dont want him to. He has a new girlfriend, I did the post about the new girlfriend profile photo, never had one of me. I just sometimes really doubt myself and wonder if it was my fault that he was so nasty and i made him that way. As he moved on really quickly and like I said kept me really separate but is happy for people to know he’s with someone else. 😐 Sam...I can assure you of two things...1. It wasn't your fault and 2. It isn't better with the new girl. My ex contacted me after the girl he broke up with me over (in a text message) was no longer in the picture. I can also tell you it doesn't get better because I went 3 rounds with him...yes...with other girls inbetween. I thought that because I had read up on Narcs and knew how they behaved that I would be able to handle the devaluation that always came after he had come back. In the years I dated him I had 4 car accidents that were all my fault, I developed health issues and was sick a lot, and worst of all I thought about ending my life. I saw no point....he wasn't ever there for me. I kept asking my therapist what I needed to do, how I could get that "prince" I saw at the beginning back. She told me "he doesn't exist, that is all an illusion to get you hooked on him". I kept trying anyways until after he broke up with me a third time and I just did not have anything left to give. Narcissists do not change...ever. They have no desire to. It can appear like changes have been made...but that is an illusion to show others how well they are doing. Just remind yourself that she isn't getting any better treatment then you did...because it isn't about her either. |
|
|
|
Post by abolish on Jan 16, 2018 13:10:05 GMT
|
|
