Understanding Each Other is Important

@tgat, thank you so much! It will be a journey indeed.

cricket, thank you as well. We will both work on our own issues separately (as they are very different) and then share with each other what we can do to help the other not get triggered. It's a work in progress, and we are the blind leading the bind in a lot of ways, but we have a foundation to work from and so many good things in our relationship that we both value. It's not something that will be done in a short period of time but we think growing while being together is much better than growing on our own separately.

After 2 months of being apart, my bf and I have decided to work on things together and move forward.  I think I was in denial for a very long time that he had any attachment issues and was too focused on his ways of hurting me.  After lots and lots of talking, I have come to realize and understand that we both have issues that need to be brought out into the light.  I had told him in the beginning about my being DA and we both were oblivious to his.  

He realizes now that he has hurt me deeply, but I also realize that I was a part of those triggers that caused it.  He has taken responsibility for his actions (although unintentional) and I am not blaming myself as the cause, but I do understand how triggers work.  We both don't know yet what the exact triggers are, but we will work together to figure them out.  It has taken a lot of forgiveness and understanding to come to this place.

I wanted to share this for those that feel misunderstood in their current or past relationships.  Is the best choice for people to look for a relationship with a secure?  Maybe, but for me, understanding and being understood is precious and more important.  He has given me so much understanding these past years and now it's my turn to give it to him.  He has hurt me, but he also accepted me with all my flaws and never turned away from me.  

Can love prevail and grow with 2 insecures that have understanding that each is flawed?  I guess we will find out, but I am very hopeful.

Thank you for asking.  It's going very well!  My bf is working very hard on being aware of his negative "jokes" and triggers.  He's much more positive towards me and I am finding that this change has changed me as well.  I no longer feel the need to run away.  I am hopeful this will continue, but I am also realistic that it may rear it's ugly head again.  But I think we both have tools now that we didn't before and I think the fallout will be much milder as we continue to work on things.