|
|
Post by goldilocks on Feb 19, 2018 20:37:11 GMT
Oftentimes when I come home after interacting with people, I find myself kicking myself about all the cool and kind ways I could have responded to a skill they showed, a vulnerability they shared, something nice they did, but did not.
Why did I not?
It seems like the thought litterally comes up too late, when it gets kind of awkward, instead of right in the moment.
I suspect that I have unwanted restraint in expressing my feelings of awe, compassion and gratitude because I have fears remaining from my childhood that those feelings will be used against me.
So my reflex is to hold in those feelings until I have verified the safety. At least some of the time, sometimes it does go well and I am happy with my reactions.
I believe my ability to be supportive, spontaneous and responsive could really be increased if one of the involved processes could go faster.
How can I train this?
Has anyone worked on this?
What has worked for you?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 20:45:08 GMT
Oftentimes when I come home after interacting with people, I find myself kicking myself about all the cool and kind ways I could have responded to a skill they showed, a vulnerability they shared, something nice they did, but did not. Why did I not? It seems like the thought litterally comes up too late, when it gets kind of awkward, instead of right in the moment. I suspect that I have unwanted restraint in expressing my feelings of awe, compassion and gratitude because I have fears remaining from my childhood that those feelings will be used against me. So my reflex is to hold in those feelings until I have verified the safety. At least some of the time, sometimes it does go well and I am happy with my reactions. I believe my ability to be supportive, spontaneous and responsive could really be increased if one of the involved processes could go faster. How can I train this? Has anyone worked on this? What has worked for you? i consider it an act of beauty and generosity to recognize and affirm the beautiful things i see in others, perhaps if you were to simply make a vow to yourself to be generous whether you are safe or not, make a vow to give the compliment and accept any risk, real or imagined. Be boldly generous with your true feelings of appreciation for others. the reward for them outweighs any risk to you. it’s about letting go of a fear based, restrictive mode of being, into a warm and powerful and supportive way of being. just how i have evolved in that regard. it can support change and growth in the other person, as well as you. just do it 😍 |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 21:02:58 GMT
Oftentimes when I come home after interacting with people, I find myself kicking myself about all the cool and kind ways I could have responded to a skill they showed, a vulnerability they shared, something nice they did, but did not. Why did I not? It seems like the thought litterally comes up too late, when it gets kind of awkward, instead of right in the moment. I suspect that I have unwanted restraint in expressing my feelings of awe, compassion and gratitude because I have fears remaining from my childhood that those feelings will be used against me. So my reflex is to hold in those feelings until I have verified the safety. At least some of the time, sometimes it does go well and I am happy with my reactions. I believe my ability to be supportive, spontaneous and responsive could really be increased if one of the involved processes could go faster. How can I train this? Has anyone worked on this? What has worked for you? Yes, I have worked on it and I still have times like you have said, you think later you should have said something. Sometimes, what to say is just not in my head at the time, but pops up later, sometimes much later. However, it has gotten much better. I have done a few things. I will think of situations where I haven't known what to say at the time, then try to come up with all the things I think I could have said. I try them all out in my head and then think of the responses that other people might think or say to each one. I try to find the one that fits me and also the one that will not offend others, be negative, etc. I keep doing this with each scenario in my head. I found that by doing this, when a similar situation comes up in real life, I will have "pre worked out" my response and how I feel about each response I may give. It's like it's more on the surface for me then at the time that I need it. I am not sure this makes sense to you, but hopefully it does. I have also forced myself at times, even if I think my response may be "too late", I will pull the person aside and say what came to me later. If it's a compliment or just how I liked something, the person really appreciates it and then that has reinforced to me that it's ok to say it even if the moment has passed. I have even literally called up people days later to say something. I don't know if it seems strange to them, but it has helped me. It all definitely takes practice. |
|
|
|
Post by goldilocks on Feb 19, 2018 21:27:35 GMT
i consider it an act of beauty and generosity to recognize and affirm the beautiful things i see in others, perhaps if you were to simply make a vow to yourself to be generous whether you are safe or not, make a vow to give the compliment and accept any risk, real or imagined. Be boldly generous with your true feelings of appreciation for others. the reward for them outweighs any risk to you. it’s about letting go of a fear based, restrictive mode of being, into a warm and powerful and supportive way of being. just how i have evolved in that regard. it can support change and growth in the other person, as well as you. just do it 😍 Beautiful!!! Thank you for sharing in such an inspiring way! I want to be a warm and generous heroine :-) I want to have the heart to express my delight with what is beautiful in the world, come what may! |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 21:33:01 GMT
i consider it an act of beauty and generosity to recognize and affirm the beautiful things i see in others, perhaps if you were to simply make a vow to yourself to be generous whether you are safe or not, make a vow to give the compliment and accept any risk, real or imagined. Be boldly generous with your true feelings of appreciation for others. the reward for them outweighs any risk to you. it’s about letting go of a fear based, restrictive mode of being, into a warm and powerful and supportive way of being. just how i have evolved in that regard. it can support change and growth in the other person, as well as you. just do it 😍 Beautiful!!! Thank you for sharing in such an inspiring way! I want to be a warm and generous heroine :-) I want to have the heart to express my delight with what is beautiful in the world, come what may! as a matter of fact, it is noble to put the well being of others in front of ournown fear, (where appropriate of course!) and it is a humble blessing to do so when i have the opportunity. this will become automatic for you because it will be bringing forth your true self, fearless. i believe this is how we all are inside and we just have to uncover it. |
