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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2018 16:22:16 GMT
perhaps because you shared a real connection?
things are seldom black and white.
when we close the door on that bad things,
we close the door on the good things too.
we close the door on disappointment but on hope as well.
we close the door on a whole person, who is emotionally crippled also.
it’s just sad. there was hope once for both parties.
on some level.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2018 16:25:08 GMT
i’m sorry, mary.
i feel you on this one.
hugs.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2018 16:35:26 GMT
perhaps because you shared a real connection? things are seldom black and white. when we close the door on that bad things, we close the door on the good things too. we close the door on disappointment but on hope as well. we close the door on a whole person, who is emotionally crippled also. it’s just sad. there was hope once for both parties. on some level. Yes, I think you are right. I'm closing the door on the good things too. He sent me a hurtful text and that's what I think did it, but I think I overreacted. He's hurting too. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2018 16:37:44 GMT
Maybe this is normal, but it's not normal for me
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2018 16:45:02 GMT
perhaps because you shared a real connection? things are seldom black and white. when we close the door on that bad things, we close the door on the good things too. we close the door on disappointment but on hope as well. we close the door on a whole person, who is emotionally crippled also. it’s just sad. there was hope once for both parties. on some level. Yes, I think you are right. I'm closing the door on the good things too. He sent me a hurtful text and that's what I think did it, but I think I overreacted. He's hurting too. i had a similar thing go down and have opted to cut contact completely and i am ready for that because the ongoing engagement is causing me fruitless pain. my ex is hurting, yes. but i have to decide when we stop hurting each other. he never will. i know that from what has happened so far. i have to be the one saying we can’t play in the street anymore. we have to go to our homes. we make bad partners, and we have done enough here. that’s my situation. i know yours has its own nuance. that’s just what i am experiencing and it’s hard to swallow when i think of just the good. but the dysfunction has prevailed and i have to cut my losses. for both of us. this relationship does not support my growth, it does not inspire me, it does not bring forth my best qualities. it isn’t nourishing. i have to go. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2018 16:48:52 GMT
Maybe this is normal, but it's not normal for me mary, i understand. my last relationship was the first one that meant so much to me. i grew a lot. but not enough for the both of us. i have the sober acceptance about it along with many mixed emotions. this is my first experience with a breakup which requires continued emotional honesty to cope with it. never had such a heartfelt reason to stay while being overcome by the very good reasons to go. difficult. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2018 16:53:00 GMT
Maybe this is normal, but it's not normal for me mary, i understand. my last relationship was the first one that meant so much to me. i grew a lot. but not enough for the both of us. i have the sober acceptance about it along with many mixed emotions. this is my first experience with a breakup which requires continued emotional honesty to cope with it. never had such a heartfelt reason to stay while being overcome by the very good reasons to go.
difficult. So much this! I think you put into words what I was trying to figure out. It's frustrating and so disappointing. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2018 17:00:48 GMT
mary, i understand. my last relationship was the first one that meant so much to me. i grew a lot. but not enough for the both of us. i have the sober acceptance about it along with many mixed emotions. this is my first experience with a breakup which requires continued emotional honesty to cope with it. never had such a heartfelt reason to stay while being overcome by the very good reasons to go.
difficult. So much this! I think you put into words what I was trying to figure out. It's frustrating and so disappointing. that is what i have struggled with the most. when i first got here, those feelings were overwhelming and i grieved and grieved with kristyrose. i felt turned inside out. gutted. as time goes on and we meddle with each other’s minds to resist finality, i have gotten worn down with it. i see that my suffering now comes from holding on to a sliver of hope that isn’t supported by the reality that makes itself plain to me every time we are in contact. letting go is an art. |
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Post by yasmin on Feb 17, 2018 17:03:44 GMT
It came across thst you loved this man and felt a deep connection and happiness with him.... Saying goodbye to that is very hard, even if you feel it's best.
Maybe before no one made you as happy?
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. It really hurts to feel like you're saying a firm goodbye like this.
