Post by katy on May 25, 2016 3:44:15 GMT
I suspect that most of the people on this forum didn't anticipate being rejected by the avoidant whom we knew. Being unexpectedly, unfairly rejected can be very difficult to deal with. I began to do some research on how to recover after being rejected by an avoidant. I've found some very interesting Web sites that I want to share.
I discovered some excellent information by Helen Fisher, who is a researcher who studies behavior and brain chemicals. Helen Fisher has two areas that she is known for. She writes about the human drives and associated brain chemicals that occur as a person moves from a positive relationship to being rejected. She has also classified human personalities based on the influence of brain chemicals and has lots of online information about how different personality types interact.
There are lots of articles and videos online by Helen Fisher and I found many of them to be very illuminating. There is also a .pdf version of her personality test, so that you can print a copy and score yourself.
The following article is an easy read and describes the behaviors and brain chemicals that are now considered very hard-wired human drives for bonding. Helen Fisher feels that these drives are very strongly embedded in most people. I found that understanding normal human bonding behaviors and the associated brain chemicals really helps in dealing with the aftermath of an unexpected rejection by an avoidant:
www.helenfisher.com/downloads/articles/16cutloose.pdf
Helen Fisher says that rejection can end up causing physical pain and that it can significantly lower brain chemical levels. This is a field of information that seems very significant in recovering after being rejected by an avoidant.
Here are two Web sites by relationship therapists which contain lots of interesting articles:
www.whatiscodependency.com/
This site is by a therapist in California who is also an attorney. She has an excellent article in how to successfully navigate all of the emotional issues surrounding a divorce with children.
www.professional-counselling.com/
This site is by a Dutch therapist who writes in English. I thought that her article on the confusing problems associated with what seem like just casual on-line friendships was excellent.
I hope this information helps.
Katy
