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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2018 19:57:15 GMT
Aw, I'm sure he would have loved to hear that you thought he was handsome. Can I ask you what made you sad? You don't have to reply here. haha this is funny because i just sent him this text “I didn’t mention that i think you are handsome but i do think that. Also i notice you are wearing chucks and that’s my favorite kind of shoe it’s almost all i wear!  ” then i read it and think i sound funny but at least i told him. he has complimented me and it was kind. also, i felt sad just for a second because of the story i shared in the thread “Trauma Bonding” . it never occurs to me until there is someone new in my life and then it just pings me a little. Nothing big but a sense of “oh yeah, there’s that...” i lived for so long in a very weird family system and i didn’t know how bad it was until i escaped and it’s a lot for some people to realize when they find out more about me. |
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Post by guest on Feb 6, 2018 20:07:46 GMT
I have read your story in that thread and probably should have put it together. No doubt you've been through a lot Tgat, your resilience shows, it seems as though your in a better space now and if it helps, I want you to know that the stories and insights you share here are part of my healing.
I think there is a certain strength and courage to making yourself vulnerable. Sometimes wish I could let my ex DA know that I loved her for her vulnerabilities that she shared with me, not despite of them.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2018 20:12:01 GMT
I have read your story in that thread and probably should have put it together. No doubt you've been through a lot Tgat, your resilience shows, it seems as though your in a better space now and if it helps, I want you to know that the stories and insights you share here are part of my healing. I think there is a certain strength and courage to making yourself vulnerable. Sometimes wish I could let my ex DA know that I loved her for her vulnerabilities that she shared with me, not despite of them. i am blessed by this thank you bip i was very tough and stoic for so long and i like being vulnerable better |
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Post by guest on Feb 6, 2018 20:26:27 GMT
Big hugs Tgat, hope you have a good day.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2018 23:31:06 GMT
Big hugs Tgat, hope you have a good day. we messaged some more about little things we like and believe,philosophical stuff and also our shared love of pumpkin pie. so i am really looking forward to meeting him in person. but not really. but i am. but not at all. haha. see? I’m good just having a little laugh at myself. thank you bip! i think mr. handsome would probably thank you also because posting/getting feedback here is increasing the chances of him getting a first date (meet) 😬 its been hard to get past a message or two with me in the past, i just stop. thank you bip and internet. 😀 |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2018 23:39:22 GMT
Big hugs Tgat, hope you have a good day. we messaged some more about little things we like and believe,philosophical stuff and also our shared love of pumpkin pie. so i am really looking forward to meeting him in person. but not really. but i am. but not at all. haha. see? I’m good just having a little laugh at myself. thank you bip! i think mr. handsome would probably thank you also because posting/getting feedback here is increasing the chances of him getting a first date (meet) 😬 its been hard to get past a message or two with me in the past, i just stop. thank you bip and internet. 😀 I love pumpkin pie too! I hope you have a good time when you do meet...if you meet....I mean when you meet  |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2018 23:55:03 GMT
we messaged some more about little things we like and believe,philosophical stuff and also our shared love of pumpkin pie. so i am really looking forward to meeting him in person. but not really. but i am. but not at all. haha. see? I’m good just having a little laugh at myself. thank you bip! i think mr. handsome would probably thank you also because posting/getting feedback here is increasing the chances of him getting a first date (meet) 😬 its been hard to get past a message or two with me in the past, i just stop. thank you bip and internet. 😀 I love pumpkin pie too! I hope you have a good time when you do meet...if you meet....I mean when you meet haha you get it right mary? so funny when i look at it sometimes but i am going to just walk straight into this and meet him, follow through. i should ask him if he would like to go eat some pie. |
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Post by guest on Feb 7, 2018 0:07:48 GMT
Big hugs Tgat, hope you have a good day. we messaged some more about little things we like and believe,philosophical stuff and also our shared love of pumpkin pie. so i am really looking forward to meeting him in person. but not really. but i am. but not at all. haha. see? I’m good just having a little laugh at myself. thank you bip! i think mr. handsome would probably thank you also because posting/getting feedback here is increasing the chances of him getting a first date (meet) 😬 its been hard to get past a message or two with me in the past, i just stop. thank you bip and internet. 😀 Ha, I don't get it, but I do, but not really :-) thanks for the chuckle Tgat, Went on a date with a friend of mine this last weekend, She had an interesting take on meeting fella from dating sites, she said that she's fascinated with people naturally so she would just ask them a lot of questions about their life, and if she didn't click with the guy at least she walks away with a good story. You got me rooting for Mr. handsome now too, hope he gets that meet up, you sound like a catch. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2018 0:21:56 GMT
