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Post by leavethelighton on Feb 26, 2018 1:35:52 GMT
I wonder how other people's minds keep the push-pull pattern going even without the actual in-person interaction.
Like with this DA person I had feelings for who triggers my AP side... we have no contact now and I have consciously stopped trying and am committed to not contacting the person again unless they ever contact me first (then I'd respond)....
In spite of myself, I'll keep it up in the fantasy realm. Or I'll do things like try to send them subconscious-psychic messages or communicate through imaginary spirit guides or whatever will sustain some little ray of inner hope. and make me feel like it isn't all over... In the fantasies the whole reunifaction--rejection--reunification--rejection pattern continues to play out, maybe with more emphasis on reunification.
I wonder if it's really fully escapable on a psychological level or if that could remains forever even after one finally finds the wisdom to end all in-person contact. A part of me is like "I'm so done!" because of the conscious end of the in-person contact, but I can't really oust the fantasy part of it. At least it's good that I fantasize less than I used to?
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Post by cricket on Feb 26, 2018 2:05:57 GMT
Having those fantasies is pretty common. The reconciling and then the fantasy of being strong enough to walk away. I've had them too. They will fade if you are nurturing another side of yourself too. For an AP breaking up feels like breaking apart, like a real wound that needs treatment. Our nervous system goes all haywire and we search for anything to bring us that closeness to our object of attention. If fantasies is the only way we can reconnect then that's what we will do to calm our nervous system. It does get unhealthy if a long period goes by and we stay fixated on that person but only u can know of that is the case. Be patient with yourself and start turning those fantasies into something of a healthier nature. Like how you would have said good bye on your terms. Accepting that someone just isn't ready for what you are or just discovering that there is a root reason why u are so attached to this dynamic in a relationship is a healthy place to be.
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