Post by Jaeger on Feb 15, 2018 19:22:44 GMT
Just a quick jotting down of my thoughts in case they might be of help to someone. I enter the world of online dating quite rarely, as my kids and business take up a large chunk of my time. However, I have been on a date around a week ago and this is how that came about ;
Matched a girl and atarted exchanging messages. Starting off light but with a few 'feeler' questions thrown in to look for signs of compatibility (or the opposite, ofcourse). I surmised this was a very intelligent girl with strong communication skills and the ability to reflect deeply on her own actions. Personality wise, I like someone playful and positive which I didn't see a great deal of, but there were enough aspects to her that match my needs in a relationship to move on to an actual date. I'm a single parent to 2 daughters, to those unaware, who are with me for a week at a time, then switch to my ex-partner (avoidant) which means it's a challenge to schedule these things.
Anyway, we arranged to meet, had some drinks, hit it off communication wise and decided to have dinner together. By the time dinner had finished we had been talking for around 4 hours and had already discussed quite a few things openly and vulnerably; from deaths in the family to relationship wants and needs, etc. I felt no great hurry to escalate to greater physical contact as I find it tends to cloud my view on how to proceed after dates. Anyway, after this we said our goodbyes and she said she would very much enjoy going on another date. I hadn't formed a definite opinion yet so we agreed to keep in touch on the subject.
The days following this, I reached the conclusion that I saw many good points to her, personality wise, but that her life goals and needs and my own didn't overlap enough to feel like it would be a good pairing. I also saw quite a few AP tendencies and don't think I have the time and energy to offer her what she would need at this time.
I spoke to her a bit in the following days, though less than before as I was preparing to leave to a tropical island for a friend's wedding (which is where I am as I write this. The wedding is Monday). Another part was that I was trying to find a way to tell her that I thoroughly enjoyed our evening out but don't see the contact progressing past friendship level, which is almost literally the text I sent her a few days after the date, as I wouldn't want to waste her time or hurt her feelings unnecessarily by dragging it out. She responded to this by saying that she was leaning towards the same decision and we wished each other the best in finding a better fit.
Reading all that back, I can see why secure attachment has a reputation for being boring! Hahaha
Matched a girl and atarted exchanging messages. Starting off light but with a few 'feeler' questions thrown in to look for signs of compatibility (or the opposite, ofcourse). I surmised this was a very intelligent girl with strong communication skills and the ability to reflect deeply on her own actions. Personality wise, I like someone playful and positive which I didn't see a great deal of, but there were enough aspects to her that match my needs in a relationship to move on to an actual date. I'm a single parent to 2 daughters, to those unaware, who are with me for a week at a time, then switch to my ex-partner (avoidant) which means it's a challenge to schedule these things.
Anyway, we arranged to meet, had some drinks, hit it off communication wise and decided to have dinner together. By the time dinner had finished we had been talking for around 4 hours and had already discussed quite a few things openly and vulnerably; from deaths in the family to relationship wants and needs, etc. I felt no great hurry to escalate to greater physical contact as I find it tends to cloud my view on how to proceed after dates. Anyway, after this we said our goodbyes and she said she would very much enjoy going on another date. I hadn't formed a definite opinion yet so we agreed to keep in touch on the subject.
The days following this, I reached the conclusion that I saw many good points to her, personality wise, but that her life goals and needs and my own didn't overlap enough to feel like it would be a good pairing. I also saw quite a few AP tendencies and don't think I have the time and energy to offer her what she would need at this time.
I spoke to her a bit in the following days, though less than before as I was preparing to leave to a tropical island for a friend's wedding (which is where I am as I write this. The wedding is Monday). Another part was that I was trying to find a way to tell her that I thoroughly enjoyed our evening out but don't see the contact progressing past friendship level, which is almost literally the text I sent her a few days after the date, as I wouldn't want to waste her time or hurt her feelings unnecessarily by dragging it out. She responded to this by saying that she was leaning towards the same decision and we wished each other the best in finding a better fit.
Reading all that back, I can see why secure attachment has a reputation for being boring! Hahaha