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Post by yasmin on Feb 17, 2018 17:05:01 GMT
Resisting finality. Yes @tgat. Beautifully said. It's very hard to let go
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 17, 2018 17:39:21 GMT
I had a talk with my ex last night and told him I did not feel like we could really be friends in the future. I was very hurt by the things he did in the relationship and I did not think I can be friends with someone who has hurt me so deeply. He wanted to remain in contact in some way (friends or more) and I said I didn't think that was a good idea. He asked if he could check in with me at some point in the future and I said I didn't think that was a good idea either. I don't know why, but I feel bad? I'm not sure if that is the word for it, but I feel bad for imposing no contact. I haven't really felt bad about it in the past with other people. I know that I am emotionally "crippled", so this may be a dumb question, but anyone have any thoughts as to why this time is different? Anyone else have this experience? Thank you in advance for any replies. Hi Mary, I am so sorry you are hurting right now. It's hard when we reflect and come to certain realizations about our relationships and it sounds like you have come to some with yours. Going NC is extremely hard. The first time I did it I also felt pangs of guilt, but it was for self preservation and I needed it. It seems that you really need this right now or you would not have initiated it. This person has meant a lot to you and there are so many mixed emotions so it is very understandable that you feel bad. You are not emotionally crippled, this is proof Mary. Not only is this proof but how you show up here and support others is also a clear indication that you are not emotionally crippled. I urge you to take that label off. I think when you do, you will understand why you feel bad going NC. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2018 21:58:32 GMT
It came across thst you loved this man and felt a deep connection and happiness with him.... Saying goodbye to that is very hard, even if you feel it's best. Maybe before no one made you as happy? I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. It really hurts to feel like you're saying a firm goodbye like this. Yes, I did love him and he did make me happy in some ways. But now I do see I am just repeating my childhood so to speak with this relationship. I don't know if I was actually happy or if it was just familiar. Thank you so much for your support. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2018 22:11:09 GMT
I had a talk with my ex last night and told him I did not feel like we could really be friends in the future. I was very hurt by the things he did in the relationship and I did not think I can be friends with someone who has hurt me so deeply. He wanted to remain in contact in some way (friends or more) and I said I didn't think that was a good idea. He asked if he could check in with me at some point in the future and I said I didn't think that was a good idea either. I don't know why, but I feel bad? I'm not sure if that is the word for it, but I feel bad for imposing no contact. I haven't really felt bad about it in the past with other people. I know that I am emotionally "crippled", so this may be a dumb question, but anyone have any thoughts as to why this time is different? Anyone else have this experience? Thank you in advance for any replies. Hi Mary, I am so sorry you are hurting right now. It's hard when we reflect and come to certain realizations about our relationships and it sounds like you have come to some with yours. Going NC is extremely hard. The first time I did it I also felt pangs of guilt, but it was for self preservation and I needed it. It seems that you really need this right now or you would not have initiated it. This person has meant a lot to you and there are so many mixed emotions so it is very understandable that you feel bad. You are not emotionally crippled, this is proof Mary. Not only is this proof but how you show up here and support others is also a clear indication that you are not emotionally crippled. I urge you to take that label off. I think when you do, you will understand why you feel bad going NC. You're right, I deny my emotions a lot and that has a lot to do with it. I did it for self preservation, but it didn't feel good. Kristyrose, your post brought tears to my eyes. I do not want the label but it's true and seeing that in myself in some wierd way, has let me see some of my emotions. This morning, I had felt that I did the wrong thing by going no contact (always running away), so I took it back. I'm at a loss. |
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Post by yasmin on Feb 17, 2018 22:14:46 GMT
Your last post was really touching. I hope you can see that what you wrote shows how much closer you're moving to bring more secure.
The love and desire for change is taking small victories here.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2018 1:08:06 GMT
So sorry to hear this Mary, that you’re going through such a tough time. My heart is with you. I had a thought that you might feel bad because you don’t want to hurt someone else because of what good it would do to you. You’re a kind person, and don’t wish to hurt others, and going NC hurts your ex. Nonetheless, self preservation comes first. You guys have tried many things and NC is the last resort. It’s a good thing. Nothing you’ve done worked for the benefit of you two, so NC might actually be a good thing! Chin up and March on!
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