how do you catch yourself?

Good thing you ask, tgat!

My main way of noticing progress is through the eyes of others. Some of my friends, but primarily my therapist, after 6 years of work, can see how I have changed. I notice it myself, but hearing it from other people carries a lot more objective weight (remember that APs keep second-guessing themselves).

Ways of catching myself are gained through awareness, the repetition of similar experiences: awareness basically. It is on a very cognitive level, which is a lot more accessible than our emotional level.

Recovery manifests itself in noticing how I can appear quite secure in the early stages of dating. But I still tend to fall apart as soon as my fear of abandonment becomes too strong.

What has helped me over the years:
- physical activity: perfect way to disconnect and reduce anxiety, to release endorphines and to increase self-confidence
- self-help: learning about attachment theory and different therapies. I especially like Schema Therapy and ACT.
- therapy over time
- opening up to friends and family: this lessens the shame
- meditation/mindfulness: just starting with that, I can't quite tell if it's beneficial yet
- journaling
- inner child talk: limited experience with that, want to do more of it
- not giving up despite the pain. Always pushing forward. Stepping out of comfort zone
- traveling: another way to disconnect and actually be truly myself
- self-compassion: soothing the inner negative talk
- surrender: observing my pain and letting myself feel sad/abandonned without being hard on myself (form of self-compassion)

Nice to hear that it also works for you! Great way to connect with people, right? And you feel so alive!!
I'm actually seriously considering traveling for a long time (round-the-world type of traveling, for up to 2 years) if I can't manage to be in a satisfying relationship.