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Post by yasmin on Feb 18, 2018 22:38:55 GMT
Helo there. Sorry this is happening to you. I am not sure this is an attachment issue though. Some people do end relationships in very cruel ways - sometimes husbands and wives just disappear. I think it's a sign the person is afraid of conflict and prefers to run away from problems. Not sure this is an attachment thing as much as a personality characteristic. I am really sorry, after four months you deserved a face to face breakup.
I don't think you should contact him at all...if you walk away with dignity you'll feel so much better about it later on and if he did this he doesn't deserve you to chase after him.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2018 22:54:15 GMT
this is terrible, and i am sure excruciating .
however, the sudden disappearing is cruel and emotionally abusive, regardless of the justification he might use for it.
i agree with yasmin, that reaching out to him is not a good plan.
if he had love, care, or respect for you, he would not do this.
i think it will be difficult to recover from it, but you can.
i am very sorry that you have experienced such devastating treatment.
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Post by devastated on Feb 19, 2018 4:22:42 GMT
It’s just so strange I have not experienced anything like it before.
I can’t believe people do this sort of thing.
He would make plans to come visit. Then cancel.
Now I understand what FA is it’s him to a T!
He will never find anyone if keeps this up. [
]Do the FA care that they do this to people?[
]Do they think of the person??
It’s so hard to get my head around!
Do they want to be chased so that it proves you care?
Normal people don’t do this!!
Is there any FA out there that I can talk to??
I’ve only contact him the day he sent the text. Then one week later I sent a text saying I miss you, I wish you had of let me in instead of running away.
No reply.
Should I Ell him of his condition? Or not?? Would that make him mad?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 4:28:45 GMT
It’s just so strange I have not experienced anything like it before. I can’t believe people do this sort of thing. He would make plans to come visit. Then cancel. Now I understand what FA is it’s him to a T! He will never find anyone if keeps this up. [ ]Do the FA care that they do this to people?[ ]Do they think of the person?? It’s so hard to get my head around! Do they want to be chased so that it proves you care? Normal people don’t do this!! Is there any FA out there that I can talk to?? Honestly, i think it’s more important that you know what you want, what you care about, and what you will and won’t tolerate from someone jn an intimate relationship. But yes, there are several FA’s on the forum who might be able to shed some light. I am DA and don’t feel i could help in that regard. I wish you the best and i’m sorry it’s happened. |
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Post by mrob on Feb 19, 2018 5:18:33 GMT
If he’s an FA, he’ll circle around again. I would urge you to not put your life on hold for him, or wait for him. Get on with your life. When he comes back, it might be a different kettle of fish
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Post by devastated on Feb 19, 2018 7:12:49 GMT
Do they always come back?
I still can’t get my head around it.
Should I try and help him.
Everyone says run , so I’m a tad hesitant.
He’s a beautiful person. Just had bad things happen to him I guess..
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Post by mrob on Feb 19, 2018 9:30:59 GMT
Research “the 180”. Not an exact fit in this case, but you’ll get the idea. It’s not manipulation, just looking after yourself.
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Post by cardinal on Feb 19, 2018 10:00:53 GMT
I'm FA and I've pulled stuff like this in the past. He's most likely overwhelmed by the trip or the relationship. But whatever reason he's doing this for, he'd most likely do it again if he decides to reconcile with you.
A person who's willing to walk out of your life with barely any explanation is not a man who will be able to make you feel loved. I know it's hard to accept that, and that you want to reach out and have him back, but it shows he is not capable of fully communicating his needs, he is not considering how this would make you feel, and likely that his response to stress is to break up and run away.
It's hurting you a lot now, and it'd only hurt you even more if you two somehow get back together.
