Post by alpenglow on Feb 18, 2018 18:19:36 GMT
We keep talking about romantic relationships here, but hasn't anyone experienced strong attachment to a pet, with resulting separation anxiety due to abandonment fear?
I had a small dog together with my ex for 4 years, and since we broke up, she kept the dog, and we've had some sort of shared custody over him (for 4 years so far!).
It sounds a bit crazy, but I am extremely attached to this dog and he brings me much joy.
The problem is that because of shared custody, I feel terrible every time I need to give him back to his "mum". I usually keep him for 4-6 weeks at a time.
Being anxious and having strong abandonment issues, I feel sad already days or weeks before I need to return him. After 4 years, I have cried more often over that dog than all my heartbreaks combined.
Now the situation has worsened, because my ex found a new partner (a girlfriend), and moved even further away. So I don't get to have the dog as often.
And her new girlfriend is apparently becoming attached to this dog as well, and doesn't seem to like it when he is with me.
My ex however doesn't mind.
Since it's quite expensive for me to travel and get the dog, and seeing how sad I get every time I return him, I'm considering stopping the whole arrangement.
It only makes things more difficult. But I have an incredibly hard time doing that.
Thinking about this with attachment theory in mind, my reaction is not surprising. It has do with attachment.
When I was a child, I had a cat between the age of 8 and 16. I was very attached to her, especially during situations where I truly felt abandonned by my parents.
She would sooth my sadness, fear and anxiety.
Today, it is exactly the same with that dog, except that I am even more attached to him than that cat. When I cry, he licks my tears every time (he likes salt, that's why, hehe). But it still feels comforting...he does something that no one has ever done for me.
Taking into consideration intermittent reinforcement, it comes as no surprise that I become even more attached now that I don't have him at home with me all the time, like I used to when my ex and I still lived together.
What I find even more difficult in this case than with romantic relationships, is that pets give unconditional love. Partners, at least those most of us have been together with, usually don't.
It's not a toxic relationship in the same sense as the AP/DA pull/push pattern for example, but the mechanism of intermittent reinforcement is the same.
So I need to pull the plug with that dog I believe, for my own sake...
I had a small dog together with my ex for 4 years, and since we broke up, she kept the dog, and we've had some sort of shared custody over him (for 4 years so far!).
It sounds a bit crazy, but I am extremely attached to this dog and he brings me much joy.
The problem is that because of shared custody, I feel terrible every time I need to give him back to his "mum". I usually keep him for 4-6 weeks at a time.
Being anxious and having strong abandonment issues, I feel sad already days or weeks before I need to return him. After 4 years, I have cried more often over that dog than all my heartbreaks combined.
Now the situation has worsened, because my ex found a new partner (a girlfriend), and moved even further away. So I don't get to have the dog as often.
And her new girlfriend is apparently becoming attached to this dog as well, and doesn't seem to like it when he is with me.
My ex however doesn't mind.
Since it's quite expensive for me to travel and get the dog, and seeing how sad I get every time I return him, I'm considering stopping the whole arrangement.
It only makes things more difficult. But I have an incredibly hard time doing that.
Thinking about this with attachment theory in mind, my reaction is not surprising. It has do with attachment.
When I was a child, I had a cat between the age of 8 and 16. I was very attached to her, especially during situations where I truly felt abandonned by my parents.
She would sooth my sadness, fear and anxiety.
Today, it is exactly the same with that dog, except that I am even more attached to him than that cat. When I cry, he licks my tears every time (he likes salt, that's why, hehe). But it still feels comforting...he does something that no one has ever done for me.
Taking into consideration intermittent reinforcement, it comes as no surprise that I become even more attached now that I don't have him at home with me all the time, like I used to when my ex and I still lived together.
What I find even more difficult in this case than with romantic relationships, is that pets give unconditional love. Partners, at least those most of us have been together with, usually don't.
It's not a toxic relationship in the same sense as the AP/DA pull/push pattern for example, but the mechanism of intermittent reinforcement is the same.
So I need to pull the plug with that dog I believe, for my own sake...