we messaged some more about little things we like and believe,philosophical stuff and also our shared love of pumpkin pie. so i am really looking forward to meeting him in person. but not really. but i am. but not at all. haha. see? I’m good just having a little laugh at myself. thank you bip! i think mr. handsome would probably thank you also because posting/getting feedback here is increasing the chances of him getting a first date (meet) 😬 its been hard to get past a message or two with me in the past, i just stop. thank you bip and internet. 😀 Ha, I don't get it, but I do, but not really :-) thanks for the chuckle Tgat, Went on a date with a friend of mine this last weekend, She had an interesting take on meeting fella from dating sites, she said that she's fascinated with people naturally so she would just ask them a lot of questions about their life, and if she didn't click with the guy at least she walks away with a good story. You got me rooting for Mr. handsome now too, hope he gets that meet up, you sound like a catch. haha thank you! this guy is really talkative and i don’t mind just letting him talk while i eat pie. i am talkative too but he might have me beat. especially if i have pie! 😂 |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2018 2:10:17 GMT
I love pumpkin pie too! I hope you have a good time when you do meet...if you meet....I mean when you meet haha you get it right mary? so funny when i look at it sometimes but i am going to just walk straight into this and meet him, follow through. i should ask him if he would like to go eat some pie. Oh I get it. Definitely walk the straight line and see what happens. Now I really want pie!!! |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2018 13:42:49 GMT
Ok, so i woke up feeling good about the fact that Mr. Handsome did not reach out yesterday afternoon or evening, and we both just let the friendly banter and mutual interest in getting to know each other a little bit BE. We wrapped up a nice text chat in the early afternoon and let it go. What i would like is to just let that be today and focus on the full day i have at work and some down time for myself, as yesterday i was fully engaged with all of my kids as we sat around and enjoyed the new baby. I would like to have today to just be by myself in my head and enjoy my day without thoughts of what may happen tomorrow. So i can definitely feel myself “exhale” after interaction with a new potential date, i can feel a sense of needing to retreat internally and just go back to me. I think a brief exchange would be totally fine, something that expresses a wish for a great day, a comment about the full load i have today (true) and a desire to chat more possibly tomorrow. I am back to the ambivalent feeling but it isn’t bad and i don’t feel like shutting it down, it’s just over on the fringe of my awareness instead of front and center. So, i’ll reach out with a friendly hello after a bit and get to my busy day. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2018 17:45:49 GMT
i did good.
i thought about it some more, and decided i could communicate more fully.
so i let him know i have a very busy day but would love to catch up by phone tomorrow and at that time, perhaps we could talk about a time to meet in person.
He thought that was great, and included some happy little emojis. lol.
we had a little banter and he wished me a great day.
Now, we both know what to look forward to tomorrow and are on the same page with an intention to meet in person.
again, probably simple stuff for your average dating person but i really suck at follow through when it comes to letting new people in to my routine.
meaning, it rearely happens!!!
progress, baby. 😁
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2018 4:16:45 GMT
i’ve hit a very familiar wall.
i’ve got feelings and thoughts going on but it’s old stuff. i think.
another avoidant may understand when i say it’s more like a big hard lump of NO than it is individual feelings i can parse out. it’s not any kind of upset or unhappiness, it’s just a peaceful void. But i know it’s a trick and i know it’s counterproductive to what seemed like a real aspiration. i just don’t have the aspiration at the moment.
if i has to say what it is,
i’m glad i’m alone.
i don’t have any desire to meet someone new and i’m glad i ended my last relationship. maybe not glad because i don’t like to hurt people and especially not my ex but i’m back i the space i know the best.
i do realize that this place i am in right now is contrary to real feelings i have experienced and a real desire to experience a healthy relationship. i just don’t have those feelings at the moment. i am frustrated by things that happen inside me like this.
i am not going to overthink it and just get some good sleep and see what tomorrow is like.
i definitely recognize this place.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2018 5:08:11 GMT
i’m aware that i have come this far through a lot of things by consciously choosing behaviors and thought processes in spite of internal resistance, and i remember also that i have a number of close relationships i cherish that i only have been able to cultivate by showing up and participating consistently, over time.
So i know that i can do that here and that’s what i am going to make my objective, just choose in spite of old habits.
that has brought me some really remarkable success in several areas and i’m really thankful for the things that practice has given me.
i don’t see it so much as giving “him” a chance as giving me a chance.
so i have a plan to talk with him tomorrow on the phone and make a plan to meet him, and i will do that.
i do get that my internal state shifts and if it went this way it can go another way and it doesn’t have to be a big deal.
just still noticing stuff.
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