|
|
|
Post by goldilocks on Feb 19, 2018 21:37:38 GMT
Yes, I have worked on it and I still have times like you have said, you think later you should have said something. Sometimes, what to say is just not in my head at the time, but pops up later, sometimes much later. However, it has gotten much better. I have done a few things. I will think of situations where I haven't known what to say at the time, then try to come up with all the things I think I could have said. I try them all out in my head and then think of the responses that other people might think or say to each one. I try to find the one that fits me and also the one that will not offend others, be negative, etc. I keep doing this with each scenario in my head. I found that by doing this, when a similar situation comes up in real life, I will have "pre worked out" my response and how I feel about each response I may give. It's like it's more on the surface for me then at the time that I need it. I am not sure this makes sense to you, but hopefully it does. I have also forced myself at times, even if I think my response may be "too late", I will pull the person aside and say what came to me later. If it's a compliment or just how I liked something, the person really appreciates it and then that has reinforced to me that it's ok to say it even if the moment has passed. I have even literally called up people days later to say something. I don't know if it seems strange to them, but it has helped me. It all definitely takes practice. I could practice whenever I feel like eating myself up about it. Perhaps that in itself shows I am actually almost there. I could practice a number of responses for each situation, so that I will always be armed with an arsenal of appreciation and compassion. |
|
|
|
Post by goldilocks on Feb 19, 2018 21:42:33 GMT
Thank you both for helping me!!!
I wrote something in my journal to motivate myself and function as a vow.
The practical tools from Mary and the inspiration from God will really enable me to better myself.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 21:45:23 GMT
Thank you both for helping me!!! I wrote something in my journal to motivate myself and function as a vow. The practical tools from Mary and the inspiration from God will really enable me to better myself. 😁 when will we have more than one diety?!? 😆 come on people, post post post post post get to 500.... you can do it. its lonely at the top! 😑😆😂 And, you're welcome. Sincerely, God 😣 |
|
|
|
Post by goldilocks on Feb 19, 2018 22:13:12 GMT
I want to be a Goddess one day...but I have 450 to go.
Perhaps Mary feels the ambition to realise Godhood in the near future.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 22:21:42 GMT
I want to be a Goddess one day...but I have 450 to go. Perhaps Mary feels the ambition to realise Godhood in the near future. i just checked and she is only at 285. maybe i should tag her and keep after her for attention and she will accidentally hit 500 and simultaneously be cured of Avoidance. I could do the same for you! i have good ideas because i'm God. |
|
|
|
Post by goldilocks on Feb 19, 2018 22:38:32 GMT
:-D
|
|
|
|
Post by leavethelighton on Feb 20, 2018 0:39:05 GMT
Maybe it would be helpful to have certain things you will say next time like "Thank you" and "Tell me more about that." Keep it simple for yourself-- things that would be easy to remember that help build bridges-- one meaningful step closer...
|
|
|
|
Post by goldilocks on Feb 20, 2018 6:24:16 GMT
Maybe it would be helpful to have certain things you will say next time like "Thank you" and "Tell me more about that." Keep it simple for yourself-- things that would be easy to remember that help build bridges-- one meaningful step closer... Thank you, it was kind to answer my topic but I am already doing those things. I'm really talking about the next level. For example; someone saying she made the dress she is wearing. Instead of just saying "hey, cool!" I would must rather say "Cool, it is great that you are so creative, how did you learn to sew?" So that she can feel appreciated as a person and we can open up more to each other. I actually really want to say things that I cannot say on autopilot, to really be present in the conversation and respond to what I actually see in the moment. I want it to be deeply personal and heartfelt. |
|
|
|
Post by cricket on Feb 21, 2018 16:30:47 GMT
I thinkn it's great that you're being so curious and self aware and you want to make positive changes to your personality.
If safety is an issue for you maybe you can try affirmations or meditating on feeling safe no matter your environment. Viewing the world as safe can lead to a lot of changes all on its own.
No need to over think or critique yourself either. There is no right or wrong way. The fact that you are inspired to even make these changes means it will lead to somewhere.
Play the yes game but instead of saying yes to everything, make a thoughtful comment to everything even in your head as your walking and see something beautiful. Just elaborate on that beauty. Maybe then when you talk to people it will come more natural for you to compliment and elaborate on what they just said or did.
|
|
|
|
Post by goldilocks on Feb 21, 2018 18:41:50 GMT
I thinkn it's great that you're being so curious and self aware and you want to make positive changes to your personality. If safety is an issue for you maybe you can try affirmations or meditating on feeling safe no matter your environment. Viewing the world as safe can lead to a lot of changes all on its own. No need to over think or critique yourself either. There is no right or wrong way. The fact that you are inspired to even make these changes means it will lead to somewhere. Play the yes game but instead of saying yes to everything, make a thoughtful comment to everything even in your head as your walking and see something beautiful. Just elaborate on that beauty. Maybe then when you talk to people it will come more natural for you to compliment and elaborate on what they just said or did. Thank you for seeing my desire to make changes as positive and beautiful in itself, independent of the result. I will make an effort to change my beliefs about the world and have more trust in the general public. |
|