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Post by devastated on Feb 19, 2018 10:27:44 GMT
I'm FA and I've pulled stuff like this in the past. He's most likely overwhelmed by the trip or the relationship. But whatever reason he's doing this for, he'd most likely do it again if he decides to reconcile with you. A person who's willing to walk out of your life with barely any explanation is not a man who will be able to make you feel loved. I know it's hard to accept that, and that you want to reach out and have him back, but it shows he is not capable of fully communicating his needs, he is not considering how this would make you feel, and likely that his response to stress is to break up and run away. It's hurting you a lot now, and it'd only hurt you even more if you two somehow get back together. |
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Post by devastated on Feb 19, 2018 10:28:11 GMT
I'm FA and I've pulled stuff like this in the past. He's most likely overwhelmed by the trip or the relationship. But whatever reason he's doing this for, he'd most likely do it again if he decides to reconcile with you. A person who's willing to walk out of your life with barely any explanation is not a man who will be able to make you feel loved. I know it's hard to accept that, and that you want to reach out and have him back, but it shows he is not capable of fully communicating his needs, he is not considering how this would make you feel, and likely that his response to stress is to break up and run away. It's hurting you a lot now, and it'd only hurt you even more if you two somehow get back together. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 13:40:15 GMT
it’s always an option, when you recognize behavior that is devastating to you, to continue to engage with it until the pain is so bad you have all the answers you need.
no one can tell you what you should do. generally it is accepted that trying to help someone who has not asked for your help is a codependent and controlling behavior, even if we’ll intentioned.
you have the choice to accept that he has left you, and ended the relationship via text.
or you can chase him down and try to give him the help he hasn’t asked you for.
either way you’ll have pain, it’s a matter of what you do to heal yourself and whether or not you opt out of a very dysfunctional situation.
Your answers don’t lie in what he will do, nobody can predict it.
nobody knows if he has another woman, nobody knows!
he broke up with you. it’s very painful but that fact remains. he ended the relationship by disappearing. in your grief you may be having some denial, maybe some bargaining going on.
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Post by devastated on Feb 19, 2018 20:36:16 GMT
it’s always an option, when you recognize behavior that is devastating to you, to continue to engage with it until the pain is so bad you have all the answers you need. no one can tell you what you should do. generally it is accepted that trying to help someone who has not asked for your help is a codependent and controlling behavior, even if we’ll intentioned. you have the choice to accept that he has left you, and ended the relationship via text. or you can chase him down and try to give him the help he hasn’t asked you for. either way you’ll have pain, it’s a matter of what you do to heal yourself and whether or not you opt out of a very dysfunctional situation. Your answers don’t lie in what he will do, nobody can predict it. nobody knows if he has another woman, nobody knows! he broke up with you. it’s very painful but that fact remains. he ended the relationship by disappearing. in your grief you may be having some denial, maybe some bargaining going on. |
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Post by devastated on Feb 19, 2018 20:36:35 GMT
it’s always an option, when you recognize behavior that is devastating to you, to continue to engage with it until the pain is so bad you have all the answers you need. no one can tell you what you should do. generally it is accepted that trying to help someone who has not asked for your help is a codependent and controlling behavior, even if we’ll intentioned. you have the choice to accept that he has left you, and ended the relationship via text. or you can chase him down and try to give him the help he hasn’t asked you for. either way you’ll have pain, it’s a matter of what you do to heal yourself and whether or not you opt out of a very dysfunctional situation. Your answers don’t lie in what he will do, nobody can predict it. nobody knows if he has another woman, nobody knows! he broke up with you. it’s very painful but that fact remains. he ended the relationship by disappearing. in your grief you may be having some denial, maybe some bargaining going on. |
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Post by devastated on Feb 19, 2018 20:36:52 GMT
it’s always an option, when you recognize behavior that is devastating to you, to continue to engage with it until the pain is so bad you have all the answers you need. no one can tell you what you should do. generally it is accepted that trying to help someone who has not asked for your help is a codependent and controlling behavior, even if we’ll intentioned. you have the choice to accept that he has left you, and ended the relationship via text. or you can chase him down and try to give him the help he hasn’t asked you for. either way you’ll have pain, it’s a matter of what you do to heal yourself and whether or not you opt out of a very dysfunctional situation. Your answers don’t lie in what he will do, nobody can predict it. nobody knows if he has another woman, nobody knows! he broke up with you. it’s very painful but that fact remains. he ended the relationship by disappearing. in your grief you may be having some denial, maybe some bargaining going on. |
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Post by devastated on Feb 19, 2018 20:40:33 GMT
w Wow you are 100% correct. Maybe I’m in denial. I’m the sort of person that likes answers and to be able to understand what when & how. I think I’m my heart I know I need to exit this situation. It’s not healthy. He’s a big boy, he will have to deal with things himself. Thank you so much for all the advice to everyone. |
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