oh man... I (tipsy) emailed during NC... now what?

madame, i’m so glad you found this forum because it can help you a lot through this phase of your self discovery if you use it well!
I would like to speak plainly to you but as i do, please recall other things i have posted here reminding you that i have been where you are emotionally, triggered by a more avoidant partner than i am. I have been sober from any mind altering substance for 24 years so i don’t drunk-disgrace myself, i’ve done it supposedly with all my faculties intact. haha.
Imagine me as a sister who is kind and understands how you hurt and would never hide the truth from you because she wants you to love yourself as much as she does.

Using alcohol to manage anxiety lowers your inhibitions and you will act out in ways that damage yourself and another person.
The good thing about this is you get to see the fruit of your efforts of recovery and can recognize that you don’t like the fruit you are growing. You’ll have to become a better gardener and grow fruit that is nourishing to you and another person.
When you take the advice given by your comrades who are further down the road of recovery than you, you will start to gain the stability you need to make better choices for yourself.
Your inner state is not a healthy state, i am sure you know this. The place you are coming from is not a place that you can cultivate a healthy relationship in. In fact, the only relationship that you can have in this state will be frought with anguish and self destruction because your relationship reflects what is going on inside of you.
So be gentle with yourself as others here are, forgive yourself and do the next right thing you know to do, and take the focus off what he is doing. Your actions cause appear to be very insincere and incapable of change and growth. focus on that, and do what you can about it. i believe you ARE sincere and capable of growth, but as we have said other places on the forum, things often appear different outwardly than what motivates us inwardly.

So. moral of the story is, you know that you are unhealthy and that is not anything to be ashamed about, it’s something to care deeply about and want to heal up. That’s why people are here. take that to heart and keep coming back and keep trying to do things for yourself that will actually help you.

Now, i know that this may trigger embarrassment or shame in you but that’s old stuff that needs to go. So recognize that shame is a symptom of the deep hurts you need to heal and find the resources you need to overcome it. You most definitely can do that and it will be the best gift you can give to yourself and the people around you.

Here’s a hug. (((((madamebovary)))))

madamebovary, forgive yourself and move on. I don't know this man, but if one text is enough to scare him away, then he was never yours. You are living in fear of his reactions